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Founder and President of Erickson Coaching International, Marilyn Atkinson, details three tones that life and business coaches can use with clients to facilitate the coaching relationship, and a fourth tone she recommends coaches avoid entirely.

How many, you probably use it with your kids.

You know, when you're in a loving mood, have you used it?

It's love for people taking on the world, going after their goals, going after their dreams.

Now there's another great tonality we use sometimes in coaching.

If people get stuck and they come in, they're in the corner, they're back complaining.

We may not go back into the corner, but we use a tone that you might use with your kid when they've got a skinned knee.

It's like, you and the rest of the world get stuck that way sometimes.

So it's an empathy tone without, what's the word for it, without passing the Kleenex and getting right into their lap.

How many of you understand that tonality?

It's got a little bit of resonance to it.

So how are you going to deal with that 1?

We're giving them a moment to just sort of lick their wounds, feel how it's been, but not sympathizing particularly.

You come home at the end of the day, your partners had 1 of those situations they just need to discuss, and you listen with the tone of the friend.

And by the way, the friend tone assists people to Promise.

When we give real friendship, it allows people to recreate their sense of, I can do it.

1 more, the tone of what we call the wise elder.

This is what we often use at the end of a session.

It's where we, if you can imagine the picture of the wise elder at maybe the Thanksgiving feast, and all the glasses are raised, and the ancient leader stands up and says, let the feast begin.

And there's a quality of, let's be thankful for the harvest has come in, And this has happened, and that's been working.

It's a tone of, hey, you guys, look at how it's been working.

3 days of coaching, and look how far you've gotten.

3 days of coaching, and look how much you've learned.

It's a tone of blessing and re-experiencing the value of what we're doing.

And as you, at the end of a session, just celebrate.

And your tone has that, yes, we're here, really getting all of this good stuff right now, quality.

Now, I recommend that if you haven't used these tones before, you follow Milton's rule.

He said, pretend anything and you can master it.

It's not a bad idea to exaggerate these ones a little bit at the beginning, because you may have stopped yourself from natural enthusiasms when you were younger, and as you use these wonderful tones.


Speaker 0: Thoughts, everybody? Who uses this tone naturally? Many more of you than you think. I've heard you using it outside there. Yeah.

How many, you probably use it with your kids. You know, when you're in a loving mood, have you used it? Yeah. It's a tone of love. It's love for people taking on the world, going after their goals, going after their dreams.

That's the tone of the wizard. Now there's another great tonality we use sometimes in coaching. If people get stuck and they come in, they're in the corner, they're back complaining. We may not go back into the corner, but we use a tone that you might use with your kid when they've got a skinned knee. It's like, you and the rest of the world get stuck that way sometimes.

I got it. So it's an empathy tone without, what's the word for it, without passing the Kleenex and getting right into their lap. We're not believing them. What we are doing is being with them. How many of you understand that tonality?

It's got a little bit of resonance to it. It's like, hey, hey, got it. So that's how it happened. So how are you going to deal with that 1? Notice we've slowed it down.

We're not dragging them into the future. We're giving them a moment to just sort of lick their wounds, feel how it's been, but not sympathizing particularly. Who's good at this? Who uses this with your kids? You don't have to put your hand up.

But who's good at this? Come on. Yeah. Good, good. Where do you use it?

Where do you find it? This is great for partners. You come home at the end of the day, your partners had 1 of those situations they just need to discuss, and you listen with the tone of the friend. And they appreciate it. A lot, actually.

Okay, now 1 more. And by the way, the friend tone assists people to Promise. Promise to try again. Promise to go for it. Promise

Speaker 1: to

Speaker 0: let that 1 go. When we give real friendship, it allows people to recreate their sense of, I can do it. 1 more, the tone of what we call the wise elder. This is what we often use at the end of a session. It's a tone of blessing.

It's where we, if you can imagine the picture of the wise elder at maybe the Thanksgiving feast, and all the glasses are raised, and the ancient leader stands up and says, let the feast begin. And there's a quality of, let's be thankful for the harvest has come in, And this has happened, and that's been working. That's the tone of the wise elder. It's a tone of, hey, you guys, look at how it's been working. 3 days of coaching, and look how far you've gotten.

Speaker 2: Have you noticed? 3 days

Speaker 1: of coaching, and look

Speaker 3: how far you've gotten.

Speaker 0: Have you noticed? 3 days of coaching, and look how much you've learned. Have you noticed? Hey. Now, that's the tone of the wise elder.

It's a tone of blessing and re-experiencing the value of what we're doing. So it's got lots of rounded vowels. It's like poetry. And as you, at the end of a session, just celebrate. And your tone has that, yes, we're here, really getting all of this good stuff right now, quality.

That's the tone of the wise elder. Now, I recommend that if you haven't used these tones before, you follow Milton's rule. Milton had a great rule. He said, pretend anything and you can master it. Pretend anything and you can master it.

It's not a bad idea to exaggerate these ones a little bit at the beginning, because you may have stopped yourself from natural enthusiasms when you were younger, and as you use these wonderful tones. You build them back.

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