- The speaker believes that women cannot "have it all" and that they must make constant decisions between being a wife and mother.
- She shares a personal story about missing class coffees at her daughter's school and feeling guilty about it.
- The speaker believes that the biological clock and career clock conflict with each other, making it difficult to balance having children and building a career.
- She suggests developing coping mechanisms and training people at work and in the family to support and help with parenting responsibilities.
- The speaker emphasizes that being a CEO is like having three full-time jobs, and it is impossible to do justice to all of them.
- The person who suffers the most in this situation is the spouse, as they often come last on the priority list.

2014 Aspen Ideas Festival Afternoon of Conversation with Indra Nooyi and David Bradley

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What's your thought about whether women can have it all?

I thought it was 1 of the most brilliantly written articles.

It was the most unbelievably written article.

Kudos to the chairman of Atlantic who published it.

But I think Anne-Marie is onto something.

You know, my husband and I married for 34 years, and we have 2 daughters.

Every day you have to make a decision on whether you are going to be a wife or a mother.

In fact, many times during the day you have to make those decisions.

And you have to co-opt a lot of people to help you.

We plan our lives meticulously so we can be decent parents.

But if you ask our daughters, I'm not sure they will say that I've been a good mom.

And I try all kinds of coping mechanisms.

I mean, I'll tell you a story that happened when my daughter went to Catholic school, Convent of Sacred Heart, and every Wednesday morning they have class coffee with mothers.

Class coffee with mothers for a working woman, how is it going to work?

How am I going to take off 9 o'clock on Wednesday mornings to go for a class coffee?

My daughter would come home and she'd say, list of all the mothers that were there, and you were not their mom.

I called the school and I said, give me a list of mothers who were not there.

So when she came home, When she came home in the evening, she'd say, you were not there, you were not there.

So-and-so wasn't there, so I'm not the only bad mother.

You know, you have to cope because you die with guilt.

My observation, David, is that the biological clock and the career clock are in total conflict with each other.

When you have to have kids, you have to build your career.

Just as you're rising to middle management, your kids need you because they're teenagers, they need you for the teenagers.

And that's the time your husband becomes a teenager too.

And as you grow even more, your parents need you because they're aging.

I mean, we have no, we have no, we cannot have it all.

Train your family to be your extended family.

You know, when I'm in PepsiCo, I travel a lot.

And when my kids were tiny, especially my second 1, we had strict rules on playing Nintendo.

She didn't care whether I was in China or Japan or India, wherever.

She'd call the office, the receptionist would pick up the phone.

Everybody knows if somebody says, can I speak to mommy, it's my daughter?

So she'd say, yes, Tara, what can I do for you?

And the receptionist has a set of questions.

You see, I say this because that's what it takes.

She goes through the questions and she says, OK, you can play Nintendo half an hour.

This is what the sequence of questions I went through.

But if you don't do that, I'm serious, if you don't develop mechanisms with your secretaries, with the extended office, with everybody around you, it cannot work.

Motherhood, stay-at-home mothering was a full-time job.

Being a CEO of a company is 3 full-time jobs rolled into 1.

The person that hurts the most with this whole thing is your spouse.

You know, Raj always says, you know what, your list is PepsiCo, PepsiCo, PepsiCo, your 2 kids, our 2 kids, your mom, and then the bottom of the list is me.


Speaker 0: What's your thought about whether women can have it all? I read the article. I thought it was 1 of the most brilliantly written articles. I can't hear you. 1 more time.

It was the most unbelievably written article. And you know what? Kudos to the chairman of Atlantic who published it. So David, my... I think that's a wrap.

Thank you so much for having us today. But I think Anne-Marie is onto something. I don't think women can have it all. I just don't think so. We pretend we have it all.

We pretend we can have it all. You know, my husband and I married for 34 years, and we have 2 daughters. Every day you have to make a decision on whether you are going to be a wife or a mother. In fact, many times during the day you have to make those decisions. And you have to co-opt a lot of people to help you.

We co-opted our families to help us. We plan our lives meticulously so we can be decent parents. But if you ask our daughters, I'm not sure they will say that I've been a good mom. I'm not sure. And I try all kinds of coping mechanisms.

I mean, I'll tell you a story that happened when my daughter went to Catholic school, Convent of Sacred Heart, and every Wednesday morning they have class coffee with mothers. Class coffee with mothers for a working woman, how is it going to work? How am I going to take off 9 o'clock on Wednesday mornings to go for a class coffee? So I miss most class coffees. My daughter would come home and she'd say, list of all the mothers that were there, and you were not their mom.

First few times, I would die with guilt. But I developed coping mechanisms. I called the school and I said, give me a list of mothers who were not there. So when she came home, When she came home in the evening, she'd say, you were not there, you were not there. I said, uh-huh, Mrs.

Rag wasn't there, you know, Mrs. So-and-so wasn't there, so I'm not the only bad mother. You know, you have to cope because you die with guilt. You just die with guilt. My observation, David, is that the biological clock and the career clock are in total conflict with each other.

Total, complete conflict. When you have to have kids, you have to build your career. Just as you're rising to middle management, your kids need you because they're teenagers, they need you for the teenagers. And that's the time your husband becomes a teenager too. So he needs you.

Sorry. They need you too. So what do you do? And as you grow even more, your parents need you because they're aging. So we're screwed.

I mean, we have no, we have no, we cannot have it all. But you know what? Coping mechanisms. Train people at work. Train your family to be your extended family.

You know, when I'm in PepsiCo, I travel a lot. And when my kids were tiny, especially my second 1, we had strict rules on playing Nintendo. She'd call the office. She didn't care whether I was in China or Japan or India, wherever. She'd call the office, the receptionist would pick up the phone.

Can I speak to my mommy? Everybody knows if somebody says, can I speak to mommy, it's my daughter? So she'd say, yes, Tara, what can I do for you? I want to play Nintendo. And the receptionist has a set of questions.

Have you finished your homework? You know? You see, I say this because that's what it takes. She goes through the questions and she says, OK, you can play Nintendo half an hour. But she leaves me a message.

Tara called at 5. This is what the sequence of questions I went through. I've given her permission. So it's seamless parenting. But if you don't do that, I'm serious, if you don't develop mechanisms with your secretaries, with the extended office, with everybody around you, it cannot work.

Motherhood, stay-at-home mothering was a full-time job. Being a CEO of a company is 3 full-time jobs rolled into 1. How can you do justice to all? You can't. The person that hurts the most with this whole thing is your spouse.

There's no question about it. You know, Raj always says, you know what, your list is PepsiCo, PepsiCo, PepsiCo, your 2 kids, our 2 kids, your mom, and then the bottom of the list is me. There are 2 ways to look at it. You should be happy you're on the list. LAUGHTER

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Can women have it all?