- John Oliver discusses the prevalence of pumpkin spice foods and drinks in the fall
- He points out that pumpkin spice foods do not actually contain pumpkin
- Americans consume more than 5 pounds of pumpkin per year, which is more than the amount in 5 pumpkin pies
- John Oliver humorously compares this to the myth of swallowing spiders in one's sleep
- He mentions that pumpkin spice is only popular during the fall and is not desired during the rest of the year
- John Oliver suggests that there are better flavors associated with autumn than pumpkin spice
- He humorously suggests alternative flavors like cable-knit sweater spice latte or major league baseball spice latte
- John Oliver declares that he will no longer tolerate pumpkin spice and encourages viewers to drink regular coffee instead.

Pumpkin spice. Why?
John Oliver investigates. Well, he doesn't really investigate. He says things about it, though!

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Look, it's the middle of October, which, across the nation, means that we are all looking at this and thinking, I don't know why, but I simply have to drink that.

Yes, it's that special time of year where we voluntarily imbibe pumpkin spice lattes, the coffee that tastes like a candle.

And I don't mean it tastes like a candle smells.

Pumpkin spice lattes taste like a candle tastes.

But what is strange is that pumpkin spice foods inexplicably seem to grow more omnipresent every year, even though there's no actual pumpkin in the drinks.

Kind of like how everyone you meet calls himself a DJ all of a sudden, when what they really mean is that they own an iPad and have been to a party.

-...but apparently, each American eats more than 5 pounds of pumpkin per year.

Which is more than the amount of pumpkin in 5 pumpkin pies.

And pumpkin pie is the most seasonal food there is.

It is only good from the moment Thanksgiving dinner ends, until just after you have taken your first bite of it.

-♪♪♪♪ 5 pounds of pumpkin a year is even crazier than the fact that we allegedly swallow 8 spiders in a lifetime.

Because there is no way a pumpkin has ever crawled into my mouth while I was sleeping.

-♪ ♪ -() And the worst part is, nobody wants anything pumpkin flavored from December through August.

That bottle of pumpkin flavored science goo sits behind the counter of Starbucks all year round.

Except for the sexism and homophobia, which is most of it, but that's not the point.

The point is, We tolerate pumpkin spice because we like the fall.

It's the best season because you get to stop thinking about how weird your legs look in shorts.

But just about anything that reminds us of autumn is a better flavor than pumpkin spice.

I personally, for instance, would rather drink a cable-knit sweater spice latte, or a major league baseball spice latte, or a keen awareness of my own mortality spice latte, because that's what foliage is.

Although, look, it might be an acquired taste.

Pumpkin spice is just eggnog for morning people, okay?

And I will be subject to its tyranny no longer.

We'll be back next week with a brand new episode of Last Week Tonight.

Until then, please ignore the news and continue to drink regular coffee.


Speaker 0: -♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ Hello there. I'm John Oliver. Look, it's the middle of October, which, across the nation, means that we are all looking at this and thinking, I don't know why, but I simply have to drink that. Yes, it's that special time of year where we voluntarily imbibe pumpkin spice lattes, the coffee that tastes like a candle. And I don't mean it tastes like a candle smells.

Pumpkin spice lattes taste like a candle tastes. Don't ask me how I know that. But what is strange is that pumpkin spice foods inexplicably seem to grow more omnipresent every year, even though there's no actual pumpkin in the drinks. Kind of like how everyone you meet calls himself a DJ all of a sudden, when what they really mean is that they own an iPad and have been to a party. -...but apparently, each American eats more than 5 pounds of pumpkin per year.

Which is more than the amount of pumpkin in 5 pumpkin pies. And pumpkin pie is the most seasonal food there is. It is only good from the moment Thanksgiving dinner ends, until just after you have taken your first bite of it. -♪♪♪♪ 5 pounds of pumpkin a year is even crazier than the fact that we allegedly swallow 8 spiders in a lifetime. -♪♪♪♪ Why Is it crazier?

Because there is no way a pumpkin has ever crawled into my mouth while I was sleeping. -♪ ♪ -() And the worst part is, nobody wants anything pumpkin flavored from December through August. And here's how I know that. You can have it whenever you want! That bottle of pumpkin flavored science goo sits behind the counter of Starbucks all year round.

Never aging like Ryan Seacrest. -...or the early work of Dr. Dre, which... -...which really holds up. It really holds up.

Have you listened to The Chronic lately? Go back and do it. It's really great. It's great. Except for the sexism and homophobia, which is most of it, but that's not the point.

It's really good. The point is, We tolerate pumpkin spice because we like the fall. It's the best season because you get to stop thinking about how weird your legs look in shorts. That's everyone, right? We all agree on that.

But just about anything that reminds us of autumn is a better flavor than pumpkin spice. I personally, for instance, would rather drink a cable-knit sweater spice latte, or a major league baseball spice latte, or a keen awareness of my own mortality spice latte, because that's what foliage is. -...is. -..is. Although, look, it might be an acquired taste.

That might be an acquired taste. Pumpkin spice is just eggnog for morning people, okay? And I will be subject to its tyranny no longer. It stops here! We'll be back next week with a brand new episode of Last Week Tonight.

Until then, please ignore the news and continue to drink regular coffee. Good night.

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Pumpkin Spice (Web Exclusive): Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)