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Speaker 1

00:00

-♪ ♪ -♪ -♪ ♪ Our main story tonight concerns government. Sports for nerds. These days, we are all focused on the presidential race, the biggest, most prominent office in all of government. But I would like to talk about the opposite of that.

Speaker 1

00:17

1 of the smallest and most obscure forms of government, special districts. That's right, tonight, we are talking about special taxing districts. So, hello, people watching for the first time because of our Trump piece, and also, I presume, goodbye, Goodbye. Thanks for checking in.

Speaker 1

00:34

But just so you know, special districts are small units of government with the power to take tax dollars to do 1 specific thing. You've probably heard of a fire district or a water district, but they can be set up for almost any purpose, and there are way more of them than you think.

Speaker 2

00:49

Special districts over the past half century have really proliferated to the point that we have about 40,000 of them in the country now, and they account for about $100 billion of spending.

Speaker 1

00:58

A hundred billion dollars a year? That is 16 billion more than Russia spends on its military. And when you include school districts, special districts are the most common form of local government in the country.

Speaker 1

01:10

And that's crazy. It's like finding out the highest paid athlete in the world is Harold. I mean, who the fuck is Harold? What sport does he play?

Speaker 1

01:19

Why don't people talk about this all the time? How am I only hearing about Harold now? You're making me feel a fool. Special districts are so ubiquitous and sometimes have so little accountability, states may not even know how many they have or how much they spend.

Speaker 1

01:35

A few years back, Idaho launched an investigation of special districts with objective 1 being, identify how many special districts there are in Idaho. And when Kentucky investigated, its auditor found that 40 percent of its districts that were required to didn't even file proper budgets.

Speaker 3

01:53

I mean, this is an extraordinary mess. As 1 of my good friends says, you can't make this up. 2.7 billion dollar system of government, operating, because of a lack of oversight and accountability at almost every level, has been permitted to become a level of ghost government.

Speaker 1

02:10

Yes, ghost government. And that is the shittiest idea for a ghost story I've ever heard. Aside, of course, from Ghost Dad.

Speaker 1

02:18

And that was a bad idea before context changed the way we felt about Bill Cosby having the power to walk through walls. Before then, it was a bad idea, after it was horrifying. But if you think about it, It's a little weird in a country that talks so much about government accountability, that a huge amount of our tax dollars go to fund entities that most of us know absolutely nothing about. You may not even know how many districts you are living in right now.

Speaker 2

02:44

A school district may overlap with a park district, a water district, a sewer district, and so on, such that it wouldn't be at all uncommon for 1 person to be finding themselves within the boundaries of 10 or more of these districts.

Speaker 1

02:56

That's right. Think of a special district like a cult. It can take your money, and you may not even be aware that you are in 1.

Speaker 1

03:03

Although it is worth remembering, in a special district, allowing the leader to impregnate you is not mandatory, no matter what the guy in charge of the library district says. No matter what he says with his words or eyes. And if you're thinking, well, look, what difference does it make what districts I'm in? Well, it can actually make a big difference.

Speaker 4

03:22

1 person that we found, paid $1,000 as part of an irrigation special district that he lives in in North Central Phoenix. His neighbor, literally across the street, is not a part of that district. Their special district bill was $7.

Speaker 4

03:36

$1,000 versus $7.

Speaker 1

03:39

Look, the only people who should be paying $1,000 more than their neighbors across the street are the assholes who cover every square inch of their house with Christmas decorations. They should be taxed, and then they should be imprisoned, and then they should be told their lights were better last year, because it's that 1 that would hurt them the most. That's the 1 that would sting.

Speaker 1

03:59

And It is important to note here, in theory, and often in practice, having small entities with a single purpose can be a great idea. Take Litchfield, New Hampshire. In 2007, they chose to create a mosquito control district to, you know, control mosquitoes. It's run by 2 men who, as you will see from an amazing YouTube video of 1 of their public meetings, are almost heartbreakingly conscientious, regardless of the fact that there is no 1 else in the room.

Speaker 5

04:28

Let's all stand for the Pledge of Allegiance.

Speaker 1

04:30

-♪

Speaker 5

04:32

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands, 1 nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. Chair will call the roll. Acting Vice Chair, Mr.

Speaker 5

04:57

Accio, present. And I'm here. All members are present.

Speaker 1

05:02

Come on! You have got to admire their dedication to the rules. These 2 men are so scrupulous, they would sit at a broken red traffic light for 6 hours in the middle of the night.

Speaker 1

05:14

Red is red, we live in a civilized society. Red is red, we stay. -♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ In fact, they ran that 43-minute meeting so meticulously, they even took input from the public with predictable results.

Speaker 5

05:30

Any members of the public wishing to speak?

Speaker 1

05:31

-...

Speaker 5

05:34

Seeing and hearing none?

Speaker 1

05:35

-... Look, I guess when you're a member of a ghost government, it's only natural your meetings are gonna be attended only by the ghost public. Now, that is the best case scenario, And many special districts are like that, chugging along just fine with no major problems. But some, like the Isaacson Municipal Utility District in Texas, are not.

Speaker 1

05:57

Because an audit recently discovered $70,000 in losses, and that the district billed residents for water with a disturbing consistency.

Speaker 3

06:05

We're not all professional accountants or managers. We may not have looked at things as closely as maybe we should have.

Speaker 6

06:12

IMud has been billed for 13,721,200 gallons of water every year for the last 6 years. Rain or drought or weather, no change, same number.

Speaker 1

06:24

Now, no charges have been filed there, but that level of consistency is weird. The only time The exact same amount of water should appear in a document year after year is in Shamu's rider. Yeah, Shamu gets 13.7 million gallons of water in his tank at all times, and not a drop less, he's a fucking artist.

Speaker 1

06:42

I'm obviously kidding. You can keep him in a wading pool if you want, and if you want to fuck his blowhole, that'll be an extra 20. The point is, thanks for visiting SeaWorld. -...

Speaker 1

06:53

But in Kentucky, in Kentucky, the lack of supervision led to outright corruption, with over $100,000 being fantastically misspent by 1 former assistant fire chief.

Speaker 7

07:04

The report claims the Garrett Volunteer Fire Department in Floyd County used taxpayer money to buy things like flat screen televisions, chewing tobacco, and fireworks. Investigators say they also found hundreds of pornographic videos on department electronics.

Speaker 1

07:20

All right, all right. Porn and chewing tobacco are obviously inappropriate, but you know what really upsets me the most there? Fireworks.

Speaker 1

07:27

They're a fire department. That's like hearing EMTs have been using their budget to stage scissor races. They're your natural enemy! -♪ ♪ -♪ But that behavior was nothing compared to what happened in a fire district in Rhode Island.

Speaker 8

07:42

You won't believe the undercover video we gathered on the man in charge. We spotted him drinking during the day, then driving the fire department vehicle back to work. We even have him taking the public safety vehicle to party up on Federal Hill, drinking and apparently smoking marijuana.

Speaker 5

07:58

This is you smoking what looks to be pot.

Speaker 9

08:02

Cigar maybe. You then share the cigar with your friends, then? I don't know.

Speaker 9

08:09

That's a cigar? Yes, it is.

Speaker 5

08:12

You know, I gotta tell you, Chief, no one's gonna buy that.

Speaker 1

08:16

Yeah. No, I'm pretty sure they'll definitely buy it. That's a cigar, just like, that's flour for when you want to bake 1 tiny cookie. That's honey for my tea.

Speaker 1

08:27

I use a very specific amount. And that's just some quarts I keep laying around. I love quarts. And look, corruption is not unique to special districts.

Speaker 1

08:38

There are clearly problems in all other forms of government as well. But when special districts only have 1 job, it makes it all the more noticeable when things go wrong. Take Evergreen Park, Illinois. The county it's in has 4 different mosquito abatement districts to prevent the spread of West Nile.

Speaker 1

08:55

So it had to be humiliating when this happened.

Speaker 9

08:58

The mayor of West Suburban Evergreen Park came down with West Nile virus.

Speaker 1

09:02

The mayor got... West Nile! Look, no 1 is expecting a 0 percent failure rate here, but if you're surrounded by that many mosquito abatement districts, shouldn't there at least be agents willing to take a mosquito for him?

Speaker 1

09:15

Come on! And 1 of the most interesting ways that special districts are different from any other form of government is how they can be created seemingly out of thin air. For instance, in Conroe, Texas, a company was hoping to create a new neighborhood on undeveloped land. They wanted to form a special district which could issue bonds.

Speaker 1

09:33

Now, to do this, the law required a vote. But remember, no 1 lived there yet. So, guess what they did?

Speaker 10

09:40

When Tim Kellerman saw someone installing a mobile home next to his house Recently, he asked them what's going on.

Speaker 5

09:46

He told me it's none of my business.

Speaker 10

09:48

This man and his wife moved in on Monday and signed a nine-month lease with Stingray Services. After that, he said they're moving out. They're the only 2 people who can vote on $500 million worth of bonds for the new housing project.

Speaker 1

10:03

2 people voting for $500 million of bonds and then leaving. It's as if in The Lion King, Simba's father looked out over the plains and said, son, someday this will all be someone else's problem, and they both fucked off and never came back. And that whole process is perfectly legal.

Speaker 1

10:20

In fact, this wasn't the only place where Stingray Services provided what they called turnkey voter trailer election services. They once even advertised on Craigslist with an ad reading, eligible tenants will vote in and serve as election officials for the election which takes place in the home. Oh, that's right. You're not just the only voters, you're the election officials and your trailer is the polling station.

Speaker 1

10:45

It makes you wonder why they didn't just throw in some bullshit ballot initiatives just for fun. Oh, and on the motion that Jenna start cleaning out her fucking hairbrush because it's starting to look like we have a cat, we seem to be tied 1 to 1. -...and once... -...once a special district is created, you can be pretty sure no 1 is going to be watching what you do.

Speaker 1

11:05

Because remember that New Hampshire video? When we found it on YouTube, it had 0 views. 0! Meaning those 2 guys themselves didn't even watch it.

Speaker 1

11:16

That is anti-viral as videos go. And voter accountability is pretty unlikely, too. 1 county in New York found turnout rates for some special district elections could be as low as 1.8 percent. Which might be because that county held, on average, 1 special district election every 10.9 business days, with not a single 1 taking place on election day.

Speaker 1

11:39

Which just seems inherently suspicious. Think about it, it would be a bit of a red flag if someone in your neighborhood offered children candy every 11 days, but never on Halloween. It would give you pause for thought. And even if the state government does investigate, special districts may try to blow them off.

Speaker 1

11:58

When that Kentucky auditor started asking his state's districts about making their information available to the public, he got some pretty unhelpful responses.

Speaker 3

12:08

Here's 1, direct quote, by the way. We didn't take any liberties with these. Quote, this contains information the public is not entitled to know.

Speaker 3

12:17

This is a good 1. We don't want to fill this out because there are too many crackpots in the world. And my favorite, well, we'd just rather the public contact us directly to gain information so we know who's asking.

Speaker 1

12:29

What? You get the sense their preferred mode of contact would be an email to fake email address at fuckoff.gov. And by the way, if after hearing that, some Kentuckians wanted to shut a district down, they might not be able to Because, as that auditor wrote, many types of districts may continue to exist because there is not a process for them to be dissolved. There's no way to break them up.

Speaker 1

12:54

They're like styrofoam packing peanuts, or the enduring friendship of Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake. They'll be with us until the end of time. Now, to be fair, some states are pushing to reform special districts. California, for instance, has made them far more transparent in recent years.

Speaker 1

13:12

And the Special Districts Association in San Diego even launched a competition for school children to create a one-minute video educating the public about what's so special about special districts. The deadline was Tuesday, and it had a $1,500 top prize. And the reason I know that is, we entered with some local school kids. And this is the result.

Speaker 11

13:35

Today's top story, special districts. What's so special about them?

Speaker 12

13:40

Special districts are small governments that collect taxes to handle 1 specific service. Like fight fire or provide water or buy fireworks or smoke cigars.

Speaker 13

13:49

Special districts are special because they can receive little oversight.

Speaker 11

13:52

They're sometimes called ghost governments. I used to be afraid of ghosts, but now I'm afraid of girls.

Speaker 13

14:00

Special districts can also be very easy to create.

Speaker 11

14:03

Sometimes the only people voting for them are 2 people in a trailer in the middle of nowhere. Maybe 2 people in a trailer in an empty field. Sounds like my younger brother.

Speaker 11

14:15

You know it's true, Duckling. You weren't wanted. Sometimes special districts aren't so special, though. Like when the mayor of a village

Speaker 12

14:23

and a county with 4 mosquito-spraying districts came down with the West Nile virus.

Speaker 11

14:28

Come on! That would barely be acceptable if your time were near the actual Nile. Everything you think so little about, you don't even realize that's not the Nile.

Speaker 11

14:39

This is the Nile.

Speaker 12

14:40

But perhaps the most special part about special districts is how hard it is to get rid of them.

Speaker 11

14:45

They're almost impossible to destroy, like Wolverine. Even Superman couldn't destroy Wolverine. Though obviously they would never meet, because that's crossing universes.

Speaker 13

14:55

So to recap, special districts take our money and do whatever they want with it, with little to no consequences.

Speaker 11

15:02

When I grow up, I want to be a special district. Yay! And now this.

Speaker 1

15:15

You