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Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: FYC

2 minutes 35 seconds

Speaker 1

00:00:00 - 00:00:17

My new favorite genre of news segment is now footage of what appears to be a large flightless bird being a massive bitch. Which, now that I say it out loud, would be a pretty accurate title for this show. -♪ ♪ -♪ BOOM! Tonight, let's talk about museums. Let's talk about psychedelic therapy.

Speaker 1

00:00:17 - 00:00:31

Let's talk about AI, tech monopolies, inflation, water, solitary confinement, Chuck E. Cheese. ♪ ♪ Just look at this fucking guy. He looks like an eel wearing a shark costume that doesn't quite fit. A sick eel.

Speaker 1

00:00:31 - 00:00:40

Ehh! Look at this mess. He looks like he's going, Ehh! ♪♪ Hey, Nick Offerman here. Hi, I'm Nina Persson.

Speaker 1

00:00:40 - 00:00:51

I'm the lead singer of the Cardigans. Hi. It's me. Gollum. ♪♪ Look at this utter atrocity!

Speaker 1

00:00:51 - 00:01:18

♪♪ I'm calling the Frog Statue Market! I am good at business! I now pronounce you man and cabbage. You may kiss the cabbage. If the next time that you opened a Word doc, Clippy suddenly appeared and said, pretend I'm not even here, and then started furiously masturbating while watching you type, you'd be pretty weirded out if Microsoft couldn't explain why.

Speaker 1

00:01:18 - 00:01:41

Sometimes I just let this horse write our scripts. Luckily, half the time you can't even tell the oats, oats give me oats, yum. Weather! ♪♪ Wave your hands in the air as if our slow passage towards oblivion makes you just not care. Hello there, Mawanda.

Speaker 1

00:01:41 - 00:01:52

Hello there, Bajon. You are truly saving lives, just like doctors, nurses, and firefighters. All those people are scum compared to me. I spit on them! You spit?

Speaker 1

00:01:52 - 00:02:04

I'm here to introduce you to the Payback Museum. The Liberty Bell, an early American example of a fucking bell. So, welcome to the HOA. I think you're gonna like it here. What the fuck?

Speaker 1

00:02:04 - 00:02:11

Yo! Hey, dang, y'all are strong. Look out! I'm about to green things up! Watch me, donkey!

Speaker 1

00:02:11 - 00:02:29

I want you to watch me! Look me in the eyes! With great risk comes great toilet. Fuck off. Goodbye!