- John Oliver, host of HBO's Last Week Tonight, discusses Labor Day and suggests using holidays as arbitrary points to stop doing certain things
- He mentions the rule of not wearing white after Labor Day and suggests other rules, such as not decorating with gourds after Thanksgiving and not drinking eggnog after December 31st
- He also suggests stopping certain behaviors, like saying "that's interesting" when something is not interesting and winking, which he finds gross
- Last Week Tonight will be back on HBO on September 25th.

Everyone knows the rule against wearing white after Labor Day. John Oliver suggests some other things we should all stop doing.

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I'm John Oliver, host of HBO's Last Week Tonight.

Basically, Ballers for weak, insecure people.

-♪♪ We are off this week, but tomorrow is Labor Day, which incidentally is something that you can call your child's birthday if you really want to make it all about you.

Today marks 7 years since my body has never been the same again.

We are all familiar with the rule that you shouldn't wear white after Labor Day, which is much easier for some people to follow than for others.

But honestly, we should be using more holidays as arbitrary points to stop doing things.

For instance, we should have a rule that after Thanksgiving, you have to stop decorating your home with gourds.

It's cute in October, it's acceptable, but obnoxiously folksy in November.

But after that, you're just keeping loose produce lying around.

It's no better than adorning your front porch with a bunch of watermelons and carrot sticks.

Also, no drinking eggnog after December 31st.

Because if you start your calendar year by consuming a beverage with the density and nutritional benefits of molten steel, scrap the rest of your resolutions and take care of your fucking nog problem.

-♪♪♪ Now, while we're at it, there are some things that, after this Labor Day, we should stop doing and then never do again.

For instance, let's stop saying, that's interesting, when we mean, that is not interesting.

-♪ That is not interesting ♪ -♪ That is not interesting From now on, when someone tells you a boring story, simply say, bless you, like you were just sneezed on, because that is what hearing about someone's travel delay feels like.

And while we're at it, from Labor Day forward, no more winking ever.

A wink is a gesture that is somehow both deeply sexual and incredibly unsexy.

-♪ ♪ -♪ I think I know how you want me to take that, but I am profoundly not on board.

-♪ ♪ -♪ AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS you


Speaker 0: -♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ Hello there. I'm John Oliver, host of HBO's Last Week Tonight. Basically, Ballers for weak, insecure people. -♪♪ We are off this week, but tomorrow is Labor Day, which incidentally is something that you can call your child's birthday if you really want to make it all about you. -♪ ♪ -♪ Happy Labor Day, Landon!

Today marks 7 years since my body has never been the same again. Enjoy your cake! We are all familiar with the rule that you shouldn't wear white after Labor Day, which is much easier for some people to follow than for others. Gwyneth. But...

But honestly, we should be using more holidays as arbitrary points to stop doing things. For instance, we should have a rule that after Thanksgiving, you have to stop decorating your home with gourds. It's cute in October, it's acceptable, but obnoxiously folksy in November. But after that, you're just keeping loose produce lying around. It's no better than adorning your front porch with a bunch of watermelons and carrot sticks.

Also, no drinking eggnog after December 31st. Because if you start your calendar year by consuming a beverage with the density and nutritional benefits of molten steel, scrap the rest of your resolutions and take care of your fucking nog problem. -♪♪♪ Now, while we're at it, there are some things that, after this Labor Day, we should stop doing and then never do again. For instance, let's stop saying, that's interesting, when we mean, that is not interesting. -♪ That is not interesting ♪ -♪ That is not interesting From now on, when someone tells you a boring story, simply say, bless you, like you were just sneezed on, because that is what hearing about someone's travel delay feels like.

And while we're at it, from Labor Day forward, no more winking ever. A wink is a gesture that is somehow both deeply sexual and incredibly unsexy. Like licking a pine cone. -♪ ♪ -♪ I think I know how you want me to take that, but I am profoundly not on board. Or am I?

-♪ ♪ -♪ See? The point is, it's gross. No more of that until the end of time. We are back on HBO September 25th. Until then, good night.

-♪ ♪ -♪ AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS you

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Labor Day: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (Web Exclusive)