Tune in to hear our experiences and advice on living on your own. We’re talking about pros and cons of making that big move, it can be nerve wracking but it’s so worth it! Send us a message https://anchor.fm/kay-jen/message

Hey y'all, welcome back to another episode of Unlocking Us.

This week we're going to be talking about pros and cons of living on your own.

Before we get into it, we're going to share a little wins and and L's or lessons of the week.

For me, I finally got to go to brunch with some of my coworkers.

I'm glad that it's Saturday and that I finally have a couple of days off because

I feel like I need to take a PTO day next week.

But yeah, so like I was saying, like, it was just a long work week and all my co-workers, like, we all worked the same shift, but we were never, um, we never had the same schedule sometimes on the weekends.

Like, We went to a brunch spot, you know, and it's a change of scenery.

Like we usually are in Raleigh or Greensboro, so we met up in Fayetteville, and we tried this new brunch spot.

So if you guys are ever in the Fayetteville, North Carolina area, check out the the friends table.

It was so their menu was like so hard to choose from.

I got a waffle platter and it was, I got the fruity pebble waffle.

My big win for the week, a pretty big milestone for me.

it off a whole year early, so it felt really nice to me.

Yeah I know because of like COVID and whatever, I don't even like it I just kind of feel like I want to roll my eyes when I have been they say COVID because I just feel like this is such a topic to even speak about but because of COVID like they stopped on the financial aid payments.

So I doubled up on my payments for my car and I got a little bonus at work and I was like, you know what, I'm going to pay this car off.

And then so I just now have to worry about my student loans.

So yeah, I'm really proud of myself for doing that.

That's definitely big because I just got a new car note.

So any sugar daddies out there want to pay it?

But it's just like, I just paid off 1 car just to get another car note, but that's okay.

Cause I'm working and grinding and once this is paid off like I'm going to be using like you know how people use like 1 car that they have paid off for like leisure and they have a second car but I don't think I'll get another car payment like I don't know I can't do it.

I don't know I want to get another car next year I don't I don't want to speak it into existence that's coming out but I don't know I was thinking considering like you know maybe I can sell mine because right now the demand for cars is like super high because the car industry, like the people, they're really short staffed.

So the demand is like going up for cars, like you can actually like make a profit.

And back then you buy, you purchase a car like brand new and you're already like taking a loss in a sense.

So yeah, it might be something I might, you know, look into doing.

So I just, I've probably been living on my own, like, like officially, no roommate, not in my mom's house for about, it'll be 6 months in April.

Jeez, like that's that shows you like how much time flies.

Like so 6 months is officially been 6 months of me living on my own.

Like it definitely has its ups and you know, some downs.

So we're gonna jump, we're gonna jump right into it.

For a course in college, I had roommates.

And then I had a suite where I shared a space.

And then after college, I actually moved back home with my mom.

Should have been saving up money, but I was just working.

And then spending as I felt like I wanted to.

But now, living on my own, it definitely hits different.

That is definitely 1 of the biggest cons of living on your own.

Like there's no 1 split the bills with anymore unless you're you know living with someone but of course that means you're not living on your own but like now it's just me and Mella my dog.

So he is living here rent free He's my broke best friend.

So that would be definitely a bit kind of like splitting bills that's non existent.

And then like with groceries, everything's on my own.

So yeah, buying little things for the house, little knickknacks or decorating, everything is just on you.

Yeah, a silly 1 that I could speak to because of experience.

I didn't realize like you're by yourself, like nobody's there to help you with anything like a right hand, like if you buy a furniture or whatever, like you better build it on your own or like, at least when I moved to Texas, I was out on my own pretty much.

And like, I, I remember it was like summer super hot and I was coming home from work and there was this like huge wasp, like just huge And I was like, I am very like, I hate to say it, but like, I like 1 of those, like, I'm very like I'll squeak if I see like a spider or like a bee or something.

And I was trying to like kill it with like a broom.

And it was just like the worst, you know?

And it just went a little secondary, like, oh my gosh, I wish I had somebody there.

Like, you don't think about things like that but

yeah there's nobody there like um I also had it's just silly to say but I had another experience like I was um I think I was it was like evening and I had my lights kind of dimmed and I had the fan.

And then I saw a spider like kind of hanging from it.

And I just like, oh, like I didn't know what to do, because if I try to kill it and I miss it's going to start spinning on the freaking fan.

And I like try to I tried to like kill it and it of course I missed and the fan started spinning and then I lost my I couldn't find it and I was like panicking cause it was like kind of right above my bed and I was just so paranoid.

I was like, you know, I wish somebody would have been there to help, but it's like those little things that.

Like, especially when it's over your bed, like I don't do bugs and insects.

Like I love animals, but that bugs and insects are 1 thing that I'm like.

Screech like a middle school girl, like and I I'll hit with my eyes closed and then it's like, like you said, miss.

Then I mean, oh, my gosh, it's just like living on your own.

It's when it comes to that, it's like, no, no, but it's not all bad.

Like I have Mello here, so he keeps me company.

Like I can come home and just lay on my couch.

I don't have to hear anyone like nagging about, oh, can you get the trash or dishes or you know, nothing.

So I would say that that's like a big part of like a big up of living on my own, like just peace and quiet, have my own space.

So I don't have to deal with anybody's attitude.

Like I love my family, but, or even roommates, like just if someone's having an off day, like you come in and they're bringing that energy in the house.

Like even my mom, like I love her, but living at her house, like, OK, what can you get this?

You know, like I want to sit down and do nothing for 10 minutes.

So that definitely is a pro of like, just like I said, having, having your own space, your own pipe, you can move at your own time and not having, um, you know, anybody to really answer to, even though my dog is demanding, like He comes in as soon as I get in and he's barking to go on a walk.

Do you have any pros, like definitely ups about living by yourself?

I would definitely like, And this kind of felt like a very big con because I was always, I mean, my whole life, up until I went to college and even then, like, you know, you're never really on your own.

And then taking such a big step of like moving, you're not moving like out of town, like you're moving out of state.

Like I moved from North Carolina to Texas.

Like, you know, even if I got homesick, you mean you're pretty stuck.

And I didn't have a circle of friends or anything like that when I first started out.

So the learning independence part, like it's a pro, but it definitely felt like a con.

But in the end, I'm really, really grateful for taking that step.

A lot of people can be afraid of being on their own or taking a leap of faith and like moving and making such a big change and not knowing anybody, you know, but I just learned so much from living on my own.

I would recommend anybody that is listening to this, if you're like considering living on your own or moving out from your parents.

Because I feel like like living on your own, only you just learn about yourself, who you are, what you like, what you don't.

Yeah, I really recommend that to anybody.

If you have the means to to if it's in your budget, I would definitely because it is expensive.

When I live by myself, if I wanted to be like braless, you know, titties out and like the kitchen, like I could do it, you know what I mean?

Like oversized t-shirt, like just hanging out without having to worry about like, oh, well, somebody is going to be here at so-and-so or like, oh, my roommate might come in with her boyfriend.

Now you got to like, you know, kind of like.

Privacy, like I could never, I mean, unless like something bad happens, like I love my own space and being able to do as I please.

So definitely recommend that to anybody who's out there that's listening.

And I was gonna say, sorry, what were you gonna say?

I was just gonna say, I didn't even think about that.

Like budgeting for that self-care, like you definitely find out what you like and don't like.

Like I've scheduled like self-care into my routine.

Like when I come in, I do have to do take Mello out, cook dinner or fix dinner, shower, and then I can just.

Say here and relax with my music on, not worrying about, you know, oh, it's too loud, I can burn a candle.

Like, it's just definitely little things that you can do that you can, you know, if you didn't live on your own, you know, you can't just do whatever you want in your space for like self-care.

Like if I want to, you know, run the shower until the water turns cold, like I don't have a roommate that's like, oh, get out of the shower, you know, or, you know, because it messes up the temperature in the other bathroom, too.

I never I didn't realize that until 1 day my sister took a shower and then my water was cold.

But yeah, it definitely you know, like you find out about yourself, you can try different things.

I'm very like spontaneous and adventurous.

So like now that I've been living on my own, I'm like, Oh, what's this new thing on TikTok?

Oh, let me order, you know, take out and just kick out on the couch and watch a movie and you know, I don't have to share the TV with anyone in the living room.

So definitely is a time where you can reflect and self care, you can journal, you just, you have your own space and quietness and it definitely hits different.

Do you have any tips that would, that you would like to share with anybody who is considering or what to like, you know, kind of like put in place before they make that move.

Like for me, I would definitely like they like the budgeting piece of it.

Like a lesson learned for me when I moved to Texas is like I was the rule of thumb is like your rent shouldn't be more a third of your

It shouldn't be more than a third of your monthly income.

So if you make, I don't know, I'm just easy math right now, 2100 a month, you don't want to pay something that's over

And I went I got I was influenced and I ended up getting a more expensive 1 that had a garage and it was gated and it was super safe, super nice.

I mean, I loved it, but it definitely, there were some more affordable ones in the area, and I was paying way more like I was paying like I can't remember, but I mean it was something crazy, and I know that there was a lot more, a lot more like to explore and like cheaper.

And that were also nice that I probably should have done and I would have been better off.

Yeah, I would definitely say the budget and peace.

Like if you have not created a budget and you're just out here, you know, just spending freely you have to rethink that, like when you're living on.

So definitely creating a budget and saving.

And then I guess another tip would be like, with the amenities, just choosing a space that, isn't a safe, nice space, but looking at the pros and cons of the amenities.

Like, do you really need somewhere that has like a 24-hour gym and a pool access or like a pool room or game room?

Like, it's certain things like I don't even use, like I don't use a gym here.

So if I could have found a place that was, you know, less expensive that didn't have a gym, you know, I could have paid that.

But, you know, living in a 1 bedroom, you know, is affordable, but definitely that tip is, you know, the 1 third of your income and then creating a budget.

And I guess another thing would be, I guess a distance like that you travel to work, you know, when you're living on your own, you know, make sure that, you know, you're not driving over, you know, our, you know, find the find this space.

And that's actually why I found the apartment that I'm in now, because it is exactly 30 minutes, and I was driving an hour.

So definitely like when I made that choice to move to Raleigh, I wasn't at my current job.

So I definitely had to make that switch because that hour commute back and forth was not it.

So definitely find a space that's affordable but in a good location.

And then just, yeah, I mean, I think those are the big 2 tips I could give.

I would chime in 1 more time and say like what helped me like being in a whole different state is it definitely got lonely and if you're planning on making I mean I'm not saying if you're gonna move like you have to move out of state but if you like we're considering and you want to like definitely or like, you know, even outside of your town, like find a new circle of friends so that you have somebody to go to lunch with or you have someone to go to the park with or, you know, any anything like you know the social life is just as important.

So, you know, we're social creatures, like that's just our nature.

Like, even if like, you don't think you're a very social person, like being isolated from other humans is very depressing.

So I would definitely recommend like, try to find your circle like at work, or like in a gym, or I don't know that that's where I found my circle of friends in Texas was like, it was a lot of us that moved out of state to work at this 1 place.

And we just had a lot in common and we'd go for drinks after work or we'd go to the park or we'd take the dogs out.

So, you know, I just really enjoyed that aspect to it and it would never have been the same experience without making those circle of friends when I did.

Yeah, and I think definitely finding an area that either you can meet people or you can be social or they just have different little things to do.

Like you don't want to move where there's no 1 and then you're working and just coming home and then you can't meet anyone like you'd never have the opportunity to meet anyone and then you're coming home by yourself and it's like okay now I'm depressed and this sucks and I want to be back home you know but I can't say um sorry Mello's getting rowdy back there because he wants to go on his walk.

My last tip I could give was getting a pet, like whether it's a dog or a puppy.

So before you move on your own and decide to get a puppy, disclaimer, like they're a handful.

So you have to make sure you have the time and the effort to, you know, put down pee pads, clean up, you know, spills and messes from a puppy.

I definitely had to have the patience and I actually got Mellow like 4 years ago but I was living with, you know, my sister.

So she could at least help when I was, you know running in late from work and she could let him out so he didn't mess up his cage.

So I would say make sure you have the time and you're able to handle a pet or maybe get a cat, but I'm allergic to cats, so I'm not going to recommend that.

But I would say get a pet or a companion where it's not as quiet because it definitely, you know, it's definitely nice to come home and, you know, it's quiet and I may be feeling lonely 1 day and Mello greets me at the door and he's wagging his tail and jumping up and down like it's, It's my little best friend.

It's a nice greeting when you live by yourself.

My cat is so unbothered when I come home.

Yeah, but did you have anything, any other last comments to share?

I would just, again, I would just reiterate, like, if you've ever thought about it, but you've been afraid or if you need that extra push, like we're telling you now, like, definitely do it.

It has its cons, but definitely, I think the pros definitely outweigh the cons.

learn so much about yourself and everything that, you know, can go bad is just a lesson learned and it helps you grow as a person.

So I would definitely encourage you, if you're still living at mom's and you can afford it, like just because you can afford, like just because you're comfortable, like get out of your comfort zone and get to know yourself a little bit more.

Yeah, take that step for sure, because you definitely have to, you know, learn what you like and what you don't like, especially if you're going to, you know, eventually date someone and move in with someone.

Like, I would not recommend that if you are not serious and, you know, just live by yourself.

Like, start there and then, you know I'm definitely not rooting for you know shacking up as they would say and you know just letting someone live on your couch or you know play house with no honey's we're not we need a ring and until then live by yourself but um yeah well this was a quick you know just a little quick episode thank you guys for joining Feel free to catch us next week on Mondays and again like and subscribe to our podcast Unlocking Us and until then we will see you guys next time.

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Thinking about living on your own? Yes it’s scary but achievable!