- John Oliver, host of Last Week Tonight, discusses octopuses in a video during the show's break.
- He clarifies that the correct plural form is octopuses, not octopi or octopodes.
- John highlights the amazing abilities of octopuses, including their three hearts, blue blood, beaks, and massive brains.
- He showcases their ability to change shape, color, and texture, and their skill in mimicking other animals.
- John expresses his admiration for the Wonderpus photogenicus and their effortless grace.
- He mentions that octopuses are smart and can use tools, and shares a story about an octopus named Charles who outsmarted researchers.
- John emphasizes that octopuses are not malevolent and shares a video of a man allowing an octopus to crawl in and out of his mouth.
- He argues that octopuses deserve more recognition and appreciation.
- John concludes by stating that octopuses are cool and hopes the video helps viewers appreciate them more.

John Oliver explains why octopuses are cool, great, and yes, called “octopuses”. 

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I'm John Oliver, host of Last Week Tonight.

We're on break at the moment, but I still wanted to give you something, because I worry that if people stop paying attention to me, I'll die.

Specifically, I wanted to talk to you about octopuses, not octopi, because that's a Latin plural suffix, and the word octopus is derived from Greek.

The Greek plural would be octopodes, but that's still not technically correct, because words adopted into English take an English plural suffix, which is how we get 2 octopuses.

There, now you know how to end a Tinder date in 10 seconds.

And before we start, I am fully aware that there are plenty of amazing animals in the ocean, which is, as we know, a big, wet trash bin full of God's weirdest typos.

There is the pistol shrimp, a leggy little customer with 1 big claw that it can snap so powerfully that the shockwave stuns its prey.

Then there is the wandering meatloaf, a lumpy mollusk with rock-hard teeth, and not, as the name suggests, the singer of Paradise by the Dashboard Light entering a fugue state.

But I'm not gonna talk about any of those, because I wanna talk about octopuses.

The subject of, among other things, a terrible Beatles song, and this year's Oscar winner, My Octopus Teacher, a documentary about an octopus and nothing else of consequence.

An octopus, by the way, the filmmakers didn't even bother to thank in their acceptance speech, which is not only a dick move, it's also concrete proof that octopuses aren't getting nearly the credit they deserve.

It is genuinely confusing to me that octopuses aren't the most celebrated animals on the Internet, especially when every fact about them is a hit fact.

They have 3 hearts, they have blue blood, they have beaks, They have massive brains that are essentially wrapped around their esophagus.

If an octopus swallows a five-dollar foot long, it gets a concussion.

Also, did you know they could change their shape, color, and texture because they can.

Oh, I'm just kidding, it's a fucking octopus!

Here is an octopus looking like a rock, then changing its mind and looking like another plant.

Some of these stealth bagpipes can go on full-on animorphs.

The mimic octopus makes itself look like a living, moving animal.

So, it pulls all its arms around behind its body and swims along like

a poisonous flatfish called a banded sole.

In other cases, if it's getting attacked, it puts 6 arms down a hole and raises the other 2 arms to look like a poisonous sea snake that has bands along its body.

Norman is not always sure exactly what the mimic is doing.

He observed this mimic scuttling along the sea bottom, looking something like a furry turkey with human legs.

So left to its own devices, the mimic octopus is hanging out on the bottom of the ocean, inventing new pet ideas.

What other animal has camouflage close to that?

Holy shit, it was an octopus the whole time.

But some octopuses don't need to morph into other animals to be impressive.

Some live an effortlessly majestic life, like the Wonderpus photogenicus, seen here absolutely thriving.

No exaggeration, there's an octopus called the Wonderpus photogenicus.

It's hands down the best sequence of words I have ever come across.

There are exactly 2 things that you are legally allowed to call that thing.

Wonderpus photogenicus and queen, both followed immediately by, can I get you anything?

Here is 1 fact about human beings I think about all the time.

None of us are remotely interesting to look at when we're just existing.

The most dynamic looking among us are remotely

interesting to look at when we're just existing.

The most dynamic looking among us put a massive amount of work in just to be borderline presentable.

But for the most part, we all look like nothing.

At our absolute best, we're a bunch of tubes.

I hate looking at humans, they're all bad.

But the wonderpus photogenicus, strutting gracefully through a group of garden eels?

You're thinking, keep talking about octopuses, John.

Because, did I mention octopuses are also smart?

This octopus learned to take 2 coconut halves and turn itself into a rolling tank.

You also get the sense that some octopuses think we are idiots.

Back in the 1950s, researchers tried to train 3 octopuses to pull a lever in exchange for food.

2 of them did so, but 1 of them, named Charles, spent his time in the study destroying the equipment and repeatedly squirting the experimenter with water.

Charles was a very good octopus, and we should be learning about him in school.

We should learn everything about octopuses, because every single fact or video about them is great, even the weird ones.

Take this deeply disturbing video of a man who let a cute, small octopus crawl in and out of his mouth.

And I should warn you, the video you're about to see contains exactly what I just said it does.

-♪ ♪ -♪ -♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ Now, is that pleasant to watch?

In fact, the only way that video could have been improved is if that man died.

I don't have anything against that indisputably stupid man.

I just think that it would be funny if he went swimming, saw an octopus, encouraged the octopus to slide into his dumb mouth, filmed it, and then just died.

I think it would lead to some incredible conversations.

Are you gonna sue the restaurant where it happened?

It's actually more complicated than that.

Based on the information I have so far, I disagree.

He was swimming and opened his mouth and got an octopus to crawl inside, and then he couldn't get the octopus out of his mouth because octopuses are strong, and also, he was using 1 of his hands to film the whole thing.

Okay, then, I thought I had lots of questions, but it's really just 2.

Can I see that footage immediately, and is that hero octopus okay?

Now, thankfully, for our purposes, that guy is fine.

Partly because Octopuses are curious and not remotely malevolent, despite what you might gather from sensationalized news stories like, Geologist Beaten Up by Angriest Octopus on the Beach.

Do you wanna see the footage in question there?

Now, I know that some people could use videos like that as an argument that octopuses are jerks, but honestly, if there are 2 parties on a beach and 1 films the other party without permission, Who's being the real jerk there?

It is the point of view of this show, and YouTube, and HBO, and whatever massive mega company currently owns us, that the guy filming that is the jerk, and since I'm in for a penny, I hope that man's dead too.

Look, there is so much more to know about octopuses.

I didn't even get into the fact that the giant Pacific octopus has as many as 2,240 suction cups that can grip objects and also taste.

Call me when you can taste 2,000 slices of pizza without getting your mouth involved, you fucking idiot!

But look, look, America and to some extent, the world, all I've been trying to say in this piece and in a way my entire life is that octopuses are cool.

Cats have dominated the Internet for far too long, and it is past time that octopuses get their turn.

I'm not gonna bring out a giant octopus mascot, although, fuck, that is a good idea.

Instead, I just hope that this video helped you appreciate octopuses a little more than you did when it started.

We'll be back July 25th, unless I get murdered by an octopus before then, and God, I hope so.


Speaker 0: -♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ Hi there, Internet. I'm John Oliver, host of Last Week Tonight. We're on break at the moment, but I still wanted to give you something, because I worry that if people stop paying attention to me, I'll die. Specifically, I wanted to talk to you about octopuses, not octopi, because that's a Latin plural suffix, and the word octopus is derived from Greek. The Greek plural would be octopodes, but that's still not technically correct, because words adopted into English take an English plural suffix, which is how we get 2 octopuses.

There, now you know how to end a Tinder date in 10 seconds. And before we start, I am fully aware that there are plenty of amazing animals in the ocean, which is, as we know, a big, wet trash bin full of God's weirdest typos. There is the pistol shrimp, a leggy little customer with 1 big claw that it can snap so powerfully that the shockwave stuns its prey. Yeah, it has a gun arm. Then there is the wandering meatloaf, a lumpy mollusk with rock-hard teeth, and not, as the name suggests, the singer of Paradise by the Dashboard Light entering a fugue state.

But I'm not gonna talk about any of those, because I wanna talk about octopuses. The subject of, among other things, a terrible Beatles song, and this year's Oscar winner, My Octopus Teacher, a documentary about an octopus and nothing else of consequence. An octopus, by the way, the filmmakers didn't even bother to thank in their acceptance speech, which is not only a dick move, it's also concrete proof that octopuses aren't getting nearly the credit they deserve. It is genuinely confusing to me that octopuses aren't the most celebrated animals on the Internet, especially when every fact about them is a hit fact. They have 3 hearts, they have blue blood, they have beaks, They have massive brains that are essentially wrapped around their esophagus.

Yeah, that's right. If an octopus swallows a five-dollar foot long, it gets a concussion. Also, did you know they could change their shape, color, and texture because they can. Take this plant here, for instance. Oh, I'm just kidding, it's a fucking octopus!

Here is an octopus looking like a rock, then changing its mind and looking like another plant. Unbelievable! And that's not all. Some of these stealth bagpipes can go on full-on animorphs.

Speaker 1: The mimic octopus makes itself look like a living, moving animal. So, it pulls all its arms around behind its body and swims along like

Speaker 2: a poisonous flatfish called a banded sole. In other cases, if it's getting attacked, it puts 6 arms down a hole and raises the other 2 arms to look like a poisonous sea snake that has bands along its body. Norman is not always sure exactly what the mimic is doing. He observed this mimic scuttling along the sea bottom, looking something like a furry turkey with human legs.

Speaker 0: Yes. So left to its own devices, the mimic octopus is hanging out on the bottom of the ocean, inventing new pet ideas. A furry turkey with human legs? Give it to me! Come on!

What other animal has camouflage close to that? Chameleons? The fuck out of here! I can see it right there. What are you gonna do, chameleon?

Slowly turn a different shade of green? You're garbage! Unless, hold on... Holy shit, it was an octopus the whole time. Clever, beautiful, clever girl.

But some octopuses don't need to morph into other animals to be impressive. Some live an effortlessly majestic life, like the Wonderpus photogenicus, seen here absolutely thriving. No exaggeration, there's an octopus called the Wonderpus photogenicus. It's hands down the best sequence of words I have ever come across. There are exactly 2 things that you are legally allowed to call that thing.

Wonderpus photogenicus and queen, both followed immediately by, can I get you anything? Here is 1 fact about human beings I think about all the time. None of us are remotely interesting to look at when we're just existing.

Speaker 2: The most dynamic looking among us are remotely

Speaker 0: interesting to look at when we're just existing. The most dynamic looking among us put a massive amount of work in just to be borderline presentable. But for the most part, we all look like nothing. Just... Nothing.

At our absolute best, we're a bunch of tubes. Just lazily detailed tubes. I hate looking at humans, they're all bad. But the wonderpus photogenicus, strutting gracefully through a group of garden eels? She's a fucking parade!

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, keep talking about octopuses, John. You're doing great. I am. I will.

Thank you. Because, did I mention octopuses are also smart? This octopus learned to take 2 coconut halves and turn itself into a rolling tank. Tool use, motherfuckers! Tool use!

And they're not just smart. You also get the sense that some octopuses think we are idiots. Back in the 1950s, researchers tried to train 3 octopuses to pull a lever in exchange for food. 2 of them did so, but 1 of them, named Charles, spent his time in the study destroying the equipment and repeatedly squirting the experimenter with water. Charles was a very good octopus, and we should be learning about him in school.

We should learn everything about octopuses, because every single fact or video about them is great, even the weird ones. Take this deeply disturbing video of a man who let a cute, small octopus crawl in and out of his mouth. And I should warn you, the video you're about to see contains exactly what I just said it does. -♪ ♪ -♪ -♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ Now, is that pleasant to watch? No, of course it isn't.

But you know who I'm not mad at there? The octopus. That octopus did nothing wrong. In fact, the only way that video could have been improved is if that man died. That is how I feel.

I don't have anything against that indisputably stupid man. I just think that it would be funny if he went swimming, saw an octopus, encouraged the octopus to slide into his dumb mouth, filmed it, and then just died. Forever. I think it would lead to some incredible conversations. Scuba Trevor's funeral is today.

He choked on an octopus. Oh, my God. Are you gonna sue the restaurant where it happened? It's actually more complicated than that. Based on the information I have so far, I disagree.

Please say more. He was swimming and opened his mouth and got an octopus to crawl inside, and then he couldn't get the octopus out of his mouth because octopuses are strong, and also, he was using 1 of his hands to film the whole thing. Okay, then, I thought I had lots of questions, but it's really just 2. Can I see that footage immediately, and is that hero octopus okay? Now, thankfully, for our purposes, that guy is fine.

Probably. Partly because Octopuses are curious and not remotely malevolent, despite what you might gather from sensationalized news stories like, Geologist Beaten Up by Angriest Octopus on the Beach. Do you wanna see the footage in question there? Of course you do. Here it is.

Oh, golly. Yeah. Golly, indeed. Now, I know that some people could use videos like that as an argument that octopuses are jerks, but honestly, if there are 2 parties on a beach and 1 films the other party without permission, Who's being the real jerk there? It is the point of view of this show, and YouTube, and HBO, and whatever massive mega company currently owns us, that the guy filming that is the jerk, and since I'm in for a penny, I hope that man's dead too.

I do! Look, there is so much more to know about octopuses. I didn't even get into the fact that the giant Pacific octopus has as many as 2,240 suction cups that can grip objects and also taste. You think thumbs are such a big deal? Thumbs?

Call me when you can taste 2,000 slices of pizza without getting your mouth involved, you fucking idiot! But look, look, America and to some extent, the world, all I've been trying to say in this piece and in a way my entire life is that octopuses are cool. Cats have dominated the Internet for far too long, and it is past time that octopuses get their turn. That's it. That's my whole argument here.

Octopuses are great. I don't have some big call to action. I'm not gonna bring out a giant octopus mascot, although, fuck, that is a good idea. I should get on that. Instead, I just hope that this video helped you appreciate octopuses a little more than you did when it started.

Thank you so much for watching. We'll be back July 25th, unless I get murdered by an octopus before then, and God, I hope so. Bye!

Speaker 2: You

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Octopuses: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (Web Exclusive)