- The speaker discusses their conflicted feelings about the FIFA World Cup
- FIFA is described as a comically grotesque organization
- Brazil, the host country, has experienced unrest and spent billions of dollars on preparations
- FIFA is exempt from paying taxes in host countries, including Brazil
- FIFA pressured Brazil to pass a law allowing beer sales in soccer stadiums
- FIFA has created its own courts with swift and harsh punishments
- FIFA has been plagued by corruption scandals
- FIFA's headquarters' boardroom is compared to the war room from Dr. Strangelove
- FIFA claims to be a non-profit organization despite having over a billion dollars in the bank
- The head of FIFA, Sepp Blatter, has made controversial statements and FIFA funded a fictionalized movie about their history.

- The 2022 FIFA World Cup will be held in Qatar, despite concerns about extreme temperatures and working conditions
- Qatar's summer temperatures can reach up to 50 degrees Celsius, making it difficult to hold a professional sporting event outdoors
- There are allegations that FIFA executives took bribes to choose Qatar as the host country
- Qatar has poor working conditions and is considered a slave state, with migrant workers facing restrictions on leaving the country
- More than 4,000 workers are expected to die before the World Cup begins in 2022
- Despite these issues, FIFA holds significant power and millions of people around the world find meaning in soccer/football, making it difficult to justify supporting the organization

John Oliver's excitement for the World Cup is tempered by knowing information about FIFA, the organization that produces it. John details the problems with the upcoming tournament and the staggering allegations of corruption against FIFA.

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It's HBO.

I would like to talk to you about the sausage principle.

The theory that says if you love something, never find out how it was made.

Well, tonight, I would like to show you my sausage.

Okay, the World Cup starts this week, and I am both excited and extremely conflicted about it.

Now, I know, in America, soccer is something you pick your ten-year-old daughter up from.

But for me and everyone else on Earth, it's a little more important.

Soccer or football, like we say, it's a religion.

When David Beckham got a tattoo of Jesus, the response of most soccer fans was, ooh, that's huge for Jesus.

The World Cup is 1 of my favorite things, But it's organized by these guys.

You either know it as the Fédération Internationale de Football Association...

But for American viewers who may never have encountered them, FIFA is a comically grotesque organization.

In fact, telling someone about the inner workings of FIFA for the first time is a bit like showing someone 2 girls, 1 cup.

You do it mainly so you can watch the horrified expression on people's faces.

Because let's start where FIFA's current World Cup is about to take place, Brazil.

This is how they celebrate the fact that it's just about to be lent.

They love the concept of giving up chocolate temporarily.

They're also the biggest soccer fans on Earth, so they must be thrilled at the prospect of hosting the World Cup.

There's been months of unrest in some of the city's favelas, or slums, with clashes between police and residents.

Here people demonstrated against Brazil holding the World Cup.

Why would you be unhappy hosting the thing that you love the most in all the world?

The government has spent more than $11 billion getting ready.

The United States team will play its second game here in the city of Manaus, in this brand new $270 million stadium.

Manaus is so remote that it's almost impossible to reach by car, which is why officials had to have the stadium materials brought in by boat, shipped across the Atlantic from Portugal and up the Amazon River.

Okay, that does seem like a waste of money, especially when you consider that that stadium is only going to be used for 4 World Cup games.

There's also no team in Manaus that can fill it afterwards, at which point it becomes the world's most expensive bird toilet.

No wonder Brazilians are so upset, especially when you think about what they are actually getting in return.

Well, and they're going to make money as well, as the money they're spending.

FIFA, the organization of the World Cup, is who makes the money.

Yeah, Brazil, let me put this in terms you might understand.

Think of money as pubic hair, and FIFA as wax.

Oh, they're gonna be all over you during the World Cup, but when they go, they're taking all the money with them, including some from places you didn't even know you had any money.

Leaving you teary-eyed going, -"Jesus, what happened here?

-" I'm never doing this again." Because here are FIFA's tax demands for prospective host countries.

It is FIFA and its FIFA subsidiaries that are fully exempt from any tax whatsoever levied at whatever level, state level, municipality level, all sorts of taxes, consumption taxes, income taxes, you name it, it's all exempt.

That's right, by Brazil's own estimates, they're allowing FIFA to forego $250 million in taxes.

Somewhere, Wesley Snipes is going, so soccer was the answer.

Now, FIFA says they leave a lot behind, which they do, like new laws.

Because you see, once upon a time, Brazil did this.

In 2003, the Brazilian government banned alcohol from stadiums because of the enormously high death rate amongst fans.

The only problem is Budweiser is 1 of FIFA's key sponsors and they sell a product they reflexively insist on calling beer.

And FIFA seemed anxious to protect Budweiser from a law designed to protect people, which is why FIFA's Secretary General went to Brazil with a simple message.

I'm sorry to say, and maybe I look a bit arrogant, but that's something we'll not negotiate.

I mean, there will be and there must be, as part of the law, the fact that we have the right to sell beer.

Yes, maybe I look a bit arrogant, but, how you say, -"Fuck your laws, and your public safety.

They successfully pressured Brazil into passing a so-called Budweiser bill, allowing beer sales in soccer stadiums.

And at this point, you can either be horrified by that, or relieved that FIFA wasn't also sponsored by cocaine and chainsaws.

-♪♪♪♪ And Brazil, Brazil is lucky.

At least they just had FIFA force alcohol on them.

When South Africa hosted the World Cup 4 years ago, FIFA forced the creation of the FIFA World Cup courts.

Which sound funny, you know, it's like going to the World Series and being dragged in front of Judge Philly Fanatic.

--EVERYONE LAUGHS- Except, FIFA's courts were no joke.

2 Zimbabweans who robbed foreign journalists on a Wednesday were arrested on a Thursday and began 15-year jail sentences the next day.

That's like when you order Chinese food and it comes 5 minutes later.

Oh, thanks very much, but that was too quick.

You didn't have time to make this properly.

And there is a certain irony in FIFA setting up any kind of justice system, given the scandals that have dogged it over the years.

Football's governing body has tried to tackle its shady inner workings by suspending 2 executives on corruption charges.

Jack Warner, who was at the center of bribery accusations, has resigned as vice president.

There's been so many corruption scandals that FIFA have had to deal with.

Bribery and FIFA go together like peanut butter and jelly.

Peanut butter and jelly are supposed to go together.

FIFA and bribery should go together like peanut butter and a child with a deadly nut allergy.

-♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ And if you think FIFA can't get any more cartoonishly evil.

This is their headquarters' actual boardroom.

FIFA apparently modelled where they meet on the war room from Doctor Strangelove.

That is exhibit A for an organisation that does not give a shit what you think about them.

And yet, the head of FIFA maintains that they are merely a humble, non-profit organization.

We are a non-profit organization, and we have to remain a non-profit organization.

A non-profit with over a billion dollars in the bank.

When your rainy day fund is so big, you've got to check it for swimming cartoon ducks.

That man, the man you just saw, is Sepp Blatter, and even his name should have been a red flag.

If your name is Sepp, at the bare minimum, You've strangled someone in a bar fight.

And let me just give you a taste of Sepp Blatter as a human being.

Recently, he was asked, how should women's soccer be made more popular?

He said, well, they should wear shorter shorts.

Put the ladies in hot pants, call it Foxy Soccer, and while you're at it, tighten up the jerseys, maybe replace the ball with a plate of hot wings, and f*** it, let's just open a Hooters.

FIFA, the humble non-profit, even recently spent $27 million to fund United Passions, a fictionalized version of their history, starring, for some reason, Tim Roth as Sepp Blatter.

And this movie, like FIFA itself, looks terrible.

Will be the Fédération Internationale de Football Association.

The first World Cup will be held in Uruguay.

You have everything you need to run our family.

But you know, the slightest error and you're out.

-♪ ♪ Who makes a sports film where the heroes are the executives?

And the crazy thing is, you don't need 2 hours and Tim Roth, because the greatest film about Seth Blatter has already been made.

It's 10 seconds long, and it's on YouTube.

That is the 1 time you can genuinely say, I'm glad that old man fell off that stage.

But perhaps the worst part of FIFA is not even its past or its present, it's its future.

Because the host of the 2022 World Cup has already been decided.

The winner to organize the 2022 FIFA World Cup is Qatar.

There's between 1 and 50 reasons why that is an awful idea.

Summer temperatures in Qatar can reach some 50 degrees Celsius, a difficult environment to hold a professional sporting event outdoors.

50 degrees Celsius is 122 degrees Fahrenheit.

You are hosting the World Cup somewhere where soccer cannot physically be played.

That's like if the NFL chose to host the Super Bowl in a lake.

Now, there are now allegations that some FIFA executives took bribes to put the World Cup in Qatar, and I hope that's true.

Because otherwise, it makes literally no sense.

And not just because of the weather, but because of the working conditions.

Qatar is a slave state in the 21st century.

A migrant worker can't leave the country without an exit visa.

That visa has to be approved by his employer.

More than a worker per day on average is dying.

Conservatively from the figures of just 2 countries, India and Nepal.

More than 4,000 workers will die before a ball is kicked off in 2022.

So what you're essentially saying is, the Qatar World Cup is shaping up to be the most deadly Middle East construction project since this 1.

And by this point, I hope I've proven to you that FIFA is just appalling.

I am still so excited about the World Cup next week.

And it's very hard to justify how I can get so much joy from an organization that's caused so much pain, other than going back to right where we started.

Its leader is infallible, it compels South American countries to spend money they don't have building opulent cathedrals, and it may ultimately be responsible for the deaths of shocking numbers of people in the Middle East.

But for millions of people around the world like me, it is also the guardian of the only thing that gives their lives any meaning.

-♪ Lively music ♪ -♪ Laughter and applause ♪ And if that comparison does not make Americans love soccer, then frankly, nothing will.

Lively music continues ♪ -♪ Laughter and applause


Speaker 0: I would like to talk to you about the sausage principle. The theory that says if you love something, never find out how it was made. Well, tonight, I would like to show you my sausage. Wait, wait, wait, wait. This is my sausage.

Speaker 1: The 2014 FIFA World Cup.

Speaker 0: Oh, my God! Okay, the World Cup starts this week, and I am both excited and extremely conflicted about it. Now, I know, in America, soccer is something you pick your ten-year-old daughter up from. But for me and everyone else on Earth, it's a little more important.

Speaker 2: Soccer had become Brazil's religion. In Colombia, soccer was a religion.

Speaker 0: Football is a religion here.

Speaker 3: Soccer or football, like we say, it's a religion.

Speaker 0: Yeah, and they're not exaggerating. When David Beckham got a tattoo of Jesus, the response of most soccer fans was, ooh, that's huge for Jesus. That's a big deal for him. Here's my conflict. The World Cup is 1 of my favorite things, But it's organized by these guys.

FIFA. You either know it as the Fédération Internationale de Football Association... -...or that soccer video game you have. -...or that soccer video game you have. But for American viewers who may never have encountered them, FIFA is a comically grotesque organization.

In fact, telling someone about the inner workings of FIFA for the first time is a bit like showing someone 2 girls, 1 cup. You do it mainly so you can watch the horrified expression on people's faces. Because let's start where FIFA's current World Cup is about to take place, Brazil. Brazilians are excited about everything. This is how they celebrate the fact that it's just about to be lent.

They... They love the concept of giving up chocolate temporarily. They're also the biggest soccer fans on Earth, so they must be thrilled at the prospect of hosting the World Cup.

Speaker 4: There's been months of unrest in some of the city's favelas, or slums, with clashes between police and residents. Here people demonstrated against Brazil holding the World Cup.

Speaker 0: That makes no sense. Why would you be unhappy hosting the thing that you love the most in all the world?

Speaker 1: The government has spent more than $11 billion getting ready. The United States team will play its second game here in the city of Manaus, in this brand new $270 million stadium. Manaus is so remote that it's almost impossible to reach by car, which is why officials had to have the stadium materials brought in by boat, shipped across the Atlantic from Portugal and up the Amazon River.

Speaker 0: Okay, that does seem like a waste of money, especially when you consider that that stadium is only going to be used for 4 World Cup games. There's also no team in Manaus that can fill it afterwards, at which point it becomes the world's most expensive bird toilet. No wonder Brazilians are so upset, especially when you think about what they are actually getting in return.

Speaker 5: Well, and they're going to make money as well, as the money they're spending.

Speaker 2: Well, it's

Speaker 5: actually FIFA makes the money. This is where the controversy is. The country usually doesn't make money. FIFA, the organization of the World Cup, is who makes the money.

Speaker 0: Yeah, Brazil, let me put this in terms you might understand. Think of money as pubic hair, and FIFA as wax. Oh, they're gonna be all over you during the World Cup, but when they go, they're taking all the money with them, including some from places you didn't even know you had any money. Leaving you teary-eyed going, -"Jesus, what happened here? What...

What happened? -" I'm never doing this again." Because here are FIFA's tax demands for prospective host countries.

Speaker 6: It is FIFA and its FIFA subsidiaries that are fully exempt from any tax whatsoever levied at whatever level, state level, municipality level, all sorts of taxes, consumption taxes, income taxes, you name it, it's all exempt.

Speaker 0: That's right, by Brazil's own estimates, they're allowing FIFA to forego $250 million in taxes. Somewhere, Wesley Snipes is going, so soccer was the answer. Oh, God, It seems so obvious now. Now, FIFA says they leave a lot behind, which they do, like new laws. Because you see, once upon a time, Brazil did this.

Speaker 5: In 2003, the Brazilian government banned alcohol from stadiums because of the enormously high death rate amongst fans.

Speaker 0: Well, that seems like a good idea. Potentially life-saving, even. The only problem is Budweiser is 1 of FIFA's key sponsors and they sell a product they reflexively insist on calling beer. And FIFA seemed anxious to protect Budweiser from a law designed to protect people, which is why FIFA's Secretary General went to Brazil with a simple message.

Speaker 7: I'm sorry to say, and maybe I look a bit arrogant, but that's something we'll not negotiate. I mean, there will be and there must be, as part of the law, the fact that we have the right to sell beer.

Speaker 0: Yes, maybe I look a bit arrogant, but, how you say, -"Fuck your laws, and your public safety. Is that right? And the amazing thing is here, FIFA won. They successfully pressured Brazil into passing a so-called Budweiser bill, allowing beer sales in soccer stadiums. And at this point, you can either be horrified by that, or relieved that FIFA wasn't also sponsored by cocaine and chainsaws.

-♪♪♪♪ And Brazil, Brazil is lucky. Brazil's lucky. At least they just had FIFA force alcohol on them. When South Africa hosted the World Cup 4 years ago, FIFA forced the creation of the FIFA World Cup courts. Which sound funny, you know, it's like going to the World Series and being dragged in front of Judge Philly Fanatic.

--EVERYONE LAUGHS- Except, FIFA's courts were no joke. 2 Zimbabweans who robbed foreign journalists on a Wednesday were arrested on a Thursday and began 15-year jail sentences the next day. That is unsettlingly fast. That's like when you order Chinese food and it comes 5 minutes later. Oh, thanks very much, but that was too quick.

You didn't have time to make this properly. And there is a certain irony in FIFA setting up any kind of justice system, given the scandals that have dogged it over the years.

Speaker 1: Football's governing body has tried to tackle its shady inner workings by suspending 2 executives on corruption charges.

Speaker 8: The FIFA scandal rumbles on. Jack Warner, who was at the center of bribery accusations, has resigned as vice president.

Speaker 0: There's been so many corruption scandals that FIFA have had to deal with.

Speaker 9: Bribery and FIFA go together like peanut butter and jelly.

Speaker 0: Yeah. But they shouldn't, though. Peanut butter and jelly are supposed to go together. FIFA and bribery should go together like peanut butter and a child with a deadly nut allergy. No, Trevor, no!

It's for your brother! -♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ And if you think FIFA can't get any more cartoonishly evil. This is their headquarters' actual boardroom. That's right. FIFA apparently modelled where they meet on the war room from Doctor Strangelove.

That is exhibit A for an organisation that does not give a shit what you think about them. And yet, the head of FIFA maintains that they are merely a humble, non-profit organization.

Speaker 10: We are a non-profit organization, and we have to remain a non-profit organization.

Speaker 1: A non-profit with over a billion dollars in the bank.

Speaker 10: Yeah, but this is a reserve.

Speaker 0: A reserve? A reserve of a billion dollars? When your rainy day fund is so big, you've got to check it for swimming cartoon ducks. You might not be a not-profit anymore. That, by the way...

That man, the man you just saw, is Sepp Blatter, and even his name should have been a red flag. If your name is Sepp, at the bare minimum, You've strangled someone in a bar fight. That's just a fact. And let me just give you a taste of Sepp Blatter as a human being.

Speaker 2: Recently, he was asked, how should women's soccer be made more popular? He said, well, they should wear shorter shorts.

Speaker 0: Great idea. Put the ladies in hot pants, call it Foxy Soccer, and while you're at it, tighten up the jerseys, maybe replace the ball with a plate of hot wings, and f*** it, let's just open a Hooters. -♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh... ♪ -$25,000,000 FIFA. FIFA, the humble non-profit, even recently spent $27 million to fund United Passions, a fictionalized version of their history, starring, for some reason, Tim Roth as Sepp Blatter.

And this movie, like FIFA itself, looks terrible.

Speaker 7: Will be the Fédération Internationale de Football Association. FIFA.

Speaker 1: The first World Cup will be held in Uruguay. You have everything you need to run our family. But you know, the slightest error and you're out.

Speaker 0: -♪ ♪ Who makes a sports film where the heroes are the executives? And the crazy thing is, you don't need 2 hours and Tim Roth, because the greatest film about Seth Blatter has already been made. It's 10 seconds long, and it's on YouTube. -...FIFA... ...Attention...

...Improvisamente... That is... Wonderfully... That is the 1 time you can genuinely say, I'm glad that old man fell off that stage. But perhaps the worst part of FIFA is not even its past or its present, it's its future.

Because the host of the 2022 World Cup has already been decided.

Speaker 10: The winner to organize the 2022 FIFA World Cup is Qatar.

Speaker 0: Qatar? There's between 1 and 50 reasons why that is an awful idea.

Speaker 11: Summer temperatures in Qatar can reach some 50 degrees Celsius, a difficult environment to hold a professional sporting event outdoors.

Speaker 0: 50 degrees Celsius is 122 degrees Fahrenheit. You are hosting the World Cup somewhere where soccer cannot physically be played. That's like if the NFL chose to host the Super Bowl in a lake. Now, there are now allegations that some FIFA executives took bribes to put the World Cup in Qatar, and I hope that's true. Because otherwise, it makes literally no sense.

And not just because of the weather, but because of the working conditions.

Speaker 12: Qatar is a slave state in the 21st century.

Speaker 9: A migrant worker can't leave the country without an exit visa. That visa has to be approved by his employer. Who has your passport? I have a passport. So you're trapped here?

We've got coffins coming home every day. More than a worker per day on average is dying.

Speaker 12: Conservatively from the figures of just 2 countries, India and Nepal. More than 4,000 workers will die before a ball is kicked off in 2022.

Speaker 0: So what you're essentially saying is, the Qatar World Cup is shaping up to be the most deadly Middle East construction project since this 1. And by this point, I hope I've proven to you that FIFA is just appalling. And yet, here's their power. I am still so excited about the World Cup next week. And it's very hard to justify how I can get so much joy from an organization that's caused so much pain, other than going back to right where we started.

Speaker 3: Soccer or football, like we say, it's a religion.

Speaker 0: But it's not just that. It's an organized religion. And FIFA is its church. Just think about it. Its leader is infallible, it compels South American countries to spend money they don't have building opulent cathedrals, and it may ultimately be responsible for the deaths of shocking numbers of people in the Middle East.

But, but, but... But for millions of people around the world like me, it is also the guardian of the only thing that gives their lives any meaning. -♪ Lively music ♪ -♪ Laughter and applause ♪ And if that comparison does not make Americans love soccer, then frankly, nothing will. -♪

Speaker 2: Lively music continues ♪ -♪ Laughter and applause

Speaker 0: ♪

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FIFA and the World Cup: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)