- The video is part of the Huberman Lab guest series on science and science-based tools for everyday life.
- The episode focuses on self-care and its relation to mental health.
- Self-care is not just about pampering oneself but also about constructing a life narrative and fostering self-awareness.
- Dr. Paul Conte discusses how to properly process traumatic experiences and overcome barriers to self-care.
- Various practices for self-care are mentioned, including therapy, meditation, and journaling.
- The video recommends listening to the previous episodes in the series for a better understanding of the concepts discussed.
- The video is sponsored by BetterHelp and Waking Up, offering therapy and meditation resources respectively.

- The focus is on self-understanding and self-care for mental health.
- It involves asking good questions about oneself and reflecting on personal experiences.
- Constructing a life narrative can help identify patterns and understand the impact of external events.
- Reflecting on personal history and projecting into the future can foster a sense of agency and gratitude.
- Sharing this practice with a trusted clinician can be beneficial.

- Taking action rather than just thinking can activate different parts of the brain and bring about error correction mechanisms.
- Writing, talking, and formulating words can help uncover the truth and challenge negative thoughts.
- Engaging in different activities can be more productive and improve mood and reduce anxiety.
- Accessing the unconscious mind through communication with oneself or others can be helpful.
- Imparting knowledge can lead to positive changes and understanding.
- Professional help may be necessary for severe issues, but self-inquiry and therapy can be beneficial for personal growth.
- The unconscious mind processes information during periods of rest and can provide insights and revelations.
- Ruminating on problems prevents understanding and hinders progress.
- Self-reflection and therapy can be challenging but lead to renewed insights and resolution of conflicts.

- The process of therapy often involves expressing and discharging emotions, such as sadness, anger, and shame.
- Therapy can help individuals grieve and process unresolved emotions, such as guilt and shame.
- Self-inquiry and therapy can lead to a sense of relief and progress in mental health.
- Self-inquiry is an ongoing process that can enhance self-understanding and well-being.
- It is important to seek professional help if self-inquiry becomes overwhelming or if there are thoughts of self-harm or hopelessness.
- The conflict between self-awareness and salience (focusing on negative thoughts) can be resolved by recognizing the necessity of addressing unresolved issues for personal growth and well-being.

- The conflict between gaining self-awareness and what is most salient to us is important to explore
- If something is strong enough to come to the surface of our consciousness, it is active and should be examined
- The salience of something may not be realized until later, but it is important to explore it
- Self-awareness and addressing personal narratives are important for personal growth
- The structure and function of self are represented by the 10 cupboards of inquiry
- Empowerment and humility are qualities that can be expressed through agency and gratitude
- Agency and gratitude are active processes that bring peace, contentment, and delight
- Our drives are both deterministic and determined, and our choices determine where we fall within the variance
- Taking care of ourselves reinforces the primacy of the generative drive and brings more pleasure

- Physical fitness is important for overall well-being and happiness
- The key to happiness is optimizing and maximizing the generative drive
- Empowerment, humility, agency, and gratitude contribute to happiness
- Health and self-care are important for individual and collective well-being
- Building health within ourselves and around ourselves leads to greater health in society
- Understanding and empathizing with vulnerability leads to positive societal change
- The focus in relationships should be on generative drive, agency, and gratitude rather than superficial qualities
- The unconscious mind is like a biological supercomputer that influences our conscious mind
- Exploring the unconscious mind can be done through reflection or therapy
- The unconscious mind has a significant impact on our well-being
- The unconscious mind can be compared to an abscess that needs to be addressed for true health
- Surgery (metaphorically) helps to address and resolve the issues in the unconscious mind.

- The unconscious mind can be compared to an abscess that causes symptoms and needs to be addressed
- Trauma and negative experiences can create emotional abscesses that affect our lives
- Therapy is a way to explore and heal these abscesses, but curiosity and self-reflection can also help
- By examining memories and behaviors, we can gain insight into our unconscious and make positive changes
- Ignoring the past and focusing only on the present can lead to problems and limitations in our lives.

- The video is part of the Huberman Lab guest series on science and science-based tools for everyday life.
- It focuses on self-care and its relation to mental health.
- Self-care involves constructing a life narrative and fostering self-awareness.
- Dr. Paul Conte discusses processing traumatic experiences and overcoming barriers to self-care.
- Various practices for self-care are mentioned, including therapy, meditation, and journaling.
- The video recommends listening to previous episodes in the series for a better understanding.
- It is sponsored by BetterHelp and Waking Up, offering therapy and meditation resources.
- The focus is on self-understanding and self-care for mental health.
- Constructing a life narrative helps identify patterns and understand the impact of events.
- Reflecting on personal history and projecting into the future fosters agency and gratitude.
- Sharing this practice with a clinician can be beneficial.
- Taking action activates the brain and brings about error correction mechanisms.
- Writing, talking, and formulating words help challenge negative thoughts.
- Engaging in different activities improves mood and reduces anxiety.
- Accessing the unconscious mind through communication with oneself or others is helpful.
- Imparting knowledge leads to positive changes and understanding.
- Professional help may be necessary for severe issues, but self-inquiry and therapy are beneficial for personal growth.
- The unconscious mind processes information during rest and provides insights.
- Ruminating on problems hinders progress.
- Self-reflection and therapy lead to renewed insights and conflict resolution.
- Therapy helps individuals process unresolved emotions.
- Self-inquiry enhances self-understanding and well-being.
- Seek professional help if self-inquiry becomes overwhelming or if there are thoughts of self-harm.
- Resolving the conflict between self-awareness and salience is important for personal growth.
- The structure and function of self are represented by the 10 cupboards of inquiry.
- Empowerment, humility, agency, and gratitude contribute to happiness.
- Health and self-care are important for individual and collective well-being.
- Understanding vulnerability leads to positive societal change.
- Focus on generative drive, agency, and gratitude in relationships.
- The unconscious mind influences our conscious mind and well-being.
- Exploring the unconscious mind can be done through reflection or therapy.
- Trauma and negative experiences create emotional abscesses that affect our lives.
- Ignoring the past can lead to problems and limitations.

- The speaker emphasizes the importance of self-inquiry and exploring the unconscious mind.
- They acknowledge that this exploration may temporarily make us less functional, but it is necessary for personal growth.
- The conscious mind can be explored through curiosity and questioning our automatic behaviors.
- Cognitive behavioral tactics, such as thought redirection, can help guide the conscious mind and improve mental well-being.
- The speaker shares personal experiences of questioning busyness and realizing the value of generative activities.
- They argue that it is more effective to focus on making positive changes in the present rather than trying to predict the future.
- The speaker suggests exploring defense mechanisms and questions the value of being aware of them.

- The speaker has questions about defense mechanisms and their awareness
- Defense mechanisms are unconscious but can be accessed through reflection and inquiry
- Self-reflection can help understand which defense mechanisms are being used
- Changes in behavior may indicate changes in defense mechanisms
- Defense mechanisms can be healthy or unhealthy
- The process of reflection can help change and improve defense mechanisms
- The character structure is the nest that encompasses the unconscious mind, defense mechanisms, and self
- The self grows within the character structure
- Tending to the character structure is important for mental health and self-care
- The concept of self-parenting involves nurturing and tending to the self

- The concept of the "nest" in which the self resides is valuable for mental health and self-care
- The nest is malleable and can be improved through self-reflection and exploration
- Trauma can disrupt the stability of the nest and the entire structure of self
- Tending to the whole structure of self is important for self-care
- Self-awareness is the deepest element of the function of self and can be fostered through various practices
- Exploring narratives about ourselves can also contribute to self-awareness
- Defense mechanisms in action are unconscious processes that can be understood through conscious awareness and exploration

- Understanding self and personal values can guide career choices and decisions
- Altruism can be a defense mechanism and a pattern that leads to fulfilling work
- Rationalization can also be a defense mechanism and a pattern that leads to disappointment
- Identifying defense mechanisms is not always necessary, recognizing patterns can be enough for change
- Acting out is an unconscious defense mechanism that can cause conflict in relationships
- Increasing self-awareness can help control defense mechanisms
- Defense mechanisms can be influenced by past experiences and role models
- Salience, or what we pay attention to internally and externally, can impact our perception of self
- A personal practice of orienting oneself can help buffer reactions to external events.

- The video discusses the concept of salience and how it can be used to change one's perception or focus.
- Grounding oneself in the present moment can help change salience and prevent panic attacks.
- Self-observation and reflection are important for understanding one's thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
- Different strategies work for different people when it comes to self-inquiry and reflection.
- Reflecting on behavior patterns can lead to greater agency and gratitude.
- The unconscious mind is compared to a phantom in the driver's seat, and understanding it is key to taking control.

- The "phantom" represents a problem that is causing various issues and needs to be understood and addressed.
- The pillars of self and the function of self are important in achieving positive control and change.
- Striving and hopefulness are interconnected and important for personal growth.
- Empowerment and humility are states that can be created through self-care and lead to agency and gratitude.
- Agency and gratitude are active verbs that contribute to a healthier and more fulfilling life.
- Life's challenges may require revisiting the pillars and cupboards of self, but this cycle can lead to personal improvement and a better life.

- Importance of self-inquiry and exploring the unconscious mind
- Conscious mind can be explored through curiosity and questioning automatic behaviors
- Cognitive behavioral tactics can improve mental well-being
- Focus on making positive changes in the present rather than predicting the future
- Exploring defense mechanisms and their impact on behavior
- Tending to the character structure and self-parenting for mental health and self-care
- Trauma can disrupt the stability of the self
- Foster self-awareness through various practices and exploring narratives
- Understanding personal values can guide career choices
- Identifying defense mechanisms and patterns for change
- Increasing self-awareness to control defense mechanisms
- Salience and orienting oneself to buffer reactions to external events
- Grounding oneself in the present moment to prevent panic attacks
- Different strategies for self-inquiry and reflection
- Reflecting on behavior patterns for greater agency and gratitude
- Understanding the unconscious mind is key to taking control
- Striving, hopefulness, empowerment, and humility contribute to personal growth
- Agency and gratitude lead to a healthier and more fulfilling life
- Revisiting the pillars and cupboards of self can lead to personal improvement

- The speaker discusses the feeling of being successful in certain areas of life but struggling in others
- They emphasize the importance of narratives and stories we tell ourselves about our abilities and limitations
- The speaker suggests that we often make ourselves special in certain ways that prevent us from achieving success in certain areas
- They argue that self-inquiry and exploration can help us identify these carve-outs and challenge their validity
- The speaker acknowledges that sometimes these carve-outs can lead to internal conflicts and dissatisfaction
- They encourage taking action and seeking support from others in order to overcome these challenges and achieve success in all areas of life

- The speaker discusses the importance of surrounding oneself with good people on a journey
- They emphasize the need to choose people who are diligent, perceptive, and cooperative
- The speaker mentions the benefits of online communities for support and connection
- They highlight the importance of understanding and choice in navigating the online world and life
- The speaker addresses the topic of anger and its impact on self-care and the wellbeing of the world
- They define the terms affect, feeling, and emotion in relation to anger
- Taking better care of oneself can lead to less anger and better management of emotions
- The speaker emphasizes the importance of pro-social behaviors and coping with anger in a healthy way.

- Anger can lead to broad generalizations and division among different groups of people
- Anger can be a distraction and waste valuable time
- Social media and online communities can amplify anger and make it more accessible
- High levels of anger lead to volatility and confusion, while lower levels can be healthy and informative
- The goal is to live in the low to moderate range of anger
- Exploring our inner territory and understanding our drives can lead to clarity and positive states of being
- Curiosity is key in self-improvement and living a better life
- The discussion with Dr. Paul Conte has provided valuable insights and tools for self-care and mental health improvement.

- The fourth episode of the mental health series with Dr. Conte has ended
- Episodes can be accessed on hubermanlab.com
- Thank you for your time and attention
- Support the podcast by subscribing to the YouTube channel and leaving a review on Spotify and Apple
- Check out the sponsors mentioned in the episode
- Leave questions and comments in the YouTube comment section
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- Supplements discussed on previous episodes can be found on livemomentous.com/huberman
- Subscribe to the Neural Network Newsletter on hubermanlab.com for free podcast summaries and toolkits
- Thank you for joining the episode and for your interest in science.

- The speaker discusses the feeling of success in some areas but struggles in others
- Importance of narratives and stories we tell ourselves about our abilities and limitations
- Making ourselves special in certain ways can prevent success in other areas
- Self-inquiry and exploration can help identify and challenge these limitations
- Internal conflicts and dissatisfaction can arise from these carve-outs
- Taking action and seeking support from others can help overcome challenges and achieve success
- Importance of surrounding oneself with good people who are diligent, perceptive, and cooperative
- Benefits of online communities for support and connection
- Understanding and choice are important in navigating the online world and life
- Anger's impact on self-care and the wellbeing of the world
- Taking better care of oneself can lead to less anger and better management of emotions
- Importance of pro-social behaviors and healthy coping with anger
- Social media and online communities can amplify anger
- Living in the low to moderate range of anger is the goal
- Exploring inner territory and understanding drives can lead to clarity and positive states of being
- Curiosity is key in self-improvement and living a better life
- Valuable insights and tools for self-care and mental health improvement from the discussion with Dr. Paul Conte
- Episodes of the mental health series can be accessed on hubermanlab.com
- Ways to support the podcast and engage with the content

This is episode 4 of a 4-part special series on mental health with Stanford and Harvard-trained psychiatrist Dr. Paul Conti, M.D. Dr. Conti explains what true self-care is and how our mental health benefits from specific self-care and introspection practices — much in the same way that our physical health benefits from certain exercise and nutrition habits. He describes how the foundation of mental health is an understanding of one’s own mind and the specific questions to ask in order to explore the conscious and unconscious parts of ourselves. He describes how this process can be done either on our own, through journaling, meditation and structured thought, or in therapy with the help of a licensed professional. He also explains how unprocessed trauma can short-circuit the process and how to prevent that, and the role of friendships and other relational support systems in the journey of self-exploration for mental health. People of all ages and those with and without self-introspection and therapy experience ought to benefit from the information in this episode.
For show notes and additional resources, please visit hubermanlab.com.
Thank you to our sponsors
AG1: https://drinkag1.com/huberman
BetterHelp: https://betterhelp.com/huberman
Waking Up: https://wakingup.com/huberman
Momentous: https://livemomentous.com/huberman
Timestamps
(00:00:00) Self Care
(00:02:37) Sponsors: BetterHelp & Waking Up
(00:05:34) What is Self-Care?, Foundation, Self-Understanding
(00:13:18) Life Narratives
(00:15:24) Journaling, Self-Inquiry & Therapy
(00:24:41) Unconscious Mind, Salience & Journaling; Panic Attacks
(00:28:20) Self-Inquiry; Grief & Death
(00:33:23) Sponsor: AG1
(00:34:39) Self-Harm, Hopelessness & Therapy
(00:37:27) Apprehension of Unconscious Mind Exploration
(00:42:34) Mental Health Map: Cupboards, Agency & Gratitude, Generative Drive
(00:54:18) Structure of Self, Unconscious Mind, Abscess Analogy
(01:01:57) Exploring the Unconscious Mind, Curiosity, “Question the Givens”
(01:10:48) Conscious Mind Exploration; Self Curiosity, Busyness
(01:19:20) Exploring Defense Mechanisms, Character Structure
(01:24:54) Self & Character Structure, “Tending the Garden”
(01:32:45) Function of Self Cupboards
(01:35:50) Self-Awareness Exploration, Mirror Meditation
(01:38:34) Defense Mechanisms in Action & Self-Inquiry, Patterns
(01:47:15) Salience Exploration, Grounding Meditation
(01:52:37) Behavior & Self-Reflection; Phantom Driver Analogy
(02:00:14) Self & Strivings; Empowerment & Humility
(02:09:07) Challenges in Certain Life Domains
(02:17:49) Friendships & Support, Social Media
(02:23:50) Anger & Self-Care
(02:34:18) Self-Care & Challenges
(02:38:43) Zero-Cost Support, YouTube Feedback, Spotify & Apple Reviews, Sponsors, Social Media, Momentous, Neural Network Newsletter
Title Card Photo Credit: Mike Blabac
Disclaimer

Welcome to the Huberman Lab guest series, where I and an expert guest discuss science and science-based tools for everyday life.

I'm Andrew Huberman, and I'm a professor of neurobiology and ophthalmology at Stanford School of Medicine.

Today marks the fourth episode in our 4 episode series with Dr.

Today's episode deals with the topic of self-care.

We hear the phrase self-care a lot nowadays, but rarely if ever is self-care precisely defined.

For instance, is self-care about pampering oneself?

Is self-care about just making sure we get enough sleep and enough exercise and have healthy relationships?

Well, it turns out that yes, indeed, adequate self-care is about all of those things, But true self-care, the topic of today's episode is about far more as it relates to our mental health.

True self-care is also about constructing a life narrative in which we frame our past, our present and future in a way that allows us to see what's gone wrong, what's gone right and the best path to navigate forward.

So in many ways, true self-care is really about fostering a sense of self-awareness and doing so within the context of a framework that is known to work.

Paul Conti shares with us exactly how to do that.

He also touches on some of the things that if not properly understood and processed can inhibit our ability to take excellent care of ourselves, including how to properly process traumatic experiences, something that he is expert in among many other topics as well.

He also touches on some of the things that can potentially serve as barriers to excellent self-care, including traumatic experiences and explains how to frame those traumatic experiences so that we can best move forward.

He also shares with us various practices that include therapy, but also practices that we can carry out on our own, such as specific forms of meditation, journaling and other ways of examining the self and fostering better self-care toward our mental health.

As I mentioned before, this is the fourth episode in our 4 episode series, all about mental health.

I realized that perhaps not everyone has had the opportunity yet to listen to the previous 3 episodes in this series.

If you haven't, it certainly won't prevent you from gleaning important information and protocols from today's episode, but I do encourage you at some point to try and listen to all 4 episodes in this series, because at some level they are interwoven at the level of concepts and of practices.

Paul Conte has generously provided some simple diagrams that can help you navigate today's material and the material in the other episodes.

They are available as 0 cost PDFs by simply going to the show note captions where you can view them or download them.

Before we begin, I'd like to emphasize that this podcast is separate from my teaching and research roles at Stanford.

It is however, part of my desire and effort to bring 0 cost to consumer information about science and science related tools to the general public.

In keeping with that theme, I'd like to thank the sponsors of today's podcast.

BetterHelp offers professional therapy with a licensed therapist carried out all online.

I've been doing therapy for more than 30 years.

While I confess that initially I was forced to do that therapy as a condition for being let back into high school, over time, I learned that therapy is a tremendously valuable practice.

In fact, I consider doing regular weekly therapy as just as important as doing regular physical exercise in order to improve one's health.

The beauty of BetterHelp is that it makes it extremely easy to find a therapist that's excellent for you.

And we can define an excellent therapist as somebody who's going to give you a lot of support, but in an objective way, as well as somebody with whom you can have excellent rapport and that can help you arrive at positively transformative insights that you wouldn't have otherwise had.

And with BetterHelp, they make it convenient so that it's matched to your schedule and the other aspects of your life.

If you'd like to try BetterHelp, go to betterhelp.com slash Huberman to get 10% off your first month.

Again, that's betterhelp, H-E-L-P.com slash Huberman.

Today's episode is also brought to us by Waking Up.

Waking Up is a meditation app that offers dozens of guided meditation sessions, mindfulness trainings, yoga nidra sessions, and more.

By now, there's an abundance of data showing that even short daily meditations can greatly improve our mood, reduce anxiety, improve our ability to focus, and can improve our memory.

And while there are many different forms of meditation, most people find it difficult to find and stick to a meditation practice in a way that is most beneficial for them.

The Waking Up app makes it extremely easy to learn how to meditate and to carry out your daily meditation practice in a way that's going to be most effective and efficient for you.

It includes a variety of different types of meditations of different duration, as well as things like yoga nidra, which placed the brain and body into a sort of pseudo sleep that allows you to emerge feeling incredibly mentally refreshed.

In fact, the science around yoga nidra is really impressive showing that after a yoga nidra session, levels of dopamine in certain areas of the brain are enhanced by up to 60%, which places the brain and body into a state of enhanced readiness for mental work and for physical work.

Another thing I really like about the Waking Up app is that it provides a 30-day introduction course.

So for those of you that have not meditated before or getting back to a meditation practice, that's fantastic.

Or if you're somebody who's already a skilled and regular meditator, Waking Up has more advanced meditations and yoga needer sessions for you as well.

If you'd like to try the Waking Up app, you can go to wakingup.com slash Huberman and access a free 30 day trial.

Again, that's wakingup.com slash Huberman.

And now for my discussion about mental health with Dr.

For this series, we've been focusing on mental health and really defining what mental health is and a roadmap to achieve mental health.

And in episode 1, you laid out for us a map, essentially of the things that any and all of us can look at pretty much at any time with essentially any degree of resources to try and get a better understanding of ourselves and how well or not well we happen to be moving toward or creating true mental health for ourselves.

In addition to that, you spelled out for us what true mental health really is.

And just to recap a little bit of that, it really boils down to these verb states, action states of agency and gratitude.

And then in episode 2, you covered some of the common challenges that you've observed in life and in your clinical practice.

And we address some of the ways that people can overcome those challenges by going to the map, opening the so-called cupboards, as we're referring to them, and asking specific sorts of questions.

And then in episode 3, we talked about how looking at the map and exploring the map in those cupboards in particular can help people in relational aspects of life, romantic relationship, work relationships, family relationships, and the relationship to self.

The foundation of all relationships outside of ourselves.

And I'm so glad that you highlighted the relationship to self because today's episode, we will of course return to the map.

And I should mention that if people have not seen episodes 1, 2, or 3, that's okay.

Today's discussion will be entirely accessible to them, but I do recommend that at some point, they especially listen to episode 1 and hopefully episodes 2 and 3 as well.

But today's discussion is really about the aspects of ourselves that exist in all people And the action steps, the paths of inquiry that are available to all people that can allow anyone and everyone to improve their mental health, to move toward these ideals of agency and gratitude on a regular basis.

And as you've pointed out, it is a process.

It's not that we arrive at agency and gratitude.

And just to reiterate, agency and gratitude are verb states.

Right, they're active processes like life is an active process, right?

There's not an end point we're trying to reach, right?

And in thinking about today's discussion, you know, it occurred to both of us really that today's discussion is really about self-care.

You know, Self-care as a concept, I think for many people, evokes notions of like, okay, you're gonna take a vacation or you're gonna kick your feet up or get a massage, you know, things of that sort.

And certainly it can involve those sorts of things.

But just as if we were having a discussion about physical health and we're going to talk about ways to take care of the physical body to enhance healthspan and lifespan.

Today's discussion is really about how to take care of the internal landscape, the mind.

Which also qualifies very strongly as self-care.

So if you would, could you tell us how you think about self-care?

Regardless of whether or not you have a patient who's dealing with severe mental illness or somebody who's just hitting the same speed bumps of life over and over again, or anything in between, you know, what sorts of self-care practices and mindsets do you suggest people take on for themselves?

And for that matter, how do you think about self-care?

Well, I think we start with factors that are really just baseline factors that have to be in place in order to achieve good things upon them.

So the basics of, we have to be eating well enough to feel okay and hopefully eating really well.

I mean, these are basics, but basics, a lot of people are not attending to similarly.

We have to be in a situation that isn't making fear and misery all the time.

So an example of an abusive relationship, right?

A person has to be tested, navigate out of that before they can really start taking care of themselves in the way that builds goodness, right?

So we look for the basic factors that we need to take care of in order to then look at the factors that become particular to each of us.

And what we're really looking for is self-understanding.

How much can we understand about ourselves, be knowledgeable about what's going on inside of us, why it's going on.

Also and very importantly, being aware that we don't know everything that goes on inside of us and being curious about that and looking at how we're engaging with the world around us.

Because as you were saying, the agency and gratitude are verb states.

Do we feel like life is a sequence of things I have to do?

Or are we doing things we really, really don't want to do?

We start looking at ourselves to assess how we're engaging with ourselves, the people, the world around us in a way that is either generative or not generative.

If we're in that state of agency and gratitude, then we are gonna have periods of time where we feel peaceful, right?

We feel a sense of contentment or we feel delighted.

Sometimes the answer is quite clear like, oh, there's this thing I love and I'm not doing that, right?

And then you revisit, like, is it true that you can't do it?

And if it is true, how does the person come to terms with that, process that, perhaps grieve?

So, say if it's a loss of a person, that can keep people in terrible misery over years and years.

So, there may be things we have to understand, we have to process, so that we can get ourselves to that place of knowing ourselves pretty well and engaging in the world in ways that we have a pretty good understanding of and that are adaptive.

And then we look to say, okay, now how do I make that better?

Because now we're thinking about preventive medicine, right?

We want our bodies to be healthy because of course we want to be healthy today.

But we also don't know what will happen in the future.

I mean eventually, we all have an injury or an illness in some way or another.

So, we're preparing for the predictable challenges that will come our way in the future.

And we're well served by doing this about our mental health too.

There will be challenges that come our way.

There will be losses and stressors and things that make us feel bad or feel scared.

So the healthier we are, the better today is, and the better we set ourselves up to either make tomorrow even better today, or if tomorrow gives me a challenge I don't have today, I can meet that challenge and get back to a better place.

So if I understand correctly, it sounds like 1 of the cornerstones of self-care for sake of mental health involves asking really good questions about oneself.

I don't think I've ever heard it defined that way before.

You know, it's in such stark contrast to the other forms of self-care, which I certainly subscribe to as well, like making sure 1 gets enough rest and, you know, avoids toxic people to the extent 1 can, et cetera, or toxic environments and

Right, you mentioned ask questions of the self, but the logical next question to that is, well, what questions do I ask myself?

Sometimes we know, we have an idea, right?

Sometimes we don't, and this is where the construction of a life narrative, like let me think about my life.

Let me potentially talk about my life with a trusted other person.

Let me potentially write down a narrative about my life and we can learn so much from doing that.

So the person who thinks back and starts to tell a story of themselves, and let's say just as an example, that story is going pretty well and the person is feeling pretty good about themselves and then say something happens and it starts to change, or then this thing happened and then I started kind of spending time with different people or I started dating different people or I took a different kind of job.

And it can engender the reflection of like, oh, like things really kind of changed then.

Because the emotion systems within us don't care about the clock or the calendar, the emotions often of negative experiences can back map into our lives.

And someone who can tell you, I was miserable ever since I was a child, can then write out a life narrative that describes a very happy childhood until something happened or something changed at a certain point, which could be something dramatic, or it might be increasing pressures of school or increasing social pressures or how things changed at puberty.

And if we have an understanding of that, we may know the right questions.

For example, let's say afterwards the person finds that they're drinking more.

An example would come, an example, Instead of taking that for granted, oh, that's what I do, or yeah, I can't cope any better, the negative things people will say to themselves, the narrative can often point out, I can cope better, I did cope better, I did feel differently about myself.

So the life narrative can really help us establish the roadmap, right?

And part of what the life narrative does is it guides us to the places to ask the questions.

If you would be so kind as to tell us a little bit more about how 1 would do this on their own.

So Does this involve journaling things out?

I confess I have a file on my computer that has a bunch of other files that starts with age 0 to 5.

It's just highlights of events that I remember, you know, 6 to 10 and so on and places I lived.

And I use it just to kind of orient myself in time.

I actually don't know what the purpose and utility of it is or why I initially started doing this, but it's an important file to me.

And when I returned to it, I often remember additional key events.

I mean, these files are getting quite large.

Again, with no specific purpose of writing this out at any point, but just to orient.

You can't not learn about yourself from doing that.

It draws your attention to ways in which you've changed, whether you think those ways are good or bad, it draws your attention to change, it draws your attention to the impact of external events.

And as you said, it grounds you, it provides a way of localizing oneself in time.

Like I am here now, wait, how did I get here?

Right, and the thoughts and ideas of how we got here very much help us because often we don't do that.

You know, we're sort of rushing headlong forward because in many ways our society is prompting us.

We live in a very fast moving society and we want information and gratification And often we don't even want it very fast, but it's coming at us very fast anyway.

And to stop and reflect makes a very, very big difference.

Even to think at times beyond our generations, right?

And to the best of my knowledge, the vast majority of people on 1 side of my family, everyone was a shepherd for like every generation until like 2 ago.

And thinking about that, I'm like, huh, that's interesting.

It makes me in many ways grateful, so grateful for the opportunity I've had.

But I also think like, well, they lived in close-knit communities then, and what was that like?

We begin to see ourselves in a broader way, both in our own history and then projecting forward, which sometimes is about children and nurturing children, but it can certainly be about other things.

So we start to see ourselves in ways that are interesting, that are through the lens of truth and that speak to our place in the world around us.

And I think this engenders both agency and gratitude.

And a sense of gratitude for being here and having opportunity and even be able to think about this.

You know, my guess is when you read through those files, that at some points you have a sense of marvel, like, whoa, that's me, right?

Whether it's a good memory or it's a difficult memory, no, it's all part of you that leads you through to today and you do have a better sense of self through that.

1 of the feelings I most often come away from those excursions into those files with is 1 of gratitude.

Because so much of what's in those files are recollections of others that I really appreciate.

Some are still alive, some aren't, and what that's meant to me and how that carries me forward.

I'm sure there are a near infinite number of ways that people could do this, but what are a few that you've seen work really well that people can do on their own or perhaps with a clinician as well?

In fact, that raises the question, should people share this sort of practice and the contents of that practice with a trusted clinician.

Yeah, I think sharing with another person always should be a trusted other, right?

And we can kind of take stock of that, you know, of people have an idea of who may be safe, right?

Often people say, oh, there's no 1 I could share something with.

But really, that often comes through a lens of fear, of exposure of self, of rejection, of vulnerability, which often is warranted, but sometimes it's not.

So the act of doing something other than just thinking about something brings, as you all know, it brings parts of our brain online that then are thinking in a different way.

So for example, they may bring error correction mechanisms online.

So if I'm thinking over and over again that I've never been good enough to do anything, you know, that can be just automatic inside of me.

But if I start to write or to talk or even to formulate words, to talk to myself or to put words in my mind as if I were talking, now we come at it in a different way.

And we can sort of ferret out the truth within us, which might be, you know, it's not true that I've never been able to do things or achieve things.

And people often bring that online by doing something other than the same thought process.

That's gone often over and over and it's non-productive and it brings down mood and it raises anxiety.

I mean, I cannot tell you how often I've heard a person say, like, no good will come of this, or like, okay, try, we'll try, but I know I can't be helped.

I've been thinking about this for 10 years or 20 years, but what they've been doing is the same thing.

They've been ruminating on it for 10 years.

They start talking about it and people will say, oh my goodness, I've achieved more in 2 hours than I did in years.

But that's because you're doing something different in the 2 hours.

So I think that's very important, especially because we can't say, okay, go look in your unconscious mind and see what you find there.

So then we need ways of accessing the unconscious mind and the communication either with self in writing with others can be very, very helpful in doing that.

I also, I am a firm believer that knowledge is power.

Many times I will feel like I have a sense of really having helped someone, and the other person may have that sense, and we can see the change.

And all that I've done is impart knowledge.

So often it's the case that, hey, I happen to have learned things that are different from what that other person learns.

And then I'm communicating to them things that I have learned so they know them too.

Right, Because if we put inside of ourselves the tools of understanding, our unconscious minds and sometimes our conscious minds too will work on them, will make use of them.

So if you talk to a person, for example, about how trauma can impact us and how we can shove it underneath the surface and how it can spin off shame, then that person may take that knowledge away and come back with real understanding.

And the fact that we can do this on our own, right, we can do this through good resources, we can do this by taking information into ourselves, that can be very, very helpful.

And it doesn't require, because the first place to start are with things we can do that don't require professional help, right?

And sometimes we may come at problems that do tell us that we should get professional help.

So if we're having thoughts of self-harm, thoughts of not wanting to be alive, thoughts of real despair, thoughts of real hopelessness, that's telling us, okay, let's get some help.

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Guest Series | Dr. Paul Conti: Tools and Protocols for Mental Health