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EPISODE LINKS:
Mark's Twitter: https://twitter.com/marknorm
Mark's YouTube: https://youtube.com/c/marknormand
Out to Lunch (special): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDolNU89SXI
The Standups: Season 3 (Netflix): https://www.netflix.com/title/80175685

PODCAST INFO:
Podcast website: https://lexfridman.com/podcast
Apple Podcasts: https://apple.co/2lwqZIr
Spotify: https://spoti.fi/2nEwCF8
RSS: https://lexfridman.com/feed/podcast/
Full episodes playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLrAXtmErZgOdP_8GztsuKi9nrraNbKKp4
Clips playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLrAXtmErZgOeciFP3CBCIEElOJeitOr41

OUTLINE:
0:00 - Introduction
0:36 - Love
3:42 - Childhood in New Orleans
18:28 - New York
27:02 - LA vs NY
36:15 - Advice for new comedians
50:47 - Crafting jokes
52:50 - Norm Macdonald
1:00:22 - Favorite medium
1:04:34 - Austin
1:10:55 - Sending people to space
1:12:27 - Robots with human emotion
1:15:59 - Self-driving vehicles
1:20:05 - Future of human interaction
1:24:13 - Advice for young people
1:28:13 - Rapid random questions
1:46:00 - Meaning of life

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The following is a conversation with Mark Normand, a New York comedian who has a way with words that is often both dark and hilarious.

Let that be a warning, dear friends, to proceed with caution and to wear protection.

He has a special on his YouTube called Out to Lunch and a new special on Netflix as part of the Stand Up Season 3 series I recommend you watch.

To support it, please check out our sponsors in the description.

And now here's my conversation with Mark Normand.

I asked him, Dylan, about Bukowski first, so let me continue on that tradition and ask you about something that Charles Bukowski said about love.

Bukowski said, love is a fog that burns away with the first daylight of reality.

So, Mark Norman, let me first ask you about love.

You talk about your relationships quite a bit.

Everybody wants love to be this pre-packaged, perfect, euphoric thing, but you gotta, it's like a good body, you know?

We're all born with a good body, but you gotta keep it in shape, and it's the same with a loving relationship.

Nobody wants to do the work, that's the problem.

You talked about, I think you told a story about being unfaithful to a previous girlfriend or something like that.

I think the story goes that you were drifting apart.

Who were you talking to, Bert Kreischer maybe?

Oh yeah, we were high school sweethearts, dated for like 12 years and then.

And we just slipped into that kind of married life, autopilot world.

And I tried to break up, I think, and it didn't take.

And then I think I cheated and she caught me and it was ugly and then we went to therapy to try to work it out.

But it's much like a car that gets into a wreck, the door just never closed the same.

Yeah, so what are your thoughts about then commitment, like outside of love, marriage?

I think it's kind of silly and unrealistic.

And I think we're coming out of that as we get all polyamorous and non-binary and queefy and all this stuff, I think we're slowly moving away from that.

But I think a lot of the ladies, more majority women like marriage, like the idea of it.

Like I'm a fiance now or whatever you call it.

And I mean, she is just woo-wee, going hog wild.

She's got the dress thing, pick a venue, flower, and she's deep in, whereas I feel guilty because I'm just like, ah, geez.

You have the best hairline in podcasting.

I haven't tried yet, so we'll have to see.

Yeah, I could see you packing a crazy, crazy tool downtown.

Apparently, yeah, that's all I hear about.

Okay, New Orleans, you grew up in New Orleans?

Treme, outside the French Quarter, you ever been?

No, not really, but Russian, of course I drink vodka, all that kind of stuff.

Vodka, Beer was just labeled an alcoholic beverage in 2011.

It finally got declared legally as an alcoholic beverage.

Which means you can regulate it, that kind of thing.

I just go, oh, these fucking Ruskies are.

I didn't even know there was rules about drinking.

It's good, I'm learning about Russia from you.

So what's the difficult memory, experience from childhood in New Orleans that made you the man you are today?

I don't know if it made me the man, but geez, I had a lot of scuffles in the neighborhood.

So I was automatically the odd man out, the minority, the weirdo, the dork, the dweeb, the honky.

So just a lot of memories of like getting slapped in the face by guys and just having to take it because there's like 5 guys there.

And they'd be like, oh, look, you don't even fight back.

Hit you and then get beat up by these guys.

So a lot of that stuff was a big bummer growing up.

Got robbed all the time, lost a lot of bicycles.

Had a bicycle taken from under me, that was pretty brutal.

These kids pulled up, they're like 17, and I was 13 and I had a face paint on.

Like I had a, not black face, but I was at a summer camp And I had a rainbow face painted on me.

I'm riding home and these guys see me a mile away.

I'm a sitting duck and they go, we can take his bike.

So they just go, hey, like, cut in front of you.

And then they just pushed me and took the bike.

So stuff like that was really shaping the insecurity, the self-worth.

They did, because I've been mugged when I was younger, too.

Yeah, it changes your view of human nature

For sure, you go, wow, I didn't know People could be this mean, this cruel, inconsiderate.

For me, that quickly turned into realizing that that's just a temporary phase that those folks are in.

For some reason, for me, that was a motivation to see, can we discover, can we incentivize them to find like a better path in life?

Like I wasn't like all like, I don't know, Gandhi about it.

You know, of course I was pissed and all those kinds of things, but I don't know, it seemed like just the kind of thing you might do when you're younger.

You hope, but it's adult crime, obviously.

And then it solidifies, and then you're beyond saving at some point.

But it's like there's always an opportunity to make a better life for yourself, to become a better version of yourself.

Yeah, and I remember coming home crying with no bike, and my mom, my parents are like liberal to a fault, you know, where they were like, oh, well, they need it.

But I also have a bicycle that I ride around, you know, and I also like to live in an area that's not just, you know, riddled with theft and vandalism, but they were just like, ah, they need it.

And then it was a moot point, we just moved on.

So I remember very young being like, all right, I gotta figure my shit out.

Okay, so you said you were beat up quite a bit, like bullying and stuff?

Pushed around, I was never hospitalized or anything, but you know, you get a black guy here and there and a bloody nose, stuff like that.

The violence didn't really bother me because you're just kids, you're boys.

But it was the predatory, let's get him, we can take him down, He's an easy target.

Yeah, until you actually said that, I didn't realize.

I've been in, what do you call them, scuffles.

And There's just 1 that stands out to me where, yeah.

And you do jujitsu and all that stuff, right?

Yeah, I can see the guns through the suit.

Well, I used to have, now you're gonna start making fun of me.

I used to have long hair for like a couple of years.

I was in a band playing music and stuff like that.

And there was, like most of the fights I've been in were basically one-on-one, maybe a little bit like, a little extra stuff, but not outnumbered.

And this 1 particular time, I've learned a lot of lessons, but 1 of them was, there was a fight started between me and this other person, and then his buddies, I guess, were there.

And they, as opposed to breaking it up or letting it happen, 1 of them grabbed my hair.

It's the first time anybody grabbed, like used my hair in a fight, which I've since then realized that that's actually a really powerful grip and a powerful weapon.

And then my head got pulled back and they pulled me down to the ground.

It was so, I remember being exceptionally frustrated.

That was the feeling like I can't do anything here.

And then they were just like kicking me and hitting me and stuff like that.

And the outnumbered part of it, because I always kind of remember the trapped part because I just hated from a fighting grappling perspective, how like, the feeling was this isn't fair.

Scary stuff, but it makes a man out of you in a weird way that builds character.

You realize life isn't fair early, and you go on from there.

They're probably eating out of a dumpster at a Krispy Kreme and you're here.

You're doing great talking to giant titans of the industry.

No, I do remember returning home that night.

Like, that's the point at which you get to decide what do I make of this moment?

And especially when you're younger, maybe it's not presented to you that way, but like some of the greatest people in history were bullied in these kinds of ways.

And they made something of themselves in this moment.

Like bullied by life in some kind of way.

It's weird, but like hardship, even in small doses, is like an opportunity for growth.

Totally, I mean, look at Richard Pryor, they say he's labeled as the best comedian of all time.

Grew up in a whorehouse, watched his mom get plowed by these guys in the middle of Indiana, I wanna say.

Who would suck dick for drugs, all this stuff growing up, beat up.

And then the weird thing is, oops, sorry, that's my birth control alarm.

And then the whole world is trying to get rid of bullying, but we still do bullying, but now it's accepted bullying.

So you're a proponent of beating kids up, is that what

But no, I just think it's part of life and it's horrible, it's like rain, you gotta have it.

Look, a rainy day is a bummer, you know, but you need it.

What was your relationship like with your mom, your dad?

What are some memorable moments with them?

Good parents, they're giving, thoughtful, a little out to lunch, you know, they were workaholics, so it was hard to get a lot out of them.

I think he just had like a weird childhood and he's just trying to make it and he's trying to provide, but it's hard.

And we live in this horrible neighborhood and we're getting robbed all the time So life was kind of coming down on him all the time so then he'll take it out on you or whoever he would snap But great parents they cared they put us first but there wasn't a lot of Honey, see the you know you ever go to a friend's house as a kid and there's a picture of a ski trip, and you're like, ski trip?

It wasn't a lot of that, and smart, very smart people, but I don't know how well they were at socializing.

So you never bonded with them on a deep human level?

Get there a little bit, but it, my parents, and I hope they never hear this, but they would do a thing where, my dad especially would do a thing where he would, he knew how to cut you down right to the bone.

And so after a while you're like, I'm not even gonna interact with this guy because he can get you so well.

1 time we were at a Thanksgiving, some kind of family event, and all the cousins are there, and I remember I was holding court.

I was a young boy, finding my comedic legs in this weird, tumultuous sea we call a family, and I was killing.

And my dad comes out and he goes, what are you, holding court?

And I was like, ah, and I felt like I was this big.

He just nailed it, Because in my head I'm like, I'm holding court, look at me, I got the whole room.

And he goes, what are you, what are you holding court here?

And I was like, he's right, I shouldn't be holding court, who the fuck am I, I'm nobody.

Do you give parents a pass when they're unaware of the destructive, like, is it better when they're unaware?

That's the way parents often fail, is they're not intentionally malevolent.

Yeah, it's a bittersweet thing, because you're like, well, okay, he's not malicious, he's not trying to hurt me, but also, he doesn't know he hurt me.

I don't know, it's tough, because if he was trying to hurt you, I guess that would be worse.

So you're the fully baked Mark Norman cake at this point.

You know, the sense of self-worth you mentioned.

I think in your comedy, there's a sense like you hate yourself.

I mean, when you like, in the privacy of your mind, are you able to love yourself or is it mostly self-hate?

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Mark Normand: Comedy! | Lex Fridman Podcast #255