Mindfulness isn't about making your heart open. It's about feeling however you feel, respecting that, and sometimes, saying no.

Have you been considering starting or restarting your meditation practice?

Well, in the words of highway billboards across America, if you're looking for

To help you get started, we're offering subscriptions at a 40% discount until September 3rd.

So get this deal before it ends by going to 10% dot com slash 40.

That's 10% 1 word all spelled out dot com slash 4 0 for 40% off your subscription.

So much of what we do in meditation is about being more open, but you don't want to be so open that you're a pushover or a palooka.

Boundaries, as anybody who's ever been to therapy knows, boundaries are a good thing.

So that is the subject of today's meditation.

Our teacher du jour is the awesome, the phenomenal Cara Lai.

Before becoming a full-time meditation teacher, she was an artist, a wilderness guide, social worker, and psychotherapist.

She's been on the show a few times, delightful episodes, and she's also a regular over on the 10% Happier app.

When I first started learning how to meditate, I got the idea that I was supposed to say yes to everything.

But sometimes this message isn't the most helpful thing to hear.

And sometimes what we actually need to hear is that it's okay to say no, and that it's okay to be mistrustful or angry.

Actually, it's really important to have these feelings and to honor them, because when someone's hurting us, it doesn't do anyone any good to let that keep happening.

So in this meditation, we're going to learn how to say no.

Ideally, 1 that feels both relaxed and alert.

Feel the contact of the air around you with the surface of your skin.

As you touch into the outer boundaries of your body, feel the strength surrounding you, along your edges.

You could imagine this as a protective shield that is strong and secure.

Whatever happens inside this protective shield has full permission to be there.

Sense into this on your own for some time.

Let your breath be however it wants to be.

And if there are difficult emotions, such as fear, anger, shame, or sadness, give those full permission to be here.

It's safe to feel them within this field of protection that's holding you.

You're free to feel however you're feeling, and no 1 can tell you otherwise.

Now, whatever you're noticing, see if you can approach it with a sense of respect and permission.

This is a part of what's happening right now, and it has a place.

You might relax around it to give it some space, or even relax into it.

If something comes in that you don't feel ready to feel, it's okay to say no or not right now and go back to that feeling of the outline of your body.

Now take a few moments to practice with this on your own.

Sometimes, it can be interesting to go deeper into an uncomfortable physical feeling or a difficult emotion?

You can ask these questions while staying with the visceral experience of the feeling, not getting too caught up in the thoughts or backstory.

As you go about your day, remember that whatever you're feeling is always valid.

It's okay to have needs and to set limits.

And when you feel ready, if your eyes are closed, you can open them and gently receive the world around you.

You can find more benedictations like this 1 over on the 10% Happier app.

Just download it wherever you get your apps to get started.

And we'll see you right back here on Monday for a brand new episode about the myth of the dream job.

Hey, hey, Prime members, you can listen to 10% Happier early and ad-free on Amazon Music.

Download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen early and add free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts.

Before you go, do us a solid and tell us all about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.


Speaker 0: Have you been considering starting or restarting your meditation practice? Well, in the words of highway billboards across America, if you're looking for

Speaker 1: a sign, this is it. To help you get started, we're offering subscriptions at a 40% discount until September 3rd. Of course, nothing is permanent. So get this deal before it ends by going to 10% dot com slash 40. That's 10% 1 word all spelled out dot com slash 4 0 for 40% off your subscription.

This is the 10% Happier Podcast. I'm your host, your boy, Dan Harris. Hey gang, happy Friday. Time for a bonus meditation. So much of what we do in meditation is about being more open, but you don't want to be so open that you're a pushover or a palooka.

Boundaries, as anybody who's ever been to therapy knows, boundaries are a good thing. So that is the subject of today's meditation. Our teacher du jour is the awesome, the phenomenal Cara Lai. Before becoming a full-time meditation teacher, she was an artist, a wilderness guide, social worker, and psychotherapist. She's been on the show a few times, delightful episodes, and she's also a regular over on the 10% Happier app.

Here we go now with Cara Ly.

Speaker 2: Hey, it's Cara. When I first started learning how to meditate, I got the idea that I was supposed to say yes to everything. But sometimes this message isn't the most helpful thing to hear. And sometimes what we actually need to hear is that it's okay to say no, and that it's okay to be mistrustful or angry. Actually, it's really important to have these feelings and to honor them, because when someone's hurting us, it doesn't do anyone any good to let that keep happening.

So in this meditation, we're going to learn how to say no. Start by finding a comfortable position. Ideally, 1 that feels both relaxed and alert. If you'd like you can close your eyes. Take a couple deep breaths.

Now sense the outline of your body. Feel the contact of the air around you with the surface of your skin. As you touch into the outer boundaries of your body, feel the strength surrounding you, along your edges. You could imagine this as a protective shield that is strong and secure. Whatever happens inside this protective shield has full permission to be there.

Sense into this on your own for some time. Let your breath be however it wants to be. And if there are difficult emotions, such as fear, anger, shame, or sadness, give those full permission to be here. It's safe to feel them within this field of protection that's holding you. You're free to feel however you're feeling, and no 1 can tell you otherwise.

Now, whatever you're noticing, see if you can approach it with a sense of respect and permission. This is a part of what's happening right now, and it has a place. You might relax around it to give it some space, or even relax into it. If something comes in that you don't feel ready to feel, it's okay to say no or not right now and go back to that feeling of the outline of your body. Now take a few moments to practice with this on your own.

Sometimes, it can be interesting to go deeper into an uncomfortable physical feeling or a difficult emotion? What does it need or want? What is it trying to say? You can ask these questions while staying with the visceral experience of the feeling, not getting too caught up in the thoughts or backstory. As you go about your day, remember that whatever you're feeling is always valid.

It's okay to have needs and to set limits. And it's okay not to feel okay. And when you feel ready, if your eyes are closed, you can open them and gently receive the world around you. Thanks for listening. Have a great day.

Speaker 1: Thank you, Cara. You can find more benedictations like this 1 over on the 10% Happier app. Just download it wherever you get your apps to get started. And we'll see you right back here on Monday for a brand new episode about the myth of the dream job. Hey, hey, Prime members, you can listen to 10% Happier early and ad-free on Amazon Music.

Download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen early and add free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, do us a solid and tell us all about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.

See all Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris transcripts on Applepodcasts

How Not To Be A Pushover | Bonus Meditation with Cara Lai