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Speaker 1

00:00

♪♪ Infrastructure. It's our roads, bridges, dams, levees, airports, power grids, basically anything that can be destroyed in an action movie. Get out of there! -♪♪

Speaker 2

00:17

Aah! -♪♪ Goddammit! -♪♪ -♪♪♪♪ Aah! -♪♪♪♪ Goddamn it!

Speaker 1

00:22

-♪♪♪♪ -♪♪♪♪ Aah! Holy shit! If an alien species judged humanity by our most popular movies, they'd think we were furious with asphalt all the time.

Speaker 1

00:41

The problem is, though, when our infrastructure is not being destroyed by robots and or saved by Bruce Willis, we tend to find it a bit boring.

Speaker 3

00:50

As you know, infrastructure is not a sexy or glamorous topic.

Speaker 4

00:54

As much as I like to think otherwise, infrastructure is not sexy.

Speaker 5

00:58

Infrastructure is not very sexy.

Speaker 1

01:00

Yes, infrastructure, like those men we just heard from, is important, but not sexy. Although, to be fair, that may just be because Hollywood promotes unrealistic standards of infrastructure beauty. That's not what a real road looks like.

Speaker 1

01:15

Real roads have curves! So... So most people think infrastructure is boring. They think it's boring, but...

Speaker 1

01:24

But is it? Because I'd argue that it's actually pretty fascinating. And I know that in saying that, I've basically become the rad youth counselor trying to convince you that Jesus was the Taylor Swift of his time. Revelations is a breakup song to the Romans, guys.

Speaker 1

01:39

Who wants another Mountain Dew? Catch. -♪ ♪ -♪ So let's talk about infrastructure tonight, and Let's begin with dams, because dams are amazing. They're the most powerful device we have for holding back liquid, aside from the idea of using a port-a-potty.

Speaker 1

01:54

I'll wait. I'll just wait forever. I cannot go in there. America used to love dams.

Speaker 1

02:02

Brand Cooley Dam in Washington State, the world's biggest concrete structure.

Speaker 6

02:06

The Boulder Dam stands today, a modern colossus. The walls of the new dam tower into the sky like mighty modern pyramids.

Speaker 1

02:15

Yes, and we built those dams with ingenuity and brawn, and of course, piles and piles of dead Irish. Of course we did. They're good workers and their corpses make a solid foundation material.

Speaker 1

02:26

That's an architectural fact. But these days, America's once great dam system is in a state of serious disrepair.

Speaker 7

02:35

The average age of the country's 84,000 dams is 52 years, and many of them have problems that stem from when they were first built.

Speaker 1

02:43

Yes, much like most Botox recipients and competitive cloggers, The average dam is 52 years old and probably has something deeply broken inside of it. You would think a statistic like that would terrify people into action, but amazingly, many states are paying virtually no attention to their dam problems.

Speaker 8

03:02

In 2007, the last year for which statistics are available, Texas had just 7 inspectors responsible for 7,400 dams. That's over 1,050 dams per inspector. The state was only able to look at 239 dams.

Speaker 8

03:21

Alabama doesn't even have an inspection agency to monitor its 2,000 plus dams.

Speaker 1

03:27

0 inspectors. That means that the state of Alabama has exactly the same number of dam inspectors as the band Alabama. And it's not just dams.

Speaker 1

03:37

We're currently doing a terrible job of maintaining all of our infrastructure.

Speaker 3

03:42

The nation's infrastructure and bridges, roads, and pipelines is sorely in need of renovation.

Speaker 6

03:48

Collectively, they get nothing more than a D-plus.

Speaker 1

03:52

A D-plus? Think about that. America got the same grade that a 10th grade teacher gives a nightmare kid so she doesn't have to deal with him for another year.

Speaker 1

04:01

No, Landon, we're not calculating the surface area of our penises. Just give him a D-plus and say he has family troubles. I cannot even deal with that shit again. And look, to be fair, that D-plus grade came from the American Society of Civil Engineers, who would clearly benefit from more infrastructure spending.

Speaker 1

04:19

So, it's a bit like having the state of our nation's tennis ball assessed by the American Society of Golden Retrievers. They're dangerously underthrown, this must change! We've been such good dogs! Such good dogs!

Speaker 1

04:32

But other studies have also found our infrastructure is lacking. The World Economic Forum ranks America 16th in the world, and we need to be better. Because when infrastructure fails, bad things happen. Like last year when a pipe burst and flooded the campus of UCLA.

Speaker 9

04:49

A water main break in West Los Angeles turned the UCLA campus into a river. Students walked through ankle deep water, or in some cases, tried to have fun with the situation.

Speaker 3

05:00

I've been chilling here for like 20 minutes trying to get the best view. Yeah, I actually just came from the gym. I got kicked out, you know, because of the flood, so...

Speaker 10

05:08

It looked insane. Like, there's so much water.

Speaker 1

05:12

It's like, I've never seen so much water. Except for, like, lakes, I guess. 0II

Speaker 2

05:22

went... I went in for

Speaker 1

05:24

stuff who's damaged. It's not just incredibly expensive. It can also be lethal.

Speaker 1

05:29

From the big stuff, like bridge collapses and dam failures, to the little stuff, like potholes.

Speaker 11

05:34

Gone at 53 years old, Al Lee slammed his bike into a pothole riding along Grizzly Peak Boulevard in Oakland. His wife, Nancy, says a car then hit him head-on. Roadways need to be paved.

Speaker 11

05:49

That's why we have infrastructure, that's why we pay our taxes.

Speaker 1

05:53

That's horrifying, but the problem is, we only ever seem to talk about infrastructure when something tragic like that happens. And The scale of this problem is scary, as the former Secretary of Transportation points out.

Speaker 3

06:05

According to the government, there's 70,000 bridges that have been deemed structurally deficient. What does that mean?

Speaker 12

06:12

It means that they're bridges that need to be really either replaced or repaired in a very dramatic way.

Speaker 3

06:19

They're dangerous.

Speaker 12

06:20

I don't want to say they're unsafe, but they're dangerous. What? Hold on.

Speaker 12

06:26

Hold on. Hold on.

Speaker 1

06:28

When we're at a point where the Secretary of Transportation is struggling to decide between using the word unsafe and the word dangerous, we might have a problem worth fixing. And if you want a glimpse into how close to catastrophe we occasionally are, take this story from Philadelphia.

Speaker 3

06:45

In 2008, 2 contractors from the Pennsylvania Department of Transportation stopped to get a sausage sandwich and parked their cars under this bridge.

Speaker 5

06:54

Unfortunately, they wanted that sausage sandwich because they saw 1 of these piers with an eight-foot gash in it about 5 inches wide.

Speaker 3

07:02

And if they hadn't ordered a sausage sandwich?

Speaker 5

07:05

There's a strong likelihood that bridge would have collapsed.

Speaker 1

07:08

So there might have been a disaster if those Philly contractors hadn't wanted to stop for a sausage sandwich, which means, we were fine, we were always going to be fine. But, but, but the scary thing is, the scary thing is, what if the next crack pillar in Philadelphia is next to a vegan smoothie stand? The bridge is going down and people are going to die.

Speaker 1

07:28

And it's not just Philadelphia. Look at Pittsburgh, the city of bridges, and its solution to 1 that was dangerously deteriorating.

Speaker 13

07:35

1 of these arch bridges actually has a structure built under it to catch falling deck. See that structure underneath it? They actually built that to catch any of the falling concrete so it wouldn't hit traffic underneath it.

Speaker 1

07:46

They built a bridge under the bridge. That is a college sophomore approach to structural engineering. Yeah, the trash was overflowing, so I just started putting it in the microwave.

Speaker 1

07:57

Problem solved. I'm a legend. And there are dangerous bridges everywhere. Here in New York, the Tappan Zee Bridge is so notoriously shaky, 1 government official in charge of fixing it called it a hold your breath bridge.

Speaker 1

08:11

And the only time we should ever talk about Hold Your Breath Bridges would be if, for some reason, Bo Bridges were into autoerotic asphyxiation and you were trying to remember which 1 he was. Is he the normal Bridges or is he the Hold Your Breath Bridges? It's important that I know this. -...the facts about the Tappan Zee Bridge are frightening enough, and yet, the History Channel felt the need to produce a terrifyingly CGI-filled account of the worst-case scenario.

Speaker 8

08:42

Some of the Tappan Zee's foundations are at risk, and this is what could happen if they eventually gave way.

Speaker 1

08:49

♪♪ -♪♪ -♪♪ Okay, okay, okay, okay. 1, 1, that's very frightening, But 2, why did the director assume we'd all had such a strong emotional attachment to the coffee cup? A fucking bridge just collapsed.

Speaker 1

09:11

Look, at this point, we aren't just flirting with disaster, we're rounding third base and asking if disaster has any condoms. And the crazy thing is, ask any politician from either side and they'll tell you that infrastructure is incredibly important. Everyone agrees on this. In fact, at a recent hearing, both business and labor, in the form of the U.S.

Speaker 1

09:32

Chamber of Commerce and the AFL-CIO turned out to support infrastructure spending. And even they know how rare that is.

Speaker 14

09:40

If business and labor can come before you united on this issue, and we are united on this issue. Despite our sharp disagreements on a variety of other matters, I think that should tell everybody something and tell them very loudly.

Speaker 1

09:56

He's right. The last time business and labor agreed on an issue, it was the issue of how dead should Jimmy Hoffa be? Here's...

Speaker 1

10:04

They both agreed. Pretty dead. Here's how obvious our need is. Just 2 days ago, even a total idiot agreed.

Speaker 8

10:12

We have to rebuild our infrastructure. Our roads are crumbling, everything's crumbling, and we're rebuilding China.

Speaker 1

10:20

Okay, now, crossing over whatever the fuck he was talking about regarding rebuilding China, that upside-down piece of candy corn in a wig made of used medical gauze is right. We do have to rebuild our infrastructure. So, with consensus like this, how are things so bad?

Speaker 1

10:38

Well, 1 of the problems is, just fixing things is not politically appealing. Because when you build something new, you get to do this. 123!

Speaker 2

10:51

Yeah! Yeah! All right!

Speaker 1

11:00

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! There is nothing politicians like more than using oversized scissors to cut through ribbons.

Speaker 1

11:09

But, you don't get to cut a ribbon after routine repairs. Infrastructure is like Legos. Building is fun, destroying is fun, but a Lego maintenance set would be the most boring fucking toy in the world. Oh, it comes built and then you maintain it, and if you do it right, nothing happens and eventually you die.

Speaker 1

11:27

Have fun, son! Perhaps the best symbol for our neglected infrastructure is the U.S. Highway Trust Fund. It is the single largest source of infrastructure funding in this country.

Speaker 1

11:40

And guess what's about to happen to it.

Speaker 8

11:42

There's a May 31st deadline. This year, the Highway Trust Fund goes bankrupt unless Congress acts.

Speaker 1

11:48

Yeah, the fund is about to run out of money. And unlike most broke trust fund recipients, our highway system can't just get a job at its daddy's law firm. Oh, really, Declan?

Speaker 1

11:59

What case are you working on? And does it contain 24 millilites? I hate you, Declan. -♪ ♪ -♪ The reason the fund is nearly insolvent is that it's primarily funded by the federal gas tax, and there's just 1 hitch with that.

Speaker 10

12:15

The Highway Trust Fund gets revenue from an 18.4 cent per gallon gas

Speaker 15

12:20

tax, but the tax has not increased to

Speaker 10

12:23

keep up with inflation since 1993.

Speaker 1

12:26

And the fact that it hasn't increased means that in real terms, the gas tax has gone down 39 percent since 1993. Much like kushball sales or respect for Bill Cosby. -♪ 000...

Speaker 1

12:38

♪ -I'd like to think it was more than that, but sadly, I don't think it is, actually. You would think that Congress would fix this shortfall. But we haven't had long-term transportation legislation for over a decade. In fact, since 2003, it's barely passed 2 partial authorizations and 23 short-term extensions, 1 of which, in July 2005, was for just 2 days.

Speaker 1

13:03

2 days! That entire extension lasted half a sting orgasm. That's not enough! So, you might think, why doesn't Washington just raise the gas tax and fund the fund?

Speaker 1

13:16

Well, because that would be incredibly unpopular. Listen to what happened when C-SPAN had a call in and asked people whether or not the gas tax should be raised.

Speaker 3

13:25

I don't know that another gas tax is gonna help us out. Okay. No, they shouldn't raise the gas tax.

Speaker 16

13:32

Okay.

Speaker 11

13:32

The last thing we need is new taxes.

Speaker 7

13:35

Okay.

Speaker 3

13:36

If gas prices go back up, we'll be stuck with super high prices. Okay. The government has plenty of money.

Speaker 3

13:48

What I want to say is no. We're on coal, we're on gasoline, we're on diesel. I agree with all of the other previous call lists. Hello?

Speaker 1

14:00

Okay. Okay, Okay. That call-in lasted for nearly an hour and they did not receive a single call in favor of the gas tax. You would think they'd at least have been prank calls by Mikey and the Badger, DC's number 1 morning zoo crew.

Speaker 1

14:14

Hi, I'd just like to say we should definitely raise the gas tax. -$%&! -$%&! You've been badgered!

Speaker 1

14:19

-$%&! -$%&!

Speaker 6

14:21

B-b-b-b-badgered! Badgered!

Speaker 1

14:24

$%&! -$%&! -$%&!

Speaker 2

14:27

In the face... In the

Speaker 1

14:28

face of that kind of... Overwhelming lack of public support, It is hardly surprising that the White House is not too keen on it either.

Speaker 4

14:38

The administration has not put forward and does not plan to put forward a proposal to increase the gas tax.

Speaker 1

14:44

Okay, so it seems raising the gas tax is unlikely, which is fine as long as you have another concrete way to raise that money. So, what is the White House's plan?

Speaker 4

14:54

This administration's put forward an idea, by essentially, you know, closing a loophole that allows corporations to benefit from stashing, some of their profits overseas.

Speaker 1

15:03

Okay, raise funds by closing corporate loopholes. I think we all know that is guaranteed to work. The only obstacle would be, and I know that this is highly unlikely, if there were another corporate loophole somewhere else in the tax code.

Speaker 1

15:18

Oh, and there is 1 other obstacle. When the president floated this plan by John Boehner a year ago, he swatted it aside. Perhaps because Boehner favors his own plan, which he's been talking up for the past 2 years.

Speaker 17

15:30

I'm committed... To working to find a funding source so that we can begin to repair America's aging infrastructure. The hunt has been underway for the last year and a half to find that funding source.

Speaker 17

15:43

I wish I could report to you we found it, but we haven't. We've got to find a way to deal with America's crumbling infrastructure, and we need to do it in a long-term program that is, in fact, funded.

Speaker 2

15:57

-...two years and nothing. -...two years

Speaker 1

16:00

and nothing. That is... That's an oddly laid-back way to tackle a potentially catastrophic problem.

Speaker 1

16:05

Because if a giant lizard were attacking our roads and bridges, you wouldn't spend 2 years saying, yes, I am committed to preventing marauding lizards destroying our city, but we need to do it in a long-term program that is, in fact, funded. -... I refuse to believe that after all this time, Boehner does not have some sort of plan. We actually emailed his office earlier this week and asked, what is Speaker Boehner's proposal to raise revenue for the U.S.

Speaker 1

16:31

Highway Trust Fund. We didn't hear back, so we emailed someone else in the office, still nothing. So we called the office, still nothing. At this point, we were getting desperate, so we sent him this tweet asking, Mr.

Speaker 1

16:42

Speaker, how specifically will you raise revenue for the U.S. Highway Trust Fund? Hashtag, happy birthday, Justin Bieber. Just to make sure that he would see it for definite.

Speaker 1

16:53

Then, still nothing, then we found out that he's on Vine for some reason, because apparently he's 14 in 2013. So we sent him this. Mr. Speaker, how specifically would you raise revenue for the US Highway Trust Fund?

Speaker 1

17:08

Is that 6 seconds? It feels like it'd be a lot longer. Still nothing! He still didn't get back to us!

Speaker 1

17:13

Look, the lack of political urgency in tackling this problem is insane. And you cannot tell me that you are not interested in this, because every summer, people flock to see our infrastructure threatened by terrorists or aliens. But, we should care just as much when it's under threat from the inevitable passage of time. The problem is, no 1 has made a blockbuster movie about the importance of routine maintenance and repair.

Speaker 1

17:39

-♪ ♪ -♪ Or they hadn't... Until now. In a world

Speaker 16

17:45

Where a few feet of concrete can mean the difference between life and death. Where everything you love can be taken from you in the blink of an eye. A few brave souls are willing to risk everything to make nothing happen.

Speaker 16

18:03

Hello?

Speaker 2

18:04

It's time. Excuse me? For your biennial bridge inspection.

Speaker 2

18:09

I've got Thursday afternoon or Friday anytime before 3.

Speaker 16

18:13

This summer, get ready for... Infrastructure. Brace yourself for 98 heart-pounding minutes of incremental maintenance.

Speaker 16

18:24

I'm not showing any cracking, no delamination, no spalls on the concrete deck, but you got mild corrosion on the beams. You're gonna have to keep an eye on that. Thank you, sir. Don't get cocky.

Speaker 16

18:41

The New York Times calls infrastructure necessary And something I never thought about, but yeah, sure.

Speaker 8

18:48

Jesus God, Bobby, behind you.

Speaker 13

18:51

Saplings, this thing is gonna blow.

Speaker 8

18:56

15 or 20 years, which is why it's so important that we caught it early.

Speaker 16

19:04

In this line of work, 1 mistake could be catastrophic.

Speaker 8

19:08

It's loose, boss. The bolt is loose.

Speaker 1

19:11

Well, then tighten it, goddammit.

Speaker 16

19:14

I don't know which way.

Speaker 2

19:15

Okay, listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me.

Speaker 2

19:18

Lefty loosey, righty tighty. Talk to me, what's going on?

Speaker 8

19:32

It's good.

Speaker 16

19:36

Rolling Stone says nothing happens and that's probably for the best. I came here to chew bubble gum and inspect bridges. You want to see terrible puns about engineering you don't fully understand?

Speaker 10

19:51

Looks like somebody needs to get their ducts in a row.

Speaker 16

19:54

You want to see 20-minute monologues on the structural integrity of girders?

Speaker 2

19:58

I'm ordering uniaxial tests of the slab transverse to the deck corrugations with additional reinforcement and tension tests of the support fastener connections between the deck and the girders. Bitch.

Speaker 16

20:09

You want more thrilling routine maintenance than you can handle?

Speaker 10

20:12

They used PVC piping when they should have used CPVC piping. God help us.

Speaker 16

20:18

You want to see infrastructure featuring an all-star cast plus two-time Academy Award nominee, Edward Norton. Sorry, three-time Academy Award nominee, Edward Norton. And introducing, as the chief, Steve Buscemi.

Speaker 8

20:39

I'm the best dam inspector in the business, and I'm here to inspect this dam.

Speaker 16

20:45

Coming summer 2015. Infrastructure. If anything exciting happens, we've done it wrong.

Speaker 16

20:55

Sausage sandwich? Of course.