A 5-minute excerpt from the video component of Making Sense of Anxiety, a Neufeld Institute online course. Anxiety in children is reaching epidemic proportions, as one of the most common diagnoses in children. Anxiety takes many forms, including obsessions, compulsions, phobias, and panic. Various hand-me-down strategies attempt to address this age-old problem. But anxiety begs for an explanation in order to arrive at a solution that addresses the roots, not just manages the symptoms.

For more information about this course, and to enroll, visit http://neufeldinstitute.org/course/making-sense-of-anxiety/

It is a good thing that we're alarmed when we should be.

There is something wrong with individuals who are not alarmed.

This is the primary purpose of an alarm to get us out of harm's way.

Now there's many things that we cannot avoid and so a futility is where we cannot change something.

A child's life is full of alarming futilities.

Grandma's dying, mom and dad are separating, we're moving And when we hit that wall of futility, what it's meant to do is when the futility sinks in, it begins a transformation process in us.

When we're facing things that alarm us and we can't change them they fundamentally change us and if they're going to change us for the better They change us through the process of deep adaptation or transformation.

When the futility sinks in, the amygdala, that same command center for the alarm system, sends signals to the lacrimal glands and the eyes water.

And so we've always associated tears with human transformation when a child finds his tears.

There's momentary respite When a child is even very anxious in the wake of tears to something he cannot change Often there's 2 hours of complete freedom from symptoms, even obsessive compulsive symptoms and so on.

You see the way the brain is meant to work is we're meant to come to terms with those things we cannot change and so that the sadness and disappointment is actually an end point to alarm.

It also builds resilience and the brain says, oh this wasn't so big a deal, we survived this, and a child begins to be more resourceful, that is, he's moved to find other ways of dealing with the situation.

But what if we don't, what if the tears, what if we don't get to the tears?

What if a child doesn't get to the tears?

What if a child has been desensitized and has lost his tears?

There is yet another possibility and that possibility I have labeled here courage.

In courage we take up a relationship with alarm.

Now this is very different than adaptation.

But when you take up a relationship with alarm, it doesn't end.

You still feel alarmed, but 1 example of a Relationship would be is that you declare it false.

This doesn't stop the nerves from jangling What it stops is is being ordered about by the alarm Courage is not letting alarm get in your way this requires Mixed feelings You can't take up a relationship with alarm unless you can feel 2 things at once.

So this means that the child has to be able to say, well part of me is really excited about the school play but part of me is scared as well.

Now in this case the attributes that go along with this is brave but not foolish.

It's foolish when you don't feel alarmed.

This is the way the alarm system should work.

Now the whole purpose of talking about the way the alarm system should work is that we're going to compare that alarm system with what happens when we're anxious.

But if everything was as it should, we would experience 1 of these 3 outcomes.

And so with an alarmed child if everything was going as it should, our basic stance would be to be a traffic director.

Is this something that is unavoidable, so should I help move him to his tears?

Or is this really an issue of courage because he is capable of seeing both the dragon and treasure simultaneously?


Speaker 0: It is a good thing that we're alarmed when we should be. There is something wrong with individuals who are not alarmed. There are 3 different outcomes to alarm. The first 1 is we're moved to caution. This is the primary purpose of an alarm to get us out of harm's way.

Now there's many things that we cannot avoid and so a futility is where we cannot change something. A child's life is full of alarming futilities. Grandma's dying, mom and dad are separating, we're moving And when we hit that wall of futility, what it's meant to do is when the futility sinks in, it begins a transformation process in us. It changes us. And that is the key to human adaptation.

When we're facing things that alarm us and we can't change them they fundamentally change us and if they're going to change us for the better They change us through the process of deep adaptation or transformation. When the futility sinks in, the amygdala, that same command center for the alarm system, sends signals to the lacrimal glands and the eyes water. And so we've always associated tears with human transformation when a child finds his tears. It's amazing You get rest and relief. There's momentary respite When a child is even very anxious in the wake of tears to something he cannot change Often there's 2 hours of complete freedom from symptoms, even obsessive compulsive symptoms and so on.

You see the way the brain is meant to work is we're meant to come to terms with those things we cannot change and so that the sadness and disappointment is actually an end point to alarm. It also builds resilience and the brain says, oh this wasn't so big a deal, we survived this, and a child begins to be more resourceful, that is, he's moved to find other ways of dealing with the situation. But what if we don't, what if the tears, what if we don't get to the tears? What if a child doesn't get to the tears? What if there is no safe place to cry?

What if a child has been desensitized and has lost his tears? There is yet another possibility and that possibility I have labeled here courage. Courage. Now courage is very interesting. In courage we take up a relationship with alarm.

Now this is very different than adaptation. In adaptation, alarm ends. But when you take up a relationship with alarm, it doesn't end. Alarm is still there. You still feel alarmed, but 1 example of a Relationship would be is that you declare it false.

This doesn't stop the nerves from jangling What it stops is is being ordered about by the alarm Courage is not letting alarm get in your way this requires Mixed feelings You can't take up a relationship with alarm unless you can feel 2 things at once. So this means that the child has to be able to say, well part of me is really excited about the school play but part of me is scared as well. Now in this case the attributes that go along with this is brave but not foolish. Brave but not foolish. It's foolish when you don't feel alarmed.

This is the way the alarm system should work. Now the whole purpose of talking about the way the alarm system should work is that we're going to compare that alarm system with what happens when we're anxious. But if everything was as it should, we would experience 1 of these 3 outcomes. And so with an alarmed child if everything was going as it should, our basic stance would be to be a traffic director. Okay, should I help move him to caution?

Is this something that is unavoidable, so should I help move him to his tears? Or is this really an issue of courage because he is capable of seeing both the dragon and treasure simultaneously? Now we have our marching orders. You

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