- The 2016 election has two highly disliked candidates, leading many to seek alternative options.
- Third-party candidates, such as Jim Hedges, Dan Vejcek, and Joe Exotic, have gained interest due to dissatisfaction with the major parties.
- Libertarian Gary Johnson and Green Party nominee Jill Stein are the most well-known third-party candidates.
- Third-party candidates are often criticized for potentially siphoning off votes and helping an ideological opponent win.
- Jill Stein's flagship proposal is to cancel student debt using quantitative easing, but this plan is flawed and shows a lack of understanding.
- Stein's campaign has been vague on certain issues and has faced criticism for her association with conspiracy theories and her past music career.

The summary of the video is as follows:

- The video criticizes Gary Johnson, the two-term governor of New Mexico and third-party candidate for president.
- Johnson has made notable mistakes, such as not knowing what Aleppo is and being unable to name a world leader he admires.
- He has polled around 6 percent nationally, despite these mistakes.
- Johnson opposes having a minimum wage and advocates for smaller government.
- His tax policy proposal of a federal consumption tax could disproportionately hurt poor people.
- Johnson's stance on combating climate change is dismissive and lacks a long-term solution.
- The video argues that Johnson's key proposals crumble under scrutiny and that there is no perfect third-party candidate in the race.
- The video concludes that everyone must own the flaws of whoever they vote for and that there is no perfect candidate in the election.

Third party candidates want to be serious contenders, so John Oliver considers them seriously as potential presidents.

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-♪ ♪ -♪♪ Our main story tonight is, unfortunately, continuing coverage of the 2016 election.

Or, as it's better known, Lights on Rats on a Horse Corpse on Fire 2016.

This election has now achieved a dubious distinction.

Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are among the most disliked presidential candidates in history.

So it is hardly surprising that some are seeking an alternative.

I really don't like either candidate, to be honest.

I'm not really excited about the election.

I just don't really feel like I like either option.

Republicans and Democrats are kind of bumming me out.

315, 320 million people, and this is the best 2 that we can come up with.

Americans are so disillusioned by the major party candidate, it seemed many would prefer to vote for Kevin Kline's character from the movie Dave, or the ghost of Martin Luther King Jr., assuming he only said the 3 quotes that white people like.

And this disenchantment may explain the high interest in America's third parties.

Because when your 2 main options are depressing, any third choice seems good.

If you're in a KFC taco bell, and you see a bunch of pigeons eating something in the parking lot, you might well think, hang on, what have they got over there?

And luckily, there are a great many third-party options out there.

There's Jim Hedges of the Prohibition Party, the worst party without alcohol since your born-again cousin's wedding.

There's Dan Vejcek of the Legal Marijuana Now Party, which should really be called the Illegal Marijuana Now, Legal Marijuana ASAP Party.

And then there's independent writing candidate, Joe Exotic, who claims to run the world's largest private zoo for tigers, and produces incredible campaign videos.

First thing is, I am not cutting my hair.

I have a judgment against me from some bitch down there in Florida, and this is all paid for by the committee of Joe Exotic Speaks for America.

Joe Exotic is truly the candidate you'd want to sit down and have a beer with, then another beer, and then several more beers until you're drunk enough to try meth for the first time.

The point is, Joe Exotic, make America exotic again.

But the best known of the lesser known candidates are clearly Libertarian Gary Johnson and Green Party nominee Jill Stein.

In a poll just last month, more than a third of young voters said they are considering voting for 1 of them.

And before we go any further, we should probably address the common critique that third-party candidates can siphon off votes and potentially wind up electing an ideological opponent.

And there is some historical precedent for that, from Teddy Roosevelt's 1912 run, which arguably helped to elect Democrat Woodrow Wilson, to Ralph Nader in 2000, winning nearly 100,000 votes in Florida, a state which Al Gore famously lost by just 537.

But third parties are a little touchy about that whole spoiler tag.

Just watch Gary Johnson respond after it's brought up.

What do you guys mean of the idea that you are a spoiler canyon?

We're giving people a chance to vote for something as opposed to the lesser of 2 evils.

We're not spoilers, we are the first vote.

You've already undercut your credentials as a serious candidate by wearing a yellow tie with jeans.

You're running for president, not officiating Pikachu's beach wedding.

Although, to be fair, Johnson's anger is understandable.

Just dismissing third-party candidates as spoilers shuts down debate.

And while the argument that the only thing that stops Trump is a vote for Hillary Clinton is a powerful 1, so is the argument that people should vote for the candidate who most closely shares their values.

So let's vet these candidates, not as spoilers or as protest votes, but as legitimate potential presidents.

And we'll start with Jill Stein, the candidate who looks most like she believes carob is just as good as chocolate.

Now, Stein is currently polling around 2 percent, and she has a lot going for her.

She's a doctor who practiced internal medicine for 27 years, and she has a broadly appealing pitch from environmental issues to expanding LGBT rights to reducing income inequality.

But when it comes to policy, we all know the devil is in the details.

So how exactly is she going to accomplish her goals?

And let's start with the plan that has been central to her candidacy.

We're the 1 party that's actually calling for canceling student debt, and bailing out a generation of young people, like we bailed out the bankers on Wall Street.

We can do that for this generation and unleash them to be the stimulus package of our dreams.

Okay, hold on, because stimulus package of your dreams sounds like how Paul Krugman describes his penis.

Student debt is a massive 1.3 trillion dollar problem.

Canceling it is Stein's flagship proposal.

It is to her campaign what the border wall is to Donald Trump's.

So you would assume that she has a well-thought-out, coherent plan.

My campaign is the only 1 that will do for, young people what our misleaders saw fit to do for Wall Street not that long ago.

It was about 4000000000000 in free money in the form of so-called quantitative easing, which is a magic trick that basically people don't need to understand any more about than that it is a magic trick.

It is a very complicated monetary policy tool.

And while It might not be important for most people to understand it, you certainly have to, and I don't think you do.

Because for a start, while Jill Stein has said the president has the authority to cancel student debt using quantitative easing, that is absolutely wrong.

The president does not have that authority, only the Federal Reserve does.

And it does not take marching orders from the White House because that would be extremely dangerous.

You don't want to give presidents the power to just create new money whenever they want to.

Think of it like this, if Joe Exotic is elected, You don't want him to be able to order the Fed to create money for the most lavish tiger-themed orgy the nation has ever seen, because they would then have to print the $3,500 it would take to do that.

So, that issue alone makes our plan a non-starter before we even get into the fact that quantitative easing does not apply here, Stein is implying that it was used to cancel banks' debts, and that is absolutely not what it did.

Using it the way that she's describing amounts to a president unilaterally passing a new law and funding it by printing new money.

And the dangers of that should be pretty obvious.

In terms of how fundamentally flawed that is on every level, it's basically akin to saying, I'll make us energy independent by ordering the post office to invade Canada.

No, Jill, that's impractical, it's a terrible idea, and you don't seem to understand anything about it." When I said her student debt proposal was her version of Donald Trump's border wall, I meant it.

Because the only way it could be any more unlikely is if she claimed Mexico was somehow going to pay for it.

And for a candidate who seems to be running on principle, it can be hard to pin her down on what those principles are.

After the EU Brexit vote, her campaign issued a statement in which she called the decision a victory before changing it to read, I agreed with the UK Greens who supported staying in the EU.

And in response to charges that she was anti-vaccination, she tweeted, there's no evidence that autism is caused by vaccines before Jill Stein, a doctor, remember, replaced it with a more equivocal, I'm not aware of evidence linking autism with vaccines, leaving the door open for doubt and...

And this strategic vagueness even applies to answering a question from a 9-11 truther.

I believe that the hijackers were patsies.

They did have intent, but there was no ways they could fly those planes the way they did, and there's no way those steel buildings could fall

So, I think we need the full story, and the 9-11 Commission itself said, we don't have the full story.

So I would simply bring back that commission.

You know That man thinks you just agreed with him now, right?

You can't just hear a conspiracy theory, fan the flames, and then walk away.

Well, identity theft is a real and persistent issue in this day and age, and we really need to look into that.

And if none of what I've said bothers you, that's fine.

I mean, it's not really fine, but that is your right.

But you are also gonna need to co-sign on 1 more awkward thing, and that is that Jill Stein recorded several albums as part of a 90s folk rock band called Somebody's Sister.

And you don't get to not hear what they sound like.

Mm-hmm ♪ When all the mother's milk has gone bad I'm the poison pouring from the smoke stacks

And I frankly cannot have a president who's going to play her own inauguration with a band that sounds like the Indigo Girls fronting the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

So for now, let's move on to Gary Johnson, the two-term governor of New Mexico and the man who in most photographs seems to be around 80 percent sure that he is running for president.

Now, he has been polling around 6 percent nationally, which is pretty remarkable, given that his race has been largely notable for moments like not knowing what Aleppo is, not being able to name a world leader he admires, and whatever it is that he's doing here.

Do you think, if you were able to get on the debate stage, that you could pull even?

I think I could stand up there for the whole debate, and not say anything, and a movie says, -"Well, what have you

I'm not sure if he was doing that with his tongue on purpose, or if Gary Johnson's tongue just decided, fuck it, I'm done, and tried to escape through his mouth.

But, look, there is obviously more to Gary Johnson than just mistakes.

For instance, he is an avid outdoorsman who loves mountain climbing so much, he once described summiting Mount Everest like this.

People ask me, "'Gosh, what was it like to conquer Mount Everest?' Well, I did not conquer Mount Everest.

She lifted her skirt and I got in there and got a peek and it was really cool.

Or did you just dry hump the side of it and then go home?

It was great, now smell my finger, there's still some mountain air on it.

Now, as for his policies, as with Jill Stein, there is a lot to like there.

He supports marijuana legalization and opposes the death penalty, civil forfeiture, and police militarization.

But scratch beneath the surface, and there are some positions you may be less comfortable with.

For instance, he opposes having a minimum wage, and when he says he's for smaller governments, he's not kidding around.

Governors, could you name 3 federal departments or agencies that you would eliminate?

Education, the Department of Commerce, and housing and urban development.

He's giving up government agencies left and right.

This is Sophie's choice if she hated all of her children.

Take both kids, I'm sick of stepping on Legos.

But, But, to be fair, that is an intellectually consistent position, but now, watch him fold under the slightest pressure.

Would any of their functions still be performed by the federal government?

And you'd have to assume that they were doing something that was of value, and yeah, if they are doing something of value, yes, we would, we would be looking to continue those operations.

You can't identify any specific things they do?

Well, no, but you're asking 3 departments, and I'm giving them

Okay, for the record, and this is probably obvious, those 3 departments do actually do things of value.

Assuming that you find Pell Grants, mortgage insurance, low-income housing programs, the National Weather Service, the Patent and Trademark Office, and the Census Bureau to be of some value.

And if it comes as news to you that that's what those departments do, well then, hi, Gary, I'm excited you're watching the show.

Quick piece of advice, please stop trying to fuck mountains.

And again, again, like Jill Stein, Johnson is prone to overly simple solutions that could have disastrous consequences.

Just look at how he applies his small government approach to tax policy.

If I could wave a magic wand, I would eliminate income tax, I would eliminate corporate tax, I would abolish the IRS, and I would replace it all with 1 federal consumption tax.

You have a magic wand, and the first thing you do is eliminate income tax with it?

The first thing anyone should do is make soap taste as good as it smells.

But that magical, simple plan gets complicated very fast because Johnson says his consumption tax would be between 23 and 28 percent on almost everything you buy.

And that could clearly hurt poor people the most.

So his answer is that every single home in America would receive a pre-bait check each month, covering the cost of the sales tax up to around the poverty line.

But when a presidential advisory panel studied a similar proposal a decade ago, they found that it's not just that simple.

Aside from the complexity of the pre-bate program, which by the way, would become America's largest entitlement program ever, for this policy to work, they suggested the sales tax would have to be way more than 28 percent, with the burden falling heavily on the middle class.

And to avoid all that, there might have to be savage government cuts.

But rather than honestly admit that, Johnson tries to wriggle out of the subject.

The big problem with doing what you're doing is you wind up cutting the amount of revenues that government has to work with.

That's not so, according to economists, that's not so easy

If you say the fair tax number that's usually thrown out is 28%, this would be your consumption tax, So you're automatically reducing the 39% from the top level down.

That creates an issue about how you want to distribute the tax burden.

You're getting a little too into the weeds here.

The only point of discussing tax policy is to get into the weeds.

That and preventing premature ejaculation.

And if it can seem like Gary Johnson occasionally just doesn't give a f**k, maybe he doesn't.

Because wait until you hear his stance on combating climate change.

Should we take the long-term view when it comes to global warming?

And the long-term view is that in billions of years, the sun is gonna actually grow and encompass the Earth, right?

Don't worry, we'll all be dead eventually anyway.

I guess we're just lucky that we won't be around to see that day, because I do not want the last thing I hear to be Gary Johnson saying, the sun's not so much conquered the earth, it's merely lifted up her skirt and finger-blasted it.

-♪ ♪ -♪ The point here is, the more you look at both Gary Johnson and Jill Stein, the more you realize the lack of coverage they complain about so much might have genuinely benefited them.

Because their key proposals begin to crumble under the slightest scrutiny.

And look, I would love for there to be a perfect third-party candidate.

I even understand the argument that a third-party candidate can put a new issue or a new solution on the table.

But it is hard to make the case that that is what's happening here.

There is no perfect candidate in this race.

And when people say, you don't have to choose the lesser of 2 evils, they are right, because you have to choose the lesser of 4.

Anyone who goes into a voting booth on November the 8th and comes out saying, I feel 100% great about what I just did in there, is either lying to themselves, or did something unspeakable in that booth.

And that means, as uncomfortable as this is, everyone has to own the flaws of whoever you vote for, whether they are a lying, handsy, narcissistic sociopath, a hawkish, Wall Street-friendly embodiment of everything that some people can't stand about politics, an ill-tempered, mountain molester with a radical, dangerous tax plan that even he can't defend, or a conspiracy-pandering political neophyte with no clear understanding of how government operates and who once recorded this folk rap about the virtues of bicycling.

sun Underneath the stars ♪ ♪ On a role so fair To go to get there in the stars ♪ ♪ Waking for the nation The future generation ♪ ♪ Fingers to invitation But to hers the salvation ♪ -♪ 00000000 ♪ -♪ 00000000

♪ I feel like we just figured out who or what killed Biggie and Tupac.

And before you say, well, hold on, John, there is 1 perfect candidate that you haven't mentioned yet, I will remind you, he's broke as shit and he will not wear a suit.


Speaker 0: -♪ ♪ -♪♪ Our main story tonight is, unfortunately, continuing coverage of the 2016 election. Or, as it's better known, Lights on Rats on a Horse Corpse on Fire 2016. This election has now achieved a dubious distinction. Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are among the most disliked presidential candidates in history. So it is hardly surprising that some are seeking an alternative.

Speaker 1: Who's your vote for right

Speaker 2: now?

Speaker 3: I really don't like either candidate, to be honest.

Speaker 4: I'm not really excited about the election. I just don't really feel like I like either option.

Speaker 5: Republicans and Democrats are kind of bumming me out.

Speaker 3: 315, 320 million people, and this is the best 2 that we can come up with.

Speaker 0: It's true. Americans are so disillusioned by the major party candidate, it seemed many would prefer to vote for Kevin Kline's character from the movie Dave, or the ghost of Martin Luther King Jr., assuming he only said the 3 quotes that white people like. And this disenchantment may explain the high interest in America's third parties. Because when your 2 main options are depressing, any third choice seems good. If you're in a KFC taco bell, and you see a bunch of pigeons eating something in the parking lot, you might well think, hang on, what have they got over there?

And luckily, there are a great many third-party options out there. There's Jim Hedges of the Prohibition Party, the worst party without alcohol since your born-again cousin's wedding. There's Dan Vejcek of the Legal Marijuana Now Party, which should really be called the Illegal Marijuana Now, Legal Marijuana ASAP Party. And then there's independent writing candidate, Joe Exotic, who claims to run the world's largest private zoo for tigers, and produces incredible campaign videos.

Speaker 6: First thing is, I am not cutting my hair. I'm not changing the way I dress. I refuse to wear a suit. I am gay. I've had 2 boyfriends most of my life.

I am broke as shit. I have a judgment against me from some bitch down there in Florida, and this is all paid for by the committee of Joe Exotic Speaks for America.

Speaker 0: Wow! Just... Wow. Joe Exotic is truly the candidate you'd want to sit down and have a beer with, then another beer, and then several more beers until you're drunk enough to try meth for the first time. The point is, Joe Exotic, make America exotic again.

But the best known of the lesser known candidates are clearly Libertarian Gary Johnson and Green Party nominee Jill Stein. In a poll just last month, more than a third of young voters said they are considering voting for 1 of them. So they are worth taking seriously. And before we go any further, we should probably address the common critique that third-party candidates can siphon off votes and potentially wind up electing an ideological opponent. And there is some historical precedent for that, from Teddy Roosevelt's 1912 run, which arguably helped to elect Democrat Woodrow Wilson, to Ralph Nader in 2000, winning nearly 100,000 votes in Florida, a state which Al Gore famously lost by just 537.

But third parties are a little touchy about that whole spoiler tag. Just watch Gary Johnson respond after it's brought up.

Speaker 4: What do you guys mean of the idea that you are a spoiler canyon?

Speaker 5: That it's just... It's horrible. Why would you even say that? We're giving people a chance to vote for something as opposed to the lesser of 2 evils. We're not spoilers, we are the first vote.

So I guess we should drop out. Is that what you're saying? Is that your editorial here?

Speaker 0: Okay, Gary, just relax a little bit. You've already undercut your credentials as a serious candidate by wearing a yellow tie with jeans. Come on, Gary. You're running for president, not officiating Pikachu's beach wedding. Although, to be fair, Johnson's anger is understandable.

Just dismissing third-party candidates as spoilers shuts down debate. And while the argument that the only thing that stops Trump is a vote for Hillary Clinton is a powerful 1, so is the argument that people should vote for the candidate who most closely shares their values. So let's vet these candidates, not as spoilers or as protest votes, but as legitimate potential presidents. And we'll start with Jill Stein, the candidate who looks most like she believes carob is just as good as chocolate. Now, Stein is currently polling around 2 percent, and she has a lot going for her.

She's a doctor who practiced internal medicine for 27 years, and she has a broadly appealing pitch from environmental issues to expanding LGBT rights to reducing income inequality. But when it comes to policy, we all know the devil is in the details. So how exactly is she going to accomplish her goals? And let's start with the plan that has been central to her candidacy.

Speaker 1: We're the 1 party that's actually calling for canceling student debt, and bailing out a generation of young people, like we bailed out the bankers on Wall Street. We can do that for this generation and unleash them to be the stimulus package of our dreams.

Speaker 0: Okay, hold on, because stimulus package of your dreams sounds like how Paul Krugman describes his penis. But, but, but, she is right. Student debt is a massive 1.3 trillion dollar problem. Canceling it is Stein's flagship proposal. It is to her campaign what the border wall is to Donald Trump's.

So you would assume that she has a well-thought-out, coherent plan.

Speaker 1: My campaign is the only 1 that will do for, young people what our misleaders saw fit to do for Wall Street not that long ago. It was about 4000000000000 in free money in the form of so-called quantitative easing, which is a magic trick that basically people don't need to understand any more about than that it is a magic trick.

Speaker 0: No, it isn't, though. It is a very complicated monetary policy tool. And while It might not be important for most people to understand it, you certainly have to, and I don't think you do. Because for a start, while Jill Stein has said the president has the authority to cancel student debt using quantitative easing, that is absolutely wrong. The president does not have that authority, only the Federal Reserve does.

And it does not take marching orders from the White House because that would be extremely dangerous. You don't want to give presidents the power to just create new money whenever they want to. Think of it like this, if Joe Exotic is elected, You don't want him to be able to order the Fed to create money for the most lavish tiger-themed orgy the nation has ever seen, because they would then have to print the $3,500 it would take to do that. So, that issue alone makes our plan a non-starter before we even get into the fact that quantitative easing does not apply here, Stein is implying that it was used to cancel banks' debts, and that is absolutely not what it did. Using it the way that she's describing amounts to a president unilaterally passing a new law and funding it by printing new money.

And the dangers of that should be pretty obvious. In terms of how fundamentally flawed that is on every level, it's basically akin to saying, I'll make us energy independent by ordering the post office to invade Canada. No, Jill, that's impractical, it's a terrible idea, and you don't seem to understand anything about it." When I said her student debt proposal was her version of Donald Trump's border wall, I meant it. Because the only way it could be any more unlikely is if she claimed Mexico was somehow going to pay for it. And for a candidate who seems to be running on principle, it can be hard to pin her down on what those principles are.

After the EU Brexit vote, her campaign issued a statement in which she called the decision a victory before changing it to read, I agreed with the UK Greens who supported staying in the EU. And in response to charges that she was anti-vaccination, she tweeted, there's no evidence that autism is caused by vaccines before Jill Stein, a doctor, remember, replaced it with a more equivocal, I'm not aware of evidence linking autism with vaccines, leaving the door open for doubt and... Fucking measles! And this strategic vagueness even applies to answering a question from a 9-11 truther.

Speaker 7: I believe that the hijackers were patsies. They did have intent, but there was no ways they could fly those planes the way they did, and there's no way those steel buildings could fall

Speaker 2: the way they did. Do you

Speaker 8: have an opinion about that?

Speaker 1: So, I think we need the full story, and the 9-11 Commission itself said, we don't have the full story. So I would simply bring back that commission. This isn't controversial, in my view. It's time to get the full story.

Speaker 0: What are you doing? You know That man thinks you just agreed with him now, right? You can't just hear a conspiracy theory, fan the flames, and then walk away. Is Katy Perry John Bernay Ramsey? Well, identity theft is a real and persistent issue in this day and age, and we really need to look into that.

And if none of what I've said bothers you, that's fine. I mean, it's not really fine, but that is your right. But you are also gonna need to co-sign on 1 more awkward thing, and that is that Jill Stein recorded several albums as part of a 90s folk rock band called Somebody's Sister. And you don't get to not hear what they sound like. -♪ She wonders

Speaker 2: what will happen to the babies

Speaker 0: ♪ -♪

Speaker 2: Mm-hmm ♪ When all the mother's milk has gone bad I'm the poison pouring from the smoke stacks

Speaker 4: Rising up like silent thunder from

Speaker 2: the ash

Speaker 0: Jill, Jill, that is a very bad song. For a start, Silent Thunder is nothing. You're describing silence. And I frankly cannot have a president who's going to play her own inauguration with a band that sounds like the Indigo Girls fronting the Red Hot Chili Peppers. So for now, let's move on to Gary Johnson, the two-term governor of New Mexico and the man who in most photographs seems to be around 80 percent sure that he is running for president.

Now, he has been polling around 6 percent nationally, which is pretty remarkable, given that his race has been largely notable for moments like not knowing what Aleppo is, not being able to name a world leader he admires, and whatever it is that he's doing here.

Speaker 4: Do you think, if you were able to get on the debate stage, that you could pull even?

Speaker 8: I think I could stand up there for the whole debate, and not say anything, and a movie says, -"Well, what have you

Speaker 2: done?" -$1,000.

Speaker 0: I'm not sure if he was doing that with his tongue on purpose, or if Gary Johnson's tongue just decided, fuck it, I'm done, and tried to escape through his mouth. But, look, there is obviously more to Gary Johnson than just mistakes. For instance, he is an avid outdoorsman who loves mountain climbing so much, he once described summiting Mount Everest like this.

Speaker 5: People ask me, "'Gosh, what was it like to conquer Mount Everest?' Well, I did not conquer Mount Everest. She lifted her skirt and I got in there and got a peek and it was really cool. AUDIENCE GROANS

Speaker 0: Okay. Okay, I'm still a little confused here. Did you actually climb Mount Everest? Or did you just dry hump the side of it and then go home? It was great, now smell my finger, there's still some mountain air on it.

What is wrong with you? Now, as for his policies, as with Jill Stein, there is a lot to like there. He supports marijuana legalization and opposes the death penalty, civil forfeiture, and police militarization. But scratch beneath the surface, and there are some positions you may be less comfortable with. For instance, he opposes having a minimum wage, and when he says he's for smaller governments, he's not kidding around.

Speaker 3: Governors, could you name 3 federal departments or agencies that you would eliminate?

Speaker 5: Education, the Department of Commerce, and housing and urban development. How's that for starters?

Speaker 0: Whoa there! He's giving up government agencies left and right. This is Sophie's choice if she hated all of her children. Take both kids, I'm sick of stepping on Legos. Off you go.

But, But, to be fair, that is an intellectually consistent position, but now, watch him fold under the slightest pressure.

Speaker 3: Would any of their functions still be performed by the federal government?

Speaker 5: Gosh, if... And you'd have to assume that they were doing something that was of value, and yeah, if they are doing something of value, yes, we would, we would be looking to continue those operations.

Speaker 3: Those departments all do a lot of stuff. You can't identify any specific things they do?

Speaker 5: Well, no, but you're asking 3 departments, and I'm giving them

Speaker 2: to you.

Speaker 9: And, well,

Speaker 5: let's just take the

Speaker 8: assumption that

Speaker 5: they should be eliminated.

Speaker 0: Okay, for the record, and this is probably obvious, those 3 departments do actually do things of value. Assuming that you find Pell Grants, mortgage insurance, low-income housing programs, the National Weather Service, the Patent and Trademark Office, and the Census Bureau to be of some value. And if it comes as news to you that that's what those departments do, well then, hi, Gary, I'm excited you're watching the show. Quick piece of advice, please stop trying to fuck mountains. And...

And again, again, like Jill Stein, Johnson is prone to overly simple solutions that could have disastrous consequences. Just look at how he applies his small government approach to tax policy.

Speaker 5: If I could wave a magic wand, I would eliminate income tax, I would eliminate corporate tax, I would abolish the IRS, and I would replace it all with 1 federal consumption tax.

Speaker 0: Come on, Gary! You have a magic wand, and the first thing you do is eliminate income tax with it? Shame on you! The first thing anyone should do is make soap taste as good as it smells. And, f**k you, don't judge me.

It's not the only thing that I would do. It's just the first thing I would do. But that magical, simple plan gets complicated very fast because Johnson says his consumption tax would be between 23 and 28 percent on almost everything you buy. And that could clearly hurt poor people the most. So his answer is that every single home in America would receive a pre-bait check each month, covering the cost of the sales tax up to around the poverty line.

But when a presidential advisory panel studied a similar proposal a decade ago, they found that it's not just that simple. Aside from the complexity of the pre-bate program, which by the way, would become America's largest entitlement program ever, for this policy to work, they suggested the sales tax would have to be way more than 28 percent, with the burden falling heavily on the middle class. And to avoid all that, there might have to be savage government cuts. But rather than honestly admit that, Johnson tries to wriggle out of the subject.

Speaker 9: The big problem with doing what you're doing is you wind up cutting the amount of revenues that government has to work with.

Speaker 5: No, actually, It's revenue neutral. The whole proposal...

Speaker 9: That's not so, according to economists, that's not so easy

Speaker 8: to achieve.

Speaker 2: Well then,

Speaker 5: well maybe not.

Speaker 9: Because you're doing, why? Just to give you the context, why? If you say the fair tax number that's usually thrown out is 28%, this would be your consumption tax, So you're automatically reducing the 39% from the top level down. That creates an issue about how you want to distribute the tax burden.

Speaker 5: You're getting a little too into the weeds here.

Speaker 0: What do you mean, too in the weeds? The only point of discussing tax policy is to get into the weeds. That and preventing premature ejaculation. That's the 2 options. And if it can seem like Gary Johnson occasionally just doesn't give a f**k, maybe he doesn't.

Because wait until you hear his stance on combating climate change.

Speaker 5: Should we take the long-term view when it comes to global warming? I think that we should. And the long-term view is that in billions of years, the sun is gonna actually grow and encompass the Earth, right? So global warming is in our future.

Speaker 0: That's your plan? Don't worry, we'll all be dead eventually anyway. I guess we're just lucky that we won't be around to see that day, because I do not want the last thing I hear to be Gary Johnson saying, the sun's not so much conquered the earth, it's merely lifted up her skirt and finger-blasted it. No, Gary! Why are you so weird?

-♪ ♪ -♪ The point here is, the more you look at both Gary Johnson and Jill Stein, the more you realize the lack of coverage they complain about so much might have genuinely benefited them. Because their key proposals begin to crumble under the slightest scrutiny. And look, I would love for there to be a perfect third-party candidate. I even understand the argument that a third-party candidate can put a new issue or a new solution on the table. But it is hard to make the case that that is what's happening here.

There is no perfect candidate in this race. And when people say, you don't have to choose the lesser of 2 evils, they are right, because you have to choose the lesser of 4. Anyone who goes into a voting booth on November the 8th and comes out saying, I feel 100% great about what I just did in there, is either lying to themselves, or did something unspeakable in that booth. And that means, as uncomfortable as this is, everyone has to own the flaws of whoever you vote for, whether they are a lying, handsy, narcissistic sociopath, a hawkish, Wall Street-friendly embodiment of everything that some people can't stand about politics, an ill-tempered, mountain molester with a radical, dangerous tax plan that even he can't defend, or a conspiracy-pandering political neophyte with no clear understanding of how government operates and who once recorded this folk rap about the virtues of bicycling. -♪ She's out there in the

Speaker 2: sun Underneath the stars ♪ ♪ On a role so fair To go to get there in the stars ♪ ♪ Waking for the nation The future generation ♪ ♪ Fingers to invitation But to hers the salvation ♪ -♪ 00000000 ♪ -♪ 00000000

Speaker 0: ♪ I feel like we just figured out who or what killed Biggie and Tupac. And... And before you say, well, hold on, John, there is 1 perfect candidate that you haven't mentioned yet, I will remind you, he's broke as shit and he will not wear a suit.

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Third Parties: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)