- The United Kingdom held a snap election, called by Prime Minister Theresa May to consolidate her power, but it backfired spectacularly.
- The election resulted in a hung parliament, with May attempting to form a distasteful alliance with the anti-gay, anti-abortion Democratic Unionist Party (DUP) in Northern Ireland.
- There are rumors of a leadership challenge from within May's own party by Boris Johnson.
- May's opponent, Jeremy Corbyn, and the Labour Party performed better than expected in the election.
- The upcoming Brexit negotiations will be difficult and complicated, with only two years to reach a deal.
- The options for Brexit range from a hard Brexit, leaving the single market, to a soft Brexit, remaining part of the single market.
- Immigration, the issue of Northern Ireland, and trade are among the complex issues that need to be addressed in the negotiations.

- The UK's withdrawal from the EU single market without a trade deal could result in high tariffs on UK products, particularly affecting farmers who rely on EU agricultural exports and subsidies.
- The future of the British economy outside of EU trade agreements is uncertain, and there is a lot of work to be done in terms of deciding which EU laws to keep, setting up regulatory agencies, and negotiating new treaties.
- Brexit negotiations need to be finalized within two years, and if no deal is reached, the UK would face a "cliff edge" scenario with harsh consequences.
- The EU has a vested interest in making negotiations difficult to dissuade other countries from leaving, and they have already taken a firm stance.
- Theresa May's unclear and evasive approach to Brexit negotiations has weakened her position and made it harder to enact a plan.
- The UK faces a daunting task with a weakened pound and a lack of leverage and political mandate.
- The suggestion is made to send an unexpected negotiator, such as the intergalactic space lord Lord Buckethead, to Brussels.

In the wake of a divisive election, the UK will begin the process of leaving the European Union. John Oliver and an intergalactic space lord propose a plan.

Connect with Last Week Tonight online...

Subscribe to the Last Week Tonight YouTube channel for more almost news as it almost happens: www.youtube.com/user/LastWeekTonight

Find Last Week Tonight on Facebook like your mom would: http://Facebook.com/LastWeekTonight

Follow us on Twitter for news about jokes and jokes about news: http://Twitter.com/LastWeekTonight

Visit our official site for all that other stuff at once: http://www.hbo.com/lastweektonight

-♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ The United Kingdom, the country that's been saying, -"Yas, Queen!" for centuries.

---WOMAN LAUGHING We've been saying it for centuries.

Yas!" -"Yas, Queen!" Now, the UK held a national election this week.

There wasn't actually due to be 1 for 3 years, but Prime Minister Theresa May called it early.

It's called a snap election, and she did it to consolidate her power, although it didn't quite work out that way.

A disaster for the UK Prime Minister tonight.

Theresa May's Conservatives suffering a stunning setback.

Her goal of securing a stronger hand for Brexit negotiations has backfired spectacularly.

The snap general election has ended with a hung parliament.

Yes, this was a clusterfuck, or to be more precise, a crumpetfuck of epic proportions.

Theresa May is hanging on to her job by a thread.

To stay in power, she's attempting to cut a distasteful deal with the DUP, a hardline, anti-gay, anti-abortion party in Northern Ireland, which has opened her up to even more criticism.

Meanwhile, there are rumors of a leadership challenge from within her own party by Boris Johnson, a grown man who perpetually looks like a seven-year-old who's just spun in circles for 2 minutes and is about to throw up.

And while Theresa May did manage to win re-election in her own constituency, even that came with some humiliation.

British politics has a proud tradition of having all candidates standing together on the stage when the results are announced.

Even joke candidates, which means that on election night, as her party was dealt a massive blow, the Prime Minister here had to stand on stage alongside Elmo, who got 3 votes, as well as Howling Lord Hope of the Monster Raving Loony Party, who got 119 votes.

And if you've noticed this guy, wait till you hear his name.

0, you can roll your eyes all you like, Teresa.

Your evening just found a way to get a lot worse.

And for the record, Lord Buckethead is this guy.

An intergalactic space lord who ran on a platform of, among other things, the abolition of the Lordes, brackets, except me, and stop selling arms to Saudi Arabia, start buying lasers from Lorde's bucket head.

And he did this, all while looking like Darth Vader fucked an Amazon Echo.

What I'm saying is, what I'm saying is, British politics, when done well, can be very fun.

So, how did Theresa May suffer such a setback in an election that just 2 months ago she was predicted to win in a landslide?

Well, among other things, she ran a campaign full of mistakes, flip-flops, and uninspiring moments like this.

What's the naughtiest thing you ever did?

I have to confess, when me and my friends sort of used to run through the fields of wheat, the farmers weren't too pleased about that.

The naughtiest thing you've ever done is run through a wheat field?

I cannot imagine a scenario when that is ever naughty, unless you're doing it while high on PCP and fucking a cantaloupe.

Now, 1 of the beneficiaries of the election was May's key opponent, Jeremy Corbyn.

He and Britain's Labour Party vastly outperformed expectations despite taking some rough treatment from the British tabloids.

So, this was a genuinely impressive performance for Corbyn, only slightly undercut by 1 awkward moment with a fellow party leader.

he arrived at his own count in his Lington last night,

though his high 5 with Emily Thornberry went a touch too far, perhaps.

A celebratory moment immediately followed by history's most catastrophic rounding of second base.

And look, look, I do not agree with Theresa May on the vast majority of issues.

Although I will say, the tone of some of the coverage surrounding her setback was more than a little sexist.

The face of Theresa May, the look of a woman defeated, heavily made up, as if she'd been in tears earlier.

there's 1 thing I can recognize, it's the look of a woman defeated.

It's the 1 my female colleagues give me any time I tell them to smile more in the office.

Anyway, back to you in the studio, Angela.

That's the exact expression I'm referring to there.

Cheer up, old girl, you look absolutely miserable.

Now, the whole point of May calling this election early in the first place was to strengthen her hand going into Brexit negotiations.

And though it has done the exact opposite of that, Tonight, let's take a look at what those talks are going to involve, because talks are set to begin a week from tomorrow, and they need to be completed by March of 2019, which is not a lot of time to do something incredibly important and incredibly complicated.

But we've been in for more than 40 years, with our countries, our systems, becoming more and more tangled up with each other, more and more enmeshed.

And we only have 2 years to hammer out a divorce deal.

This is going to be a messy, complicated divorce.

And it's a rough analogy, but try and think of it this way.

Imagine if Florida wanted to secede from the union.

But, but think about everything that that would actually entail.

Florida has a border with Alabama and Georgia that would potentially need patrolling.

Any Florida goods going over that border, like oranges or meth, would likely...

And then you'd need to decide whether Floridians would be welcome to live and work in the U.S., or Americans welcome in Florida, and that's before you even get into the tricky question of who's forced to take custody of Hulk Hogan.

Splitting up would be an immensely complicated process.

It's a great idea, and we should definitely do it, but it wouldn't be easy.

And Brexit is going to be vastly more difficult and more expensive, too.

For a start, a so-called divorce bill needs to be negotiated where the U.K.

Settles financial commitments that they made while a part of the EU.

And some estimates put that as high as 100 billion euros.

Broadly speaking, the question is whether the U.K.

And that is a concept that British TV has repeatedly attempted to explain, sometimes in the most ludicrous possible fashion.

The options range from a harder Brexit to a softer Brexit.

And what better way to judge people's political tastes than through cheese?

What better way to judge people's political taste than through cheese?

I don't know, off the top of my head, literally all other ways.

Even BuzzFeed would find, tell us what cheese you like and we'll tell you what Brexit you want, to be too stupid for 1 of their quizzes.

And they've run the actual quizzes, should you stick this up your butt?

Which is ridiculous, because as we addressed last week, there is only 1 Olsen twin.

It's a gigantic conspiracy, you're being lied to, I just don't know why yet.

That report actually had some useful information in it, if you can ignore the fact that it is pointlessly written on cheese.

A harder Brexit would see the UK leave the single market.

The UK would then trade with the EU under World Trade Organization rules.

We'd also have more of a say over our borders so we could control immigration.

A softer Brexit would see the UK remain part of the single market.

There'd be continued free access for EU nationals, but Britain's exports wouldn't be subject to border checks.

And that's actually a pretty decent explainer, although I really must insist that cheese is distractingly weird.

Really, the only time cheese should be used as a framing device is if you are a mouse couple posing for wedding photos.

And even then, it's a little Pinterest-y.

I'm just saying, it's never a bad idea to ask yourself, if you somehow couldn't Instagram your wedding, would you still be getting married?

The point is, within that hard, soft framework are decisions that will affect a lot of lives.

There are currently 3000000 EU citizens living in the UK, and 1.2 million British citizens living in Europe, all of whom presumably wouldn't mind knowing where they're going to be allowed to live and what their rights might be in just 2 years' time.

Then there's the issue of Northern Ireland, which is part of the U.K.

And will therefore Brexit, but the Republic of Ireland is part of the E.U.

And any effort to stop policing the border between them will be difficult because there is a long, painful history of tensions on the subject of that divide.

The idea of border checkpoints suddenly splitting communities again could quickly become a nightmare.

So this is a huge, delicate problem, which 1 news report illustrated in the most whimsical way possible.

Pip the dog goes on a brief excursion to the Republic of Ireland...

And returns to the United Kingdom just as easily.

This dog, he had no license to cross the border, so he'll have to go to jail now.

Now, yes, that is undeniably an objectively silly way to illustrate an important issue.

Although I will say, I'm not sure there is a better metaphor for the British Empire than, a jolly chap named Pip shows fuck all respect for a border.

This bit of land here is mine, and this 1 too, and this part is very fun to play around in.

And we haven't even got to what may be the most difficult issue of all here, and that is trade.

Because pulling out of the EU single market without striking a favorable trade deal could expose UK products to high tariffs, and that is especially worrisome for farmers, since around two-thirds of the UK's agricultural exports go to the EU, not to mention the significant EU farm subsidies that would be lost.

So it's frankly no wonder that farmers are concerned.

Andrew Boff's family have farmed here since 1947.

If we leave without a trade deal, he'll be badly hit.

We'd have a job to export things because of the tariffs, particularly with something like these sheep, which a third of all lambs in the country need to be exported.

The whole food industry, I believe, is at risk.

Yeah, we're gonna have a real go at them, that's what I do in life.

Now, now listen, Could they have cut out of that interview before the pig started grinding on that post?

Yes, but they didn't, because they knew that twerking pig may actually be the perfect embodiment of the entire Brexit situation.

It's in motion already, we're all powerless to stop it, and it is impossible to look away.

-♪ ♪ -♪ And as for how the British economy will fare outside of EU negotiated trade agreements, that is also very much unclear.

Some argue that things could work out great, and that no matter what, British products are so desirable, they will find eager customers all around the world.

Maybe pork pies, marmite, mushy peas, and undiagnosed clinical depression will all take the planet by storm.

And sure, that is technically, technically possible, but there is a massive amount of work to do before that can happen.

For instance, the UK will need to decide which EU laws, regulating many of its industries, it'll choose to keep on everything from workers' rights to environmental protection.

It'll also likely need to set up its own regulatory agencies to replace the EU bodies that it's been relying on.

And it may also need to negotiate new treaties to replace the 759 EU broker deals that it will immediately be excluded from, governing everything from wine to nuclear power to the 1981 bilateral agreement with Iceland concerning the trade of sheep meat and goat meat.

What I'm trying to say is, any single part of Brexit is a mountainous task, and that is before you get to the tiny little bits that you understandably haven't even thought might be a problem.

250,000 dogs and cats go across the British Channel every year.

Trying to work out how the pet passports work, that would take several months of negotiation.

They even have to work out the issue of pet passports.

And while they are a genuine logistical concern, pet passports do also sound like they belong to real arsehole cats and dogs.

I mean, technically I'm a Persian, but I consider myself more a citizen of the world.

-♪ ♪ -♪ Fuck you muffin, you still use your mouth to clean your butt.

And remember, the entire Brexit deal with the EU needs to be finalized within just 2 years.

And if you're thinking, well, what if they don't get it done in that time, well, this happens.

If there's no deal, that leaves only 1 option.

The cliff edge describes the reality of 1 day being in the EU with everything that that means, and the next day being out of it with no deal.

You know, there is exactly 1 instance in which the melodramatic stock footage of an old-timey car flying off a cliff is appropriate for news broadcast, and congratulations, you've all just witnessed it.

Because if there is no deal, everything from tariffs to immigration would basically default to the harshest possible scenario, which could destabilize the entire country.

And look, in theory, they could get an extension on the negotiation, but that would require all 27 EU members to unanimously approve it, and I would not rely on that happening.

The EU has a vested interest in making this negotiation as difficult as possible, because however much they may value the UK as a partner, they need to dissuade any other countries from pulling out.

And the EU is already taking a firm line.

For instance, after the Brexit vote, Boris Johnson, a man with the face of a Roald Dahl character and the uncomfortable racism of a Roald Dahl, claimed that our policy is having our cake and eating it.

Well, watch EU President Donald Tusk dismantle that idea.

To all who believe in it, I propose a simple experiment.

Buy a cake, eat it, and see if it is still there on the plate.

Although, someone should probably tell him that British people absolutely love salt and vinegar.

Just look at all of our variations on salt and vinegar crisps.

So, to be honest, threatening the British by saying there will be only salt and vinegar on the table, it's like threatening the French by saying there will only be wine and baguettes.

Or threatening the Swiss by saying there will only be chocolate and Nazi gold.

The fact is, the UK currently faces a daunting task.

The pound has suffered since the Brexit vote, and Theresa May seems to have fatally weakened her position going into the negotiations, making it harder for her to enact her plan, although it wasn't clear what the fuck that plan was in the first place.

Because while she seems to favor a hard Brexit, she could be maddeningly evasive when asked for specifics.

People talk about the sort of Brexit that there is going to be.

Actually, we want a red, white, and blue Brexit.

That is the right Brexit for the United Kingdom.

You're heading into a negotiation that will set the course for Britain for generations, and you're naming colors on the fucking flag.

That may be the most ridiculous thing you've ever said.

And actually, you know, I apologize to that guy from before.

I said there was literally no worse way to discuss this than with cheese, but I was not counting on Thatcher in the rye here answering a policy question with a fucking color scheme.

In fact, it is not a great sign that the single most honest statement from any candidate in this election regarding the difficulty of the task ahead came from a man with a two-foot bucket on his head.

Your Prime Minister, your MP, Theresa May, called this election about Brexit.

Have we heard from her what she plans to do about Brexit?

This is mad On Thursday, you are going to be faced with Prime Minister May or Prime Minister Corbyn against 27 prime ministers from the European Union.

I never thought I'd say this, but that intergalactic space lord has a point.

Look, in 8 days, the UK is set to walk into a negotiation with no real leverage, no significant political mandate, and no coherent plan.

And I don't really have a solution to that, but I do have a proposal for Theresa May, because at this point, you have basically fucked everything up.

And your only real chance here is to utilize the element of surprise.

So how about, instead of sending a career negotiator, why not send someone that there is no way they would expect.

I'm talking about someone bold, unafraid to call it how it is.

Someone with a firm, leather-clad grasp of the issues.

Someone with a bucket list of demands, and an honest, slightly muffled voice.

That's right, I'm talking about the intergalactic space lord himself.

And the reason I know that is we found him, contacted him, and actually flew him here to New York this morning.

Now, could we have just made a similar costume and put an intern in it?

Yes, shit, we could have done that, that's a good point.

But we didn't, and the fact that we didn't is why I am now able to present to you here tonight your new Brexit negotiator.

Theresa May, if you are still Prime Minister by the time that this show airs, I implore you, send the Dark Lords to Brussels.

Yes, but it would not even be close to the stupidest thing that you have ever done.


Speaker 0: -♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ The United Kingdom, the country that's been saying, -"Yas, Queen!" for centuries. ---WOMAN LAUGHING We've been saying it for centuries. -"Yas, Queen! Yas!" -"Yas, Queen!" Now, the UK held a national election this week. There wasn't actually due to be 1 for 3 years, but Prime Minister Theresa May called it early.

It's called a snap election, and she did it to consolidate her power, although it didn't quite work out that way.

Speaker 1: A disaster for the UK Prime Minister tonight. Theresa May's Conservatives suffering a stunning setback.

Speaker 2: Her goal of securing a stronger hand for Brexit negotiations has backfired spectacularly. The snap general election has ended with a hung parliament.

Speaker 0: Yes, this was a clusterfuck, or to be more precise, a crumpetfuck of epic proportions. Theresa May is hanging on to her job by a thread. To stay in power, she's attempting to cut a distasteful deal with the DUP, a hardline, anti-gay, anti-abortion party in Northern Ireland, which has opened her up to even more criticism. Meanwhile, there are rumors of a leadership challenge from within her own party by Boris Johnson, a grown man who perpetually looks like a seven-year-old who's just spun in circles for 2 minutes and is about to throw up. And while Theresa May did manage to win re-election in her own constituency, even that came with some humiliation.

And let me explain. British politics has a proud tradition of having all candidates standing together on the stage when the results are announced. Even joke candidates, which means that on election night, as her party was dealt a massive blow, the Prime Minister here had to stand on stage alongside Elmo, who got 3 votes, as well as Howling Lord Hope of the Monster Raving Loony Party, who got 119 votes. And if you've noticed this guy, wait till you hear his name.

Speaker 2: Lord Buckethead. -♪ ♪ -$249.

Speaker 0: -♪ ♪ -$249. Oh! 0, you can roll your eyes all you like, Teresa. Your evening just found a way to get a lot worse. And for the record, Lord Buckethead is this guy.

An intergalactic space lord who ran on a platform of, among other things, the abolition of the Lordes, brackets, except me, and stop selling arms to Saudi Arabia, start buying lasers from Lorde's bucket head. And he did this, all while looking like Darth Vader fucked an Amazon Echo. What I'm saying is, what I'm saying is, British politics, when done well, can be very fun. So, how did Theresa May suffer such a setback in an election that just 2 months ago she was predicted to win in a landslide? Well, among other things, she ran a campaign full of mistakes, flip-flops, and uninspiring moments like this.

Speaker 3: What's the naughtiest thing you ever did? Oh, goodness me. Well, I suppose that... Gosh, do you know, I'm not quite sure. I have to confess, when me and my friends sort of used to run through the fields of wheat, the farmers weren't too pleased about that.

Speaker 0: -... -... The naughtiest thing you've ever done is run through a wheat field? I cannot imagine a scenario when that is ever naughty, unless you're doing it while high on PCP and fucking a cantaloupe. Now, 1 of the beneficiaries of the election was May's key opponent, Jeremy Corbyn.

He and Britain's Labour Party vastly outperformed expectations despite taking some rough treatment from the British tabloids. So, this was a genuinely impressive performance for Corbyn, only slightly undercut by 1 awkward moment with a fellow party leader.

Speaker 4: Mr. Corbyn was beaming as

Speaker 1: he arrived at his own count in his Lington last night,

Speaker 4: though his high 5 with Emily Thornberry went a touch too far, perhaps.

Speaker 0: Oh! 0! That... That's not ideal. That's not ideal.

A celebratory moment immediately followed by history's most catastrophic rounding of second base. -♪ ♪ -♪ Oh! And look, look, I do not agree with Theresa May on the vast majority of issues. Although I will say, the tone of some of the coverage surrounding her setback was more than a little sexist.

Speaker 5: The face of Theresa May, the look of a woman defeated, heavily made up, as if she'd been in tears earlier. Her voice cracking at times, I thought. And if

Speaker 0: there's 1 thing I can recognize, it's the look of a woman defeated. It's the 1 my female colleagues give me any time I tell them to smile more in the office. Anyway, back to you in the studio, Angela. See, there it is! That's the exact expression I'm referring to there.

Cheer up, old girl, you look absolutely miserable. Now, the whole point of May calling this election early in the first place was to strengthen her hand going into Brexit negotiations. And though it has done the exact opposite of that, Tonight, let's take a look at what those talks are going to involve, because talks are set to begin a week from tomorrow, and they need to be completed by March of 2019, which is not a lot of time to do something incredibly important and incredibly complicated.

Speaker 6: Britain wants out of the EU. But we've been in for more than 40 years, with our countries, our systems, becoming more and more tangled up with each other, more and more enmeshed. And we only have 2 years to hammer out a divorce deal.

Speaker 0: It's true. This is going to be a messy, complicated divorce. And it's a rough analogy, but try and think of it this way. Imagine if Florida wanted to secede from the union. Nice, right?

But, but think about everything that that would actually entail. Florida has a border with Alabama and Georgia that would potentially need patrolling. Any Florida goods going over that border, like oranges or meth, would likely... Be subject to tariffs. And then you'd need to decide whether Floridians would be welcome to live and work in the U.S., or Americans welcome in Florida, and that's before you even get into the tricky question of who's forced to take custody of Hulk Hogan.

The point is, Florida and the U.S. Splitting up would be an immensely complicated process. It's a great idea, and we should definitely do it, but it wouldn't be easy. And Brexit is going to be vastly more difficult and more expensive, too. For a start, a so-called divorce bill needs to be negotiated where the U.K.

Settles financial commitments that they made while a part of the EU. And some estimates put that as high as 100 billion euros. And that's just the beginning. Broadly speaking, the question is whether the U.K. Will have a hard or a soft Brexit.

And that is a concept that British TV has repeatedly attempted to explain, sometimes in the most ludicrous possible fashion.

Speaker 7: The options range from a harder Brexit to a softer Brexit. And what better way to judge people's political tastes than through cheese? Hard or soft?

Speaker 0: What? What better way to judge people's political taste than through cheese? I don't know, off the top of my head, literally all other ways. Even BuzzFeed would find, tell us what cheese you like and we'll tell you what Brexit you want, to be too stupid for 1 of their quizzes. And they've run the actual quizzes, should you stick this up your butt?

And which Olsen twin are you? Which is ridiculous, because as we addressed last week, there is only 1 Olsen twin. It's a gigantic conspiracy, you're being lied to, I just don't know why yet. But anyway, put that aside. That report actually had some useful information in it, if you can ignore the fact that it is pointlessly written on cheese.

Speaker 7: A harder Brexit would see the UK leave the single market. The UK would then trade with the EU under World Trade Organization rules. We'd also have more of a say over our borders so we could control immigration. A softer Brexit would see the UK remain part of the single market. There'd be continued free access for EU nationals, but Britain's exports wouldn't be subject to border checks.

Speaker 0: And that's actually a pretty decent explainer, although I really must insist that cheese is distractingly weird. Really, the only time cheese should be used as a framing device is if you are a mouse couple posing for wedding photos. And even then, it's a little Pinterest-y. I'm just saying, it's never a bad idea to ask yourself, if you somehow couldn't Instagram your wedding, would you still be getting married? Anyway...

The point is, within that hard, soft framework are decisions that will affect a lot of lives. Take immigration. There are currently 3000000 EU citizens living in the UK, and 1.2 million British citizens living in Europe, all of whom presumably wouldn't mind knowing where they're going to be allowed to live and what their rights might be in just 2 years' time. Then there's the issue of Northern Ireland, which is part of the U.K. And will therefore Brexit, but the Republic of Ireland is part of the E.U.

And any effort to stop policing the border between them will be difficult because there is a long, painful history of tensions on the subject of that divide. The idea of border checkpoints suddenly splitting communities again could quickly become a nightmare. So this is a huge, delicate problem, which 1 news report illustrated in the most whimsical way possible.

Speaker 8: Pip the dog goes on a brief excursion to the Republic of Ireland... And returns to the United Kingdom just as easily.

Speaker 0: This dog, he had no license to cross the border, so he'll have to go to jail now. He's an illegal immigrant. Now, yes. Yes. Now, yes, that is undeniably an objectively silly way to illustrate an important issue.

Although I will say, I'm not sure there is a better metaphor for the British Empire than, a jolly chap named Pip shows fuck all respect for a border. This bit of land here is mine, and this 1 too, and this part is very fun to play around in. And we haven't even got to what may be the most difficult issue of all here, and that is trade. Because pulling out of the EU single market without striking a favorable trade deal could expose UK products to high tariffs, and that is especially worrisome for farmers, since around two-thirds of the UK's agricultural exports go to the EU, not to mention the significant EU farm subsidies that would be lost. So it's frankly no wonder that farmers are concerned.

Speaker 9: Andrew Boff's family have farmed here since 1947. If we leave without a trade deal, he'll be badly hit.

Speaker 10: We'd have a job to export things because of the tariffs, particularly with something like these sheep, which a third of all lambs in the country need to be exported. The whole food industry, I believe, is at risk.

Speaker 0: -... -...

Speaker 10: Yeah, we're gonna have a real go at them, that's what I do in life.

Speaker 0: Now, now listen, Could they have cut out of that interview before the pig started grinding on that post? Yes, but they didn't, because they knew that twerking pig may actually be the perfect embodiment of the entire Brexit situation. It's in motion already, we're all powerless to stop it, and it is impossible to look away. -♪ ♪ -♪ And as for how the British economy will fare outside of EU negotiated trade agreements, that is also very much unclear. Some argue that things could work out great, and that no matter what, British products are so desirable, they will find eager customers all around the world.

And maybe that's true. Maybe pork pies, marmite, mushy peas, and undiagnosed clinical depression will all take the planet by storm. And sure, that is technically, technically possible, but there is a massive amount of work to do before that can happen. For instance, the UK will need to decide which EU laws, regulating many of its industries, it'll choose to keep on everything from workers' rights to environmental protection. It'll also likely need to set up its own regulatory agencies to replace the EU bodies that it's been relying on.

And it may also need to negotiate new treaties to replace the 759 EU broker deals that it will immediately be excluded from, governing everything from wine to nuclear power to the 1981 bilateral agreement with Iceland concerning the trade of sheep meat and goat meat. What I'm trying to say is, any single part of Brexit is a mountainous task, and that is before you get to the tiny little bits that you understandably haven't even thought might be a problem.

Speaker 11: 250,000 dogs and cats go across the British Channel every year. Trying to work out how the pet passports work, that would take several months of negotiation.

Speaker 0: He's right! They even have to work out the issue of pet passports. And while they are a genuine logistical concern, pet passports do also sound like they belong to real arsehole cats and dogs. I mean, technically I'm a Persian, but I consider myself more a citizen of the world. -♪ ♪ -♪ Fuck you muffin, you still use your mouth to clean your butt.

You're not better than me. You're not better than me. And remember, the entire Brexit deal with the EU needs to be finalized within just 2 years. And if you're thinking, well, what if they don't get it done in that time, well, this happens.

Speaker 6: If there's no deal, that leaves only 1 option. The cliff edge.

Speaker 0: -♪ ♪ -♪

Speaker 12: The cliff edge describes the reality of 1 day being in the EU with everything that that means, and the next day being out of it with no deal.

Speaker 0: You know, there is exactly 1 instance in which the melodramatic stock footage of an old-timey car flying off a cliff is appropriate for news broadcast, and congratulations, you've all just witnessed it. Because if there is no deal, everything from tariffs to immigration would basically default to the harshest possible scenario, which could destabilize the entire country. And look, in theory, they could get an extension on the negotiation, but that would require all 27 EU members to unanimously approve it, and I would not rely on that happening. The EU has a vested interest in making this negotiation as difficult as possible, because however much they may value the UK as a partner, they need to dissuade any other countries from pulling out. And the EU is already taking a firm line.

For instance, after the Brexit vote, Boris Johnson, a man with the face of a Roald Dahl character and the uncomfortable racism of a Roald Dahl, claimed that our policy is having our cake and eating it. Well, watch EU President Donald Tusk dismantle that idea.

Speaker 13: To all who believe in it, I propose a simple experiment. Buy a cake, eat it, and see if it is still there on the plate.

Speaker 0: -...

Speaker 13: There will be no cakes on the table. For anyone. There will be only salt and vinegar.

Speaker 0: Ouch! Ouch, Donald, ouch! Nothing but salt and vinegar. That is some tough talk. Although, someone should probably tell him that British people absolutely love salt and vinegar.

Just look at all of our variations on salt and vinegar crisps. So, to be honest, threatening the British by saying there will be only salt and vinegar on the table, it's like threatening the French by saying there will only be wine and baguettes. Or threatening the Swiss by saying there will only be chocolate and Nazi gold. Those are their 2 favorite things. They like those equally.

The fact is, the UK currently faces a daunting task. The pound has suffered since the Brexit vote, and Theresa May seems to have fatally weakened her position going into the negotiations, making it harder for her to enact her plan, although it wasn't clear what the fuck that plan was in the first place. Because while she seems to favor a hard Brexit, she could be maddeningly evasive when asked for specifics.

Speaker 14: People talk about the sort of Brexit that there is going to be. Is it hard, soft? Is it gray, white? Actually, we want a red, white, and blue Brexit. That is the right Brexit for the United Kingdom.

Speaker 0: But what does that mean? You're heading into a negotiation that will set the course for Britain for generations, and you're naming colors on the fucking flag. Forget running through fields of wheat. That may be the most ridiculous thing you've ever said. And actually, you know, I apologize to that guy from before.

I said there was literally no worse way to discuss this than with cheese, but I was not counting on Thatcher in the rye here answering a policy question with a fucking color scheme. And, you know what? Her vagueness did not go unnoticed. In fact, it is not a great sign that the single most honest statement from any candidate in this election regarding the difficulty of the task ahead came from a man with a two-foot bucket on his head.

Speaker 8: Your Prime Minister, your MP, Theresa May, called this election about Brexit. Have we heard from her what she plans to do about Brexit? This is mad On Thursday, you are going to be faced with Prime Minister May or Prime Minister Corbyn against 27 prime ministers from the European Union. It will be a shit show.

Speaker 0: -♪ ♪ -♪♪ -♪♪ You know what? You know what? I never thought I'd say this, but that intergalactic space lord has a point. Look, in 8 days, the UK is set to walk into a negotiation with no real leverage, no significant political mandate, and no coherent plan. And I don't really have a solution to that, but I do have a proposal for Theresa May, because at this point, you have basically fucked everything up.

And your only real chance here is to utilize the element of surprise. So how about, instead of sending a career negotiator, why not send someone that there is no way they would expect. I'm talking about someone bold, unafraid to call it how it is. Someone with a firm, leather-clad grasp of the issues. Someone with a bucket list of demands, and an honest, slightly muffled voice.

That's right, I'm talking about the intergalactic space lord himself. Here's the question. Is he willing to do it? Well, yes, he is. And the reason I know that is we found him, contacted him, and actually flew him here to New York this morning.

Now, could we have just made a similar costume and put an intern in it? Yes, shit, we could have done that, that's a good point. But we didn't, and the fact that we didn't is why I am now able to present to you here tonight your new Brexit negotiator. Please welcome Lord Buckethead. CHEERING

Speaker 15: That's right. On your knees, please. Theresa May, if you are still Prime Minister by the time that this show airs, I implore you, send the Dark Lords to Brussels. Is it an absurd idea? Yes, but it would not even be close to the stupidest thing that you have ever done.

Speaker 0: -♪

See all LastWeekTonight transcripts on Youtube

Brexit II: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)