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Hey y'all, welcome back to another episode. You're with Jen and Kay. And we are on episode 5. Episode 5 is going to be on all of our crazy stories or our crazier stories in regards to relationships, whether it's things we've done or that I guess guys have done for us. So we just wanted to elaborate on that and share some of our experiences.

Hopefully it can be something you guys can learn from so that y'all don't have to run into the same issues.

So we're titling it crazy in love or just plain crazy. So we're going to get into it. And we have a few questions. And just like Jen said, like, we're just gonna be piggybacking. Hopefully you guys can find it entertaining or just, you know, just to hear our crazy experiences, or just to learn from what we've gone through.

Judgment and only like being honest about, you know, you only learn from your experiences, whether they're good or bad. So yeah, so Kayla, I guess my first question would be, have you ever done anything, and asked yourself, why did I do that? Like anything for a dude? And you're like, why the heck? But you look back and you're like, why the heck did I do that?

Yeah, so, excuse me, um, I would say like sophomore year in college, definitely I was talking to this 1 guy and we were in actually we were dating so we're just talking but still like in a relationship does not call for crazy you know like just the loser loser wits and lose your common sense So this guy didn't have a car. And that's rule number 1, like now, 6 years later, you know, since being out of college, well, since sophomore year, it's, it'll be 4 years this May, but like years, years and years later, looking back, I'm just like, why did I, first of all, why did I even talk to a guy without a car? And second of all, I let him drive my car. So we had me and Jen volunteer, we were in, you know, your little social clubs, school clubs, volunteering. We were, we were like well-rounded in college.

I felt like we, We got good grades. So again, ladies, like, hello, it's like, I got all this and messing with this bum. Like, I mean, hopefully he's doing well now, but I mean, but then I just didn't have any kind of sense that I did, but I didn't use it. So we were volunteering, we had to go to this volunteer event and not put his business out there but I mean like I said he didn't have a car so me and B and me I'm like oh just take my car um drop us off at our event pick us back up well he was on the little a little bit on the rough side So like I didn't know this guy was gonna pull a grand theft auto, leave with the car, never come back, never see him again. I don't think, you know, I feel like my judgment of character was, you know, a little good where I can at least know down to my heart that he wouldn't do that.

But there was that slight chance that he might would have ran off with the car.

Yeah, because he was gonna like pick us up and he was taking a while or something.

Yeah, and he was like the, what's the word, like the, the grand top person of like, not picking up the phone or like not answering the text and then reply that hours later like, oh, I was something came up or I got into an accident like some BS story he would always say and like definitely not knocking that but that was it was always like a lot like and I can I can tell when people are lying so it's always like some BS excuse like of why he couldn't pick up the phone or some lame excuse of what happened so I would say like being in a relationship like just letting someone like live off of you or like use your car or like you know I don't mind if you're going through like a tough situation we're in a relationship and your car is in the shop and you have to we have to share 1 car for a little bit that's totally fine like I'm not knocking you know helping out my partner but in this case he didn't even have a car so yeah I think he did at least have a license?

But that was like I'm looking back now. Like, why did I even put myself in that situation? And, you know, Jenna's a real 1. Because she was just riding, you know, in the taxi, like, okay, you know, like all innocent. And, you know, so I definitely-

It was a big changer to me, and I always kind of got like, I never really approved of any of the dudes you talked to. Remember that guy that would wear your Uggs?

Oh my gosh. Oh yeah. He, y'all, I, you know, okay. I've been, I've been delivered since then. Like I, I used to talk to some, I used to talk to some crazy guys, like, but you know, you living, learning college, you do some wild things.

I know, like, check out my new, I'm just like, dude, take my shoes off and delete that picture. But, um, yeah, so that's definitely like, a thing I will look back on and ask myself like, why did I do that? Like, what was I thinking? But it's okay. I've talked to very select type of guy now, very, you know, sophisticated and or like a cool guy, but definitely a guy that has like their stuff together, like basics, car, job, can provide, knows what they're looking for, like, Goals for sure.

Those are definitely the, just the basics. So, okay. So have you ever done anything to get an ex back?

An ex? Well, I think my, 1 of my first relationships that I did it 5 years with me, I think has been broken up with me. I was like high school sweetheart.

Okay, so she got my day off.

My first year's relationship was quote unquote serious because we were so immature, but he wasn't okay with me going away to college and I was still trying to make it work my whole freshman year. It made college a little whack for me the first year because I wasn't going out or anything like that. Or if I did, I, I feel paranoid about it. But I remember 1 time he broke up with me and I was in college and I couldn't, I didn't have my car in school because like the first year you're not allowed or something. I can't remember.

So lame.

I know. It's so lame. I know. Weird policy, unless you had like some exception. I forget, but we I wasn't able to get a car at school so it's not like, oh well let me just show up at his house and see him.

From his text messages and I was over there going crazy. My first year in college, when I should have been like epic and just- Cardi-M. Yeah. Or had fun with my friends and do things to distract me. Cause there were definitely things to do.

And I was just so, so wrapped up on him. And I decided to make him a freaking box and it had like a love letter. You sent it to his

house or you did send it? Would you personally like handmade it?

I handmade the box And I wrote a letter and I put like some of his favorite gummies and I put a bunch of random things because you would have to pay for how heavy the envelope was or the box was. At the time I could barely get like $20 every 2 weeks. Like it was that bad. So I had to really count my cents then. And back then, like I was like huge sacrifice, but I made this guy, it took like a day to create the box and like write everything up and then forward it to the school post office because I didn't have nowhere to get to.

But he ended up like unblocking me and like somehow he picked me up I think on a weekend when I was in college instead of me turning up there it was ridiculous but

did he even say thank you for the box?

I don't know.

Did he

get it? I think yeah he got it because that's the reason why he reached back out to me.

Oh yeah,

but I honestly don't remember. I'm kind of like mad that I invested so much time.

Yeah, definitely. Um, yeah, we can do some crazy things or just, you know, like things that we think is love and, you know, just saying crazy. So maybe like for my my simple that was just crazy. Like, and I guess I feel like these like your example. I mean, it's like,

it's not crazy, crazy, But like, a time is a lot back then when you were in college, like, that sounds a little ridiculous, not crazy. So, I mean, I've had-

Were you in love, or like, deeply cared?

I don't know. I think I was because he was like my first love

or whatever.

I think it was pretty, we dated for 5 years and I was trying so hard to make a relationship work. Him being in a different city and me in college, like, with a bunch of temptations going on. Yeah, my number 1 factor is you put me out on the spot and it just kind of like make me see that it's more to it than just going back to my hometown and seeing him.

Yeah, definitely we got options. Um, so anything or any, do you have any stories where, like you were talking to a guy or a guy was like, so not necessarily like, what, something that you did but like has a guy ever that you've been talking to or dealing with, getting to know, whatever, done anything that was like crazy or absurd?

I can think of 1 right off the bat, and I don't know if it's crazy, not trying to be like. What's the word? I'm not trying to be. I don't know. I just personally I don't think I would anymore just because of all the differences but I was talking to this white dude.

It was just before I even went to college. I was probably like 19 and He was like 28 and he was like everybody's like rush at work. And I mean, I would look at him and so when he ended up, you know, approaching me about it and he asked me like, oh, it's on a date and stuff. And like I was getting like some red flags because he wouldn't like randomly mess with me. He wasn't consistent at all.

Yeah, that's definitely number 1.

Yeah, I was like, it almost feels like he was

hiding something.

Yeah, so a random day I was eating at a Mexican restaurant with my sister. I remember really clear and I got this random call, like a 704 number and I answered and it was this female. And she's like, do you know who X person is? And I'm like, yes. And then she's like, well, I just want you to know that he's my husband.

Oh my god.

And we have a whole daughter. And at first, like, I remember being like, I didn't know how to react. Like, honestly, I didn't not like him enough to be a homewrecker, number 1, I mean I didn't even know about it. Yeah. I don't know how to react I was young and dumb, so I just kind of stay quiet to see if she'd answer like keep talking and she's like, I just want you to know that I read y'all's messages and I want you to know that every time he replied to you, he's in the bathroom, like you try to go somewhere away from from me.

And she's like, he has a whole wife and a daughter. We have a house he's established with us. So she was like, don't waste your time. He's like, don't waste your time, but we can give him back. She's like, we can set him up.

We can like meet together. And my

guess is she was on some like cheaters, like you show cheaters, like where they set the guy up and they bring cameras and they bust them.

Oh, I feel like I've seen that guy.

I think

I've seen him jump off.

And it sounds like she's done this before.

Well, yeah. And I was like, honestly, I mean, I'm kind of glad, like I was young, but smart enough to be like, no, like I don't care enough to try to prove this guy wrong. Like, he was pretty irrelevant to me. I was going to college for 4 months from then. So I was like, no.

So I didn't entertain that. But the crazy part is that he knew I knew and he was still like blowing up my phone and he was asking me not to go to college just that I could move in with him

and like him and his wife.

That's because they had like split up and I was like look if they're having problems because of me like it's it's not I felt bad number 1 like there was like a 3 year old in the way and I was like, I didn't know and I didn't feel right and he has he's like almost 30 and I'm barely not even 20 like

no like this would.

Yeah, like, I'm not saying like age difference shouldn't matter but there's definitely like different at 18, 19, you're thinking about maybe school or getting going partying, drinking and stuff. That's where I was at. And he was more like, I'm trying to have a wife, you to cook for me and stuff.

And meanwhile, he already got 1.

He already had 1. So I was like, I'm not I'm not that girl. So I told him, I just blocked him because he was trying to, I remember when I went to school, he was still trying to text me and stuff and I was

like, yeah, block. Yeah, I

blocked him and he knew where school I was at and he was like, oh, I can go see you. I'm at an HBCU.

You won't roll up in here on campus.

You won't roll up in here with your 98 Ford truck. With a camo jacket. Like that's not going to work.

Yeah, so, Yeah, I mean, I definitely have had some like crazy, I guess like experiences or like answers. So that's like now my number 1 question, like, are you single? And then the guy replies like, yes. I'm like, are you single, single, like actually single? Don't have anybody on the side, not in a situation ship.

Are you married? Cause it's crazy. Like now in our generation, you have to ask like when you're dating or like going on a date to get to know someone, you have to ask like, are you married? Cause people will be out here with a whole wife and not wearing their ring. And then just, you know, portray that, you know, that they're single.

So that's like my number 1 question now.

Yeah, I guess. And I honestly like even like if you have a social media stuff, it's so easy to hide your whole life.

Yes.

Like I'm not very public about me and April, but I don't put him on my Instagram like that. So it's easy for a guy to like reach out because it looks like, even if he portrays me being single on Instagram, but yeah, I definitely have to make sure that you know who you're talking to, what you're getting yourself into. I don't think I ever asked, are you married? Like that didn't even-

I know, and it's crazy like that you have to. Because people will, like you said, be, have a whole life, be in a whole relationship. I remember this 1 guy, and this was like a recent story. He was trying to talk to me like he was trying to holler at me while I was walking my dog. I'm going to mind my business.

Tired after work. And he's over here like being weird. And it's like he wasn't even trying to holler. Oh, cute. He was just like he started walking my way.

And I'm like, is he trying to like follow me? Like, is he it was it started getting weird. So like he was following me, but he wouldn't. He never said like, hey, how are you doing? He just was like walking behind me.

So I was, I kept turning around, me being me. And so then he went like, he walked towards like the apartment. So I'm like, okay, he just, maybe he's lost or he's going in the apartment. So finally I was like, me being me, I'm like, hey, you lost? Like, or I was like, are you trying to like, hey, how you doing?

You know, like, what's up? You following me? I didn't say that, but I was just like, hey, how you doing? And so he was like, hey, what's up? He's like, you stay here?

I'm like, yeah. And I didn't tell him my building. I was just like, yeah, I stay, you know, up there. And His, so we were, you know, just talking to him, just like, okay, you stay here, whatever. He's like, yeah, this is my car right here.

So 1 of his red Camaro and his baby mama opens the window from the third floor. I told him, oh, hey, yeah, this is his new baby right here. And that was like, look, I said, I don't want no problems. I say he was over here being weird, trying to holler at me. He was like walking behind me.

I say, you girl says you got it like and she was like, and he got to get kicked out because I guess apparently he was living with her but she was out in the window like holding the newborn baby up to the window. And I'm just like, yeah, and I said, yeah, you have a good 1 I say you need to handle that. Like you need to, you know, worry about your situation right there, but we're trying to holler at me but like that's the point Like guys will try to holler at you and then their girl is right upstairs. And I'm just, I just walked off and I was just like, what is this? What is this day to day coming to?

I know, they just don't care. But disrespect. That's

very disrespectful. Like she was upset, you know what I mean? And to her, but I'm just like I mean, I guess she knows what she's dealing with. But like, I'm just like the audacity.

Have you ever spent like a lot of money on somebody?

The most, okay, so actually the guy that I, with the car guy, he, I bought him like a outfit and but it was like Nike. And yeah,

and we are calling that a lot.

That's a lot.

That is a lot.

And so it was his birthday and I was like you know oh I want to get him something nice. I was like I know he likes Nike so I got him like a jumpsuit. I remember it was like a gray jumpsuit and it was like like a little over $50 and that's to me that's a lot and I don't think I think that's the most I've spent um oh actually I think

that's not that bad

that's not that bad but I think I've spent I've spent like a little over $100. And to me, I gotta like you to spend like over $100, but I really, I really like cared about this person or care about this person. So it was nothing to me. Like I was adding stuff to the cart. And I remember sending it to you, you were like, Oh my gosh, that's so nice.

It's thoughtful. Like, I can send thoughtful gifts like if I really care about you. So to me that it was nothing like I was over here like adding stuff to the cart. But the other guy I want my $50 back. What about you?

You said thoughtful gifts like for Emma's birthday you sent that little book with like cookies and stuff.

I'm glad you

liked it. Yeah, so I have the same situation now. I guess it might not be worth as much now, or like what I spent then is not like as significant as it is now, but I think it was in 2016, I was gonna graduate in 17, but so I was a junior in in college and it was winter break and I went with my ex to his house. I was going to visit him and I wanted to get him something nice for Christmas because he always like out outdid his gifts and I did not have the means at all but I ended up buying a pair of off-white Jordans from the GOAT app and I spent $550. $550.

Oh, yes. Yeah.

And honestly, like, now, like, if I were to give like my current boyfriend that I mean, that's fine. But can you imagine like $550? Yeah, I mean, yes, like, I don't even know if I have like a big deal in I don't think I had a car payment or student payment or anything like that. But I was like, my check every 2 weeks was like $300 tops. So I say, I worked over a month's worth to get him that gift.

And now that I look back, I'm like, why did I do that? Like, even if at the time, like, he was worth it. And, you know, like, I thought the love was like, super strong, like, I should have, something in me should have told myself, like, you don't have to mean for it. Like, you don't have to give this guy 500 over $500 to prove to him that I loved him.

Yeah. And nowadays, like, it is simple, like guys, I'm realizing like guys and men don't like that. They don't require much.

Well,

most of the time, oh, he.

Well he was a little materialistic. He wouldn't wear bling bling stuff but he definitely liked nice expensive stuff on the low. So and It wasn't something I did all the time. So I was just trying to show appreciation. I mean, to him, 550 might not be a lot, but to me, it was everything at the time.

So I remember when he was opening it up, I was just so proud of the moment that I was able to do that. Not because I was so proud to make him happy. Honestly, probably, I don't know if I'd even met him, but I think that's it.

Yeah, the things you do for love.

I know, I can't go against it. I just don't hear shaking my head, because I definitely want those 2 sides.

But I would say, just nowadays, I realize that most men, they just want to be heard and listened to and for you to cook for them. But I mean, that's wifey status. So these guys ain't getting all that from me. Maybe sometimes, sometimes like if I'm, you know, getting to know you if I really care about you and I want to show my appreciation, you know, I might cook you a little, you know,

I don't know. Eggs.

Yeah, you might get the toast on the side. Now that that's a real thing like if I if I made you some shrimp and grits like you you up there on the on my list of um of you know like potential because I don't be like I love to like give like don't get me wrong. But nowadays I have to be more cautious because God updated guys that will just take advantage of it and that will what was I gonna say?

That will just take from you and not you.

Oh yeah, for sure. Yeah, they'll just take, take, take. And there's no reciprocity, which I feel like a relationship should be balanced, but. Okay, so I guess with that being said, what would you advise for like young girls or just dating, like dating now?

Well, I guess it's social media and everything. Like a lot of times you get to you meet someone online before you do in person with COVID and everything that happened like I think that's just a new or like dating apps like just make sure that

face time first

yeah well yeah face time first yeah make sure that they're not texting you in their bathroom or like they're being consistent like you'll catch on really quick like maybe you want to ignore the signs but they're definitely there. If somebody's not consistent texting you or like oh I'm just not a good texter or something like at least so like FaceTime you or like they'll pick up when you call not pick up like 2 hours later like oh my bad I was sleep my bad I didn't have my phone on me you know those times like always those are definitely red flags. And like you said, Kayla earlier, like you don't have to be as blunt, be like, are you seeing this or that, but definitely make sure that who you're gonna like start texting and getting involved with doesn't have a whole life, like a whole like family and you don't know about it. Definitely with

the online dating, FaceTime first because I'm trying to think if I've ever been catfished. I don't think I have, but maybe with height, like the guy looked a lot taller on his pictures or like on video, and then I was, you know, like, way taller but definitely face them first. Um,

And also, I would also say like, if you don't have the means to it he's going to love you regardless if you give him 500 plus dollars you just give him something sentimental that came from your heart.

Some rebox or something. Like go to Ross to get like some nice new balances for 20 bucks. It's the heart that matters. Yeah, I know. That's what I was gonna say.

Um, how can I how you said like the red flags like it only takes 1 1 red flag, like, how many, how many signs do you need if they show you up front, who they are, you know, believe them, because that's not going to change Like a person can camouflage and hide who they are or try to be this person on the first date or second date, and it's not authentic? But then once they show you that on authenticity, I don't know if that's a word. That non-authentic vibe. And right now I know everybody goes off of vibes, but that's that's a real thing. Like I've, you know, like hung out with a guy.

I'm not even say talk to that. Wasn't talking to him like that. He thought because he were with me and, you know, he would text me every now and then. But I hung out with this guy 1 time and the vibe was just off. Like, I don't know what it was, but I went with that gut feeling of that, like he was just, I don't know whether he like really had a girlfriend low key or something.

So I just was like, that's my last time hanging out with him. And I'm a very spontaneous person and active person. So, you know, if you, if our first time meeting up or hanging out, you're over here like, let's just sit here and chill, let's nip with the chill. You know, that's already sign number 1, like that you're just trying to hit or you're trying to, you know, not take it serious.

We're not allowed in public.

Yes. Yeah. So I would just definitely advise, ask those upfront questions. Everybody should have, you know, like their basic questions. Like I try to stay away from a list because you can meet a great guy and they don't check off 1 thing.

And we're, you know, our generation of women are like sticklers for lists. So I wouldn't say, you know, if they don't check 1 thing off the list, you know, double. But I definitely would say have your top, you know, 3 things of non-negotiable. And we talked about that a little bit with the deal breakers to check out our last episode, last few episodes on deal breakers, because we definitely gave some good points there. So, dating is hard out here.

Like, I thought about going on some speed dates, but I'm just like, I don't know. I'd rather, but I definitely Like the dating apps are not for me. I definitely would rather meet someone in person, whether it's at church or, or like, you know, like, I don't know where you meet people in the grocery store. Or Do you have any single words? No, I'm just kidding.

Oh, no, but like that's how my parents met actually, um, was with, you know, like a mutual friend, but that means my parents are older, not necessarily that's, you know, it's just, it's rare that that happens nowadays by meeting through like a friend but it's definitely possible but I would say dating apps are not for me. People can be a little sketch.

Yeah you're like I put a hundred dollars now on the table that you won't find wifey or hubby. I mean, unless somebody can tell me wrong or has had an experience where I have a ring, but like I've never, ever heard of anyone saying, Oh, I met the love of my life. You were dating that. Like, it just feels like Every time I hear someone talking to someone through a dating app, something is just like way off, or it's like super fast. And it's like, oh, it's romantic the first time.

Something happens and they fall off. So I definitely would not. Do you wanna,

I just don't even know. Yeah, I don't know. It can happen, but it's very rare. Like I met someone off of Dated Out, and I mean, you know, they're cool. We're doing our own thing, but it's very rare.

It didn't work out.

No, well, that has happened before where it hasn't worked out. But this this guy is it's going is way. Oh, my God. If I go listen to this, like, oh, you talk about me. Yeah, I'm talking about.

No, he's going to. Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, I'm not going to totally knock it, but it's very rare. It's very rare.

It was Hinge. So the thing like you are going to get on, I can, apps I can advocate for him because they give you like a whole bio and they actually make you answer questions like what's your idea of a typical day or like name 3 things that something something like it's detailed questions to actually kind of get to know a person more. And so, yeah, yeah, like I would not recommend listen Tinder. Yo, Tinder swindler is on Netflix. I couldn't, I couldn't watch it.

I would never like that is not crazy and love that's just plain crazy. Those women that spent over like

$10, 000

on on a guy.

That's not real.

And it was real. They must have no good friends. I wish, like, I ever would I would never but it's so you know kind of lost my marbles you better like smack me virtually Or drop to North Carolina and smack me. Because we don't have money to waste like that. We can be invested in our like side businesses and other like better things like that's a lot of money.

So basically in a nutshell, don't be putting your money out there for no due unless I honestly like I don't even know when it'd be like a good time, maybe when you're at least engaged in something or you're like been dating for a long time.

Yeah, you

might lose all of that money. You might turn around and be like this isn't working out and then you just spent a

thousand dollars. I know. And then you like you feel like there's a loss for sure.

No, that was a lesson. Like nowadays, like I would spoil Angel, like I wouldn't buy him 500 dollars. She's like, we just have different priorities and like, like, I wouldn't buy him $500. I would buy him a plane ticket and we'd go somewhere.

Yeah, that has goals.

Yeah, I mean,

goals. That's like grown people like let's take a trip. Um, yeah,

we just went to Cancun and that's what we did. I booked his flight, he paid for the room, so we just like balance, but make sure that what you're giving you're also getting better, I think.

And that

is 100% and 0, Like, it has to be a balance. Or if your income is higher than his or vice versa, like maybe not 50-50, but it's 2020. It's like all like females can do just as much as men. So we definitely should get as much as men.

Yeah. And you definitely have to cater to your man and treat him like don't don't be out here like, you know, just crazy, you know, in love, we're past that high school like, you know, age where we're just like, you know, like not 1 and all the all the gifts and not give me anything but it definitely has to be a balance.

But

thank you guys for listening. So some of our yes some of our crazy experiences are just, you know, in general when it comes to, you know, being in love or, you know, Just that balance of okay. I'm girl check it cuz that that ain't right But be sure to LIKE and subscribe to our podcast Definitely send me a message so that's a message, but I want to know what app that was. Until next time Bye guys.