John Oliver wishes everyone a happy Independence Day and jokingly highlights some things Americans gave up when gaining independence from Britain, such as accents, bowler hats, and British cuisine. He also mentions the difference in optimism between Americans and the pessimism of the British. Overall, he suggests that Americans are probably better off the way things are.

John Oliver reminds America what it lost by gaining its independence. 

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-♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ Hello there, I'm John Oliver, host of Last Week Tonight.

We're off this week for the Fourth of July, but I wanted to make a video to wish everyone a happy Independence Day.

Or as they call it where I'm from, July the 4th.

I do hope you have a great day of resting, barbecuing, and preparing to explain your weird tan lines to your coworkers on Tuesday.

I fell asleep outside with my hat on backwards, and now my forehead looks like a sunset.

--LAUGHTER --APPLAUSE But I'd just like to take a quick moment to remind you of what you're missing out on by celebrating your independence.

Because as you know, since 1776, you've done very well as a nation.

But it might be worth thinking about just a handful of things that you gave up when kicking Britain unceremoniously out of this country.

Because first, there is the matter of your accents.

These beautiful vowel sounds could have been yours.

But instead, instead, from sea to shining sea, you speak like you just burnt your tongue on a hot apple pie.

You are also missing out on bowler hats, which are perfect for dressing your head like a circumcised velvet penis.

And that is not even mentioning all the cuisine that you lost.

For example, meat pies, which are a lot like British people themselves.

A hardened outer layer gives the impression of composure, but under the surface, it's just a hot f**king mess.

-♪♪♪♪ But the thing that Americans are really missing out on is pessimism.

Americans are optimistic people who believe the sky is the limit.

Whereas In Britain, we are painfully aware of our limits.

In fact, just look at the British sky itself.

Even the sun is incapable of asserting itself there.

-♪ ♪ -♪ British people never make the mistake of developing self-esteem, because no matter what we achieve, deep down we know we'll never be as good as the queen.

Which is to say, an elderly woman who frowns for a living.

So, just take a moment on this July the 4th to think about all that you left behind, And I think you'll realize, honestly, you are probably way better off the way that things are.


Speaker 0: -♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ Hello there, I'm John Oliver, host of Last Week Tonight. We're off this week for the Fourth of July, but I wanted to make a video to wish everyone a happy Independence Day. Or as they call it where I'm from, July the 4th. And that's it. I do hope you have a great day of resting, barbecuing, and preparing to explain your weird tan lines to your coworkers on Tuesday.

I fell asleep outside with my hat on backwards, and now my forehead looks like a sunset. --LAUGHTER --APPLAUSE But I'd just like to take a quick moment to remind you of what you're missing out on by celebrating your independence. Because as you know, since 1776, you've done very well as a nation. But it might be worth thinking about just a handful of things that you gave up when kicking Britain unceremoniously out of this country. Because first, there is the matter of your accents.

These beautiful vowel sounds could have been yours. But instead, instead, from sea to shining sea, you speak like you just burnt your tongue on a hot apple pie. You are also missing out on bowler hats, which are perfect for dressing your head like a circumcised velvet penis. And that is not even mentioning all the cuisine that you lost. For example, meat pies, which are a lot like British people themselves.

A hardened outer layer gives the impression of composure, but under the surface, it's just a hot f**king mess. -♪♪♪♪ But the thing that Americans are really missing out on is pessimism. Americans are optimistic people who believe the sky is the limit. Whereas In Britain, we are painfully aware of our limits. In fact, just look at the British sky itself.

Even the sun is incapable of asserting itself there. -♪ ♪ -♪ British people never make the mistake of developing self-esteem, because no matter what we achieve, deep down we know we'll never be as good as the queen. Which is to say, an elderly woman who frowns for a living. So, just take a moment on this July the 4th to think about all that you left behind, And I think you'll realize, honestly, you are probably way better off the way that things are. Thank you

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