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Founder and President of Erickson Coaching International, Marilyn Atkinson, details three tones that life and business coaches can use with clients to facilitate the coaching relationship, and a fourth tone she recommends coaches avoid entirely.

So there's 4 tones that people use, 3 of which are positive and 1 we don't use.

Because the 1 called the tone of the warrior usually sounds exactly like our internal dialogue.

People hope there's an enlightened warrior.

If somebody's trying to get a team together to pour water on the burning bridge, that's a very useful warrior tone.

And in fact, occasionally it's useful, but not where we're spending our life as coaches.

We're basically assisting people to actually begin to listen to other voices inside other than the warrior voice.

The warrior voice is what we got as two-year-olds, three-year-olds, four-year-olds, five-year-olds when our parents were attempting to make sure we were going to survive, and cross the street when the light was green, and so on.

And they raised a lot of tension in us doing that, did they not?

Everybody's got different experiences of being a child, but generally a lot of the internal dialogue that asserts you've got to do this and you've got to do that comes from that period.

Now there's a couple other tones of voice that are very important to us.

1 that we use a lot in coaching, we call the tone of the wizard.

It's the tone you use asking all these questions that we've been working with.

How are you going to do it is the tone of the warrior.

So there's a certain kind of, call it, enthusiasm to the tone, certain kind of delight.

It's the tone of partnering with somebody who's making it happen.

How many of you are using the tone of the wizard already?

Now, why do we call it the tone of the wizard?

But think of, what's his name, the great wizard from Lord of the Rings?

OK, Frodo, this is what you're going to do.

And there's that conspiratorial tone, right?

And we use it 80% of the time when we're coaching.

When you get yourself into that tone, your client does as well.

But this is a tone where we ask questions.

And so that request tone leads us into the future.


Speaker 0: So there's 4 tones that people use, 3 of which are positive and 1 we don't use. Why? Because the 1 called the tone of the warrior usually sounds exactly like our internal dialogue. People hope there's an enlightened warrior. If somebody's trying to get a team together to pour water on the burning bridge, that's a very useful warrior tone.

OK, everybody get in line. Get it done here. Here, I'll pen you this. Blah, blah, blah. That's a warrior tone.

It's an assertion function. And in fact, occasionally it's useful, but not where we're spending our life as coaches. We're not asserting anything to anybody. We're basically assisting people to actually begin to listen to other voices inside other than the warrior voice. The warrior voice is what we got as two-year-olds, three-year-olds, four-year-olds, five-year-olds when our parents were attempting to make sure we were going to survive, and cross the street when the light was green, and so on.

And they raised a lot of tension in us doing that, did they not? I don't know. Everybody's got different experiences of being a child, but generally a lot of the internal dialogue that asserts you've got to do this and you've got to do that comes from that period. Now there's a couple other tones of voice that are very important to us. 1 that we use a lot in coaching, we call the tone of the wizard.

Now what's the tone of the wizard? It's the tone you use asking all these questions that we've been working with. It's a tone of curiosity and interest. How are you going to do it is the tone of the warrior. So there's a certain kind of, call it, enthusiasm to the tone, certain kind of delight.

We're in the moment. We're conspiring. You're figuring it out. I'm with you. It's the tone of partnering with somebody who's making it happen.

How many of you are using the tone of the wizard already? Now, why do we call it the tone of the wizard? I don't know. But think of, what's his name, the great wizard from Lord of the Rings? Gandalf talking to Frodo.

OK, Frodo, this is what you're going to do. And there's that conspiratorial tone, right? That's the tone of the wizard. And we use it 80% of the time when we're coaching. When you get yourself into that tone, your client does as well.

Because tone is very powerful. Remember baby bear, It leads the way. But this is a tone where we ask questions. It's a tone of request. Are you going to do it?

How are you going to do it? And so that request tone leads us into the future.

See all Erickson Coaching International transcripts on Youtube

Life Coaching: The 4 Tones of Coaching with Clients (Part 1)