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Speaker 1

00:00

-♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ Finally tonight, before we go, you might remember that a little over a month ago, I brought to your attention the single most urgent crisis of our time.

Speaker 2

00:13

Russia has lost contact with a satellite full of possibly mating geckos. They were trying to observe their mating activities in 0 gravity. But after just a few orbits, their pods stopped responding to mission control.

Speaker 1

00:25

It was terrifying. Now... --LAUGHTER- You may remember that in response to that, we launched our famous hashtag go get those geckos campaign, uniting all fans of astro-reptilian fornication from across the globe.

Speaker 1

00:38

And soon after we launched our campaign, it seemed that we were victorious. We even released a web video announcing the good news. Russia has regained communication with their interstellar orgy mobile. Ladies and gentlemen, we did it!

Speaker 1

00:54

The Gringos got a dot! Woo! Woo!

Speaker 3

01:01

Woo! Woo!

Speaker 1

01:06

I remember those days, such pure distilled joy. Well, it turns out I may have been a little premature, because The satellite landed earlier this week, and Russia had a tragic announcement to make.

Speaker 4

01:21

Russian officials say 5 geckos that were sent to space have died.

Speaker 1

01:25

No! Do you know what? I would ask for a moment of silence, but that's frankly not enough. In honor of the 5 brave geckos who lost their lives, please join me in 5 mournful flicks of the tongue.

Speaker 1

01:38

-♪♪ -♪♪ Okay, okay, look, look. I want answers now. I want answers. How did this happen?

Speaker 4

01:51

Apparently, they froze to death because of equipment failure. On the bright side, fruit flies on that same mission survived.

Speaker 1

02:00

Who gives a shit? I don't care about the fruit flies. I only care about the frozen fuck lizards.

Speaker 1

02:08

Listen, up in that shuttle, there were 4 females and 1 male, and We sent those geckos to have sex in space, not because they were easy, but because he was hard. -♪♪♪♪ -♪♪♪♪ This... This is devastating. And these brave, horny space reptiles deserve a dignified send-off.

Speaker 1

02:34

Those geckos may not have been able to speak English because they were Russian. And they may not have been able to speak Russian because they were geckos. But I am sure that they could understand the universal language of music. So with that in mind, to help me honor their memory, singing their hit song, Say Something, please welcome A Great Big World.

Speaker 1

02:57

-♪

Speaker 3

03:00

Say something, I'm giving up on you

Speaker 1

03:05

We're all going to miss those horny little f*** lizards.

Speaker 3

03:10

I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you

Speaker 1

03:14

But Let's remember they died doing what they loved. F***ing in space.

Speaker 3

03:20

Anywhere I would have followed you.

Speaker 1

03:23

And I know that right now, right now, they're up in heaven. Right up there.

Speaker 3

03:29

Say something, I'm giving up on you.

Speaker 1

03:33

They are having high-pitched sex on the ceiling of God's bedroom.

Speaker 3

03:37

And I swallow my pride. You're the 1 I love I'm saying goodbye Say something, I'm giving up on you I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you. And anywhere I would have followed you, oh Say something, I'm giving up on you

Speaker 1

04:33

Thank you so much for watching. My deep thanks to A Great Big World. Please, please do join us next week.

Speaker 1

04:43

Good night to

Speaker 3

04:43

you. Say something. Say something, I'll be there. Say something Say something, I'm giving up on you sorry that I couldn't get to you Anywhere I would follow you anyway I will follow you oh say something I'm giving up on you Say something I'm giving up on you Say something

Speaker 1

05:47

♪

Speaker 3

05:49

Say something.

Speaker 1

05:53

♪ -♪ -♪ -♪ -♪ -♪ -♪ -♪ -♪ -♪