See all LastWeekTonight transcripts on Youtube

Speaker 1

00:00

-♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ Hello there. I'm John Oliver, and welcome to the YouTube page of Last Week Tonight, which recently passed the 1000000 subscriber mark. And I think of YouTube subscribers the same way I think of pogs. I recently acquired quite a lot of them, and I'm not exactly sure what they do.

Speaker 1

00:22

And yes, yes, you heard me. I did say I recently acquired a lot of pogs. That market is due for a rebound, you watch. But look, a million of anything is an awful lot.

Speaker 1

00:33

It's more than twice the population of Sacramento, and roughly half of our nation's total number of dropkick Murphys. And I'm excited to be a YouTube millionaire, because a million of Anything is pretty impressive. A million is... It's like the Ryan Gosling of numbers.

Speaker 1

00:50

It's fairly uncommon, and it's cool to be involved with. Plus, the zeros kind of look like abs. A million is a lot of things. It's a man march, it's a dollar baby, it's the number of little pieces in a largely fictionalized addiction memoir.

Speaker 1

01:06

And of course, it's a song by John Legend that includes the line, I kiss your neck, and you know what comes next? Sex. Yeah. We get it.

Speaker 1

01:16

We get it, John Legend. We all know how foreplay works. Although, frankly, I think you're skipping a few steps. After the neck, it's the back, et cetera, et cetera.

Speaker 1

01:24

I don't remember, but that's not my job. That's not my job. I'm not an R&B singer... Yet.

Speaker 1

01:30

But it's coming. Anyway, it is nice to finally have as many subscribers as comments that say things like, I hate John Oliver and his fake audience. So... Thank you for subscribing, fake audience.

Speaker 1

01:45

No, no! Thank you for subscribing, fake audience. Goodbye. They're fucking angry with You