The Supreme Court is set to deliver a decision on the Hobby Lobby case, which challenges the administration's contraception mandate. The case raises the question of whether for-profit corporations can claim freedom of religion. The owners of Hobby Lobby, a Christian company, argue that the mandate conflicts with their faith. The decision could grant corporations religious rights, similar to the free speech rights they were granted in the Citizens United ruling. The sincerity of the company's beliefs is not the main issue, as another company, Conestoga Wood, owned by Mennonites, is also part of the case. These companies argue that their beliefs should allow them to veto federal law, but taxation is not an a la carte system. Everyone has their own version of objections to how their tax dollars are spent. If corporations want to be treated like people, they should also face the same inconveniences and limitations.

With the Supreme Court ruling hinging on the religious rights of Hobby Lobby, John Oliver takes a look at other ways corporations can be more like people. 
 
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Tomorrow is scheduled to be the last day of the Supreme Court's current term.

After that, the only 2 cases they'll be considering are pool noodle versus pool noodle and mouth versus margarita.

But before they go, they've got 2 decisions left to deliver, including this 1.

The biggest 1 we're waiting on at this point is Hobby Lobby.

This is the challenge to the administration's HHS contraception mandate.

Hobby Lobby, America's one-stop source for glitter and googly eyes, could soon also be America's leading source of landmark binding legal precedents.

Hobby Lobby's owners say that Obamacare's contraception mandate conflicts with their Christian faith, which means the whole case boils down to 1 fundamental question.

Can a business, a for-profit corporation, claim it has freedom of religion?

Do for-profit corporations have religious rights?

Do corporations have religious liberties or do just individuals?

Are corporations a person able to exercise religious rights?

Because thanks to the Citizens United ruling, in which corporations were deemed to have the same free speech rights as people.

And if they do, it's gonna be pretty easy to guess which religions they'll choose.

Although, they do sell bacon and are open on Saturdays.

So let's say, more culturally Jewish than observant.

Meanwhile, Ben and Jerry's clearly Buddhist.

Although not too Buddhist, or they'd be selling you pints of cookies and nothingness.

And Taco Bell, I'm presuming is Hindu, because you know there's no fucking beef in those things.

So, but in the case, in the case of Hobby Lobby, the company's founders are the devoutly Christian Green family, and to be fair, their faith has led them to do some genuinely admirable things.

We believe that the principles that are taught scripturally are what we should operate our lives by, and so it naturally flows over into the business.

The company pays full-time entry-level employees 90% above minimum wage, and devotes a very large portion of its profits to a broad array of charities.

Although I wouldn't get on too high a horse about the moral high ground of your company, given that a solid chunk of your customer base are Etsy sellers buying yarn to make handmade cock and ball cozies, and teenagers purchasing top quality glue for huffing.

While Hobby Lobby's owners are seemingly sincere in their beliefs, their sincerity isn't really the point.

Just as it isn't the point with the other company, which is also part of this decision.

Conestoga Wood, a company that makes parts for kitchen cabinets, is owned by a Pennsylvania-based Hahn family.

In addition to Hobby Lobby, the government is also being sued by Mennonites, or as I believe they're called, the Diet Amish.

Are cabinet-making pacifists who argue that they don't want to pay for something that could take a human life.

But under that logic, that is why I personally refuse to pay for Mennonite cabinets, because Jason Bourne could conceivably beat someone to death with 1 of those things.

What these companies are arguing is that the sincerity of their beliefs should allow them a line item veto over federal law.

But government is not an a la carte system where you can pick and choose based on your beliefs.

Taxation is more of an all-you-can-eat salad bar.

You don't get to show up and go, look, I know it costs 10.99, but I'm only paying 7.50 because I have a moral objection to beets.

Because, of course you do, they're an abomination of a root vegetable.

They're bland flavor, and slimy texture is an affront unto the Lord.

And if you can persuade enough people of that, then you can have a referendum to remove beets from the salad bar in the future.

But until such time, you're paying for those fucking beets.

Because everyone has their own version of beets.

I don't want my tax dollars paying for abortions.

I don't want my tax dollars going in support of this Israeli policy.

I don't want my tax dollars spent to support this mosque.

I don't want my tax money being used to buy illegal drugs.

Not sure it's the best use of my tax dollars right now.

I'm sure Pam in Kansas doesn't want her tax dollar spent on some of the things that they're spending, especially Mexican prostitutes.

I can see your point on the prostitution, but those fat shrimp need help.

If you really want to be treated like a person, corporations, then guess what?

Paying for things you don't like is what it feels like to be 1.

In fact, if corporations want to be people, they should have to take the rough with the smooth.

For a start, companies should only get to have the average lifespan of a person.

Oh, 0, and female companies, you only get to make 83 cents on the dollar.

Sorry, Wendy, I guess it's just that Burger King must have worked harder.

-♪ Oh, yeah ♪ -♪ Oh, yeah, yeah ♪ And that's just the big stuff.

There's also the little annoyances of being human.

Peanut, I hope you enjoy attending your friend's shitty improv shows.

And Starbucks, get ready to have your name spelled Starburst on your coffee cup.

And for GM, who've admitted some responsibility for the deaths of a minimum of 13 people, I've got some bad news for you.

People who do that generally don't get off with a fucking fine.-


Speaker 0: Tomorrow is scheduled to be the last day of the Supreme Court's current term. After that, the only 2 cases they'll be considering are pool noodle versus pool noodle and mouth versus margarita. But before they go, they've got 2 decisions left to deliver, including this 1.

Speaker 1: The biggest 1 we're waiting on at this point is Hobby Lobby. This is the challenge to the administration's HHS contraception mandate.

Speaker 0: That's right. Hobby Lobby, America's one-stop source for glitter and googly eyes, could soon also be America's leading source of landmark binding legal precedents. Hobby Lobby's owners say that Obamacare's contraception mandate conflicts with their Christian faith, which means the whole case boils down to 1 fundamental question.

Speaker 1: Can a business, a for-profit corporation, claim it has freedom of religion? Do for-profit corporations have religious rights?

Speaker 0: Do corporations have religious liberties or do just individuals?

Speaker 1: Are corporations a person able to exercise religious rights?

Speaker 0: No. No, they're not. Okay, are we done? Are we done here? Are we done?

I feel like we're done. Apparently, we're not done. Because thanks to the Citizens United ruling, in which corporations were deemed to have the same free speech rights as people. It is now a possibility. They may get religious rights as well.

And if they do, it's gonna be pretty easy to guess which religions they'll choose. Einstein Brothers, obviously Jewish. Although, they do sell bacon and are open on Saturdays. So let's say, more culturally Jewish than observant. Meanwhile, Ben and Jerry's clearly Buddhist.

Although not too Buddhist, or they'd be selling you pints of cookies and nothingness. And Taco Bell, I'm presuming is Hindu, because you know there's no fucking beef in those things. So, but in the case, in the case of Hobby Lobby, the company's founders are the devoutly Christian Green family, and to be fair, their faith has led them to do some genuinely admirable things.

Speaker 2: We believe that the principles that are taught scripturally are what we should operate our lives by, and so it naturally flows over into the business.

Speaker 3: The company pays full-time entry-level employees 90% above minimum wage, and devotes a very large portion of its profits to a broad array of charities.

Speaker 0: Well, that's fantastic. Although I wouldn't get on too high a horse about the moral high ground of your company, given that a solid chunk of your customer base are Etsy sellers buying yarn to make handmade cock and ball cozies, and teenagers purchasing top quality glue for huffing. Oh, 0, really, Bobby? You're into model airplanes, are you? Build 1 for me right now!

You can't, can you, boy? You're killing your mother! You're killing her, Bobby! -$5,000. But here's the thing.

While Hobby Lobby's owners are seemingly sincere in their beliefs, their sincerity isn't really the point. Just as it isn't the point with the other company, which is also part of this decision.

Speaker 1: Conestoga Wood, a company that makes parts for kitchen cabinets, is owned by a Pennsylvania-based Hahn family. They are Mennonites.

Speaker 0: That's right. In addition to Hobby Lobby, the government is also being sued by Mennonites, or as I believe they're called, the Diet Amish. The Mennonites... Are cabinet-making pacifists who argue that they don't want to pay for something that could take a human life. But under that logic, that is why I personally refuse to pay for Mennonite cabinets, because Jason Bourne could conceivably beat someone to death with 1 of those things.

-... What these companies are arguing is that the sincerity of their beliefs should allow them a line item veto over federal law. But government is not an a la carte system where you can pick and choose based on your beliefs. Taxation is more of an all-you-can-eat salad bar. You don't get to show up and go, look, I know it costs 10.99, but I'm only paying 7.50 because I have a moral objection to beets.

Because, of course you do, they're an abomination of a root vegetable. They're bland flavor, and slimy texture is an affront unto the Lord. And if you can persuade enough people of that, then you can have a referendum to remove beets from the salad bar in the future. But until such time, you're paying for those fucking beets. Because everyone has their own version of beets.

Speaker 1: I don't want my tax dollars paying for abortions.

Speaker 0: I don't want my tax dollars going in support of this Israeli policy.

Speaker 1: I don't want my tax dollars spent to support this mosque.

Speaker 0: I don't want my tax money being used to buy illegal drugs.

Speaker 1: A shrimp running on a treadmill. Not sure it's the best use of my tax dollars right now. I'm sure Pam in Kansas doesn't want her tax dollar spent on some of the things that they're spending, especially Mexican prostitutes.

Speaker 0: Whoa, whoa! Whoa! Oh! Look, okay. Look.

I can see your point on the prostitution, but those fat shrimp need help. You think they like being called jumbo? They're crying inside. If you really want to be treated like a person, corporations, then guess what? Paying for things you don't like is what it feels like to be 1.

In fact, if corporations want to be people, they should have to take the rough with the smooth. For a start, companies should only get to have the average lifespan of a person. 79 years. 75 if they're based in Mississippi. Oh, 0, and female companies, you only get to make 83 cents on the dollar.

Sorry, Wendy, I guess it's just that Burger King must have worked harder. -♪ Oh, yeah ♪ -♪ Oh, yeah, yeah ♪ And that's just the big stuff. There's also the little annoyances of being human. So, Mr. Peanut, I hope you enjoy attending your friend's shitty improv shows.

And Starbucks, get ready to have your name spelled Starburst on your coffee cup. And for GM, who've admitted some responsibility for the deaths of a minimum of 13 people, I've got some bad news for you. People who do that generally don't get off with a fucking fine.-

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Hobby Lobby: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)