- Italy is holding an election to select a new parliament and prime minister
- Italy is experiencing a rise in political violence and is facing economic challenges
- Fake news is a growing concern in Italy
- Former Prime Minister Matteo Renzi is attempting a comeback, but faces anti-establishment sentiment
- The 5 Star Movement, started by comedian Beppe Grillo, is also a key party in the election
- The League, a far-right party led by Matteo Salvini, has taken a hard line on immigration
- Some Italian voters are not concerned by Salvini's rhetoric
- Salvini has met with Donald Trump and has attracted followers who engage in violence and fascism.

- Silvio Berlusconi, the former prime minister of Italy, is making a comeback in politics.
- Despite his controversial history, recent polls show his coalition in the lead.
- Berlusconi is known for his ego, sex scandals, and crude comments.
- He has a close relationship with Vladimir Putin and has engaged in bizarre antics, such as owning a remote-controlled volcano.
- Although Berlusconi is currently banned from public office, he is positioning himself as a kingmaker in the upcoming election.
- Italy may face a difficult choice between an awful prime minister, political limbo, or the possibility of a non-politician being chosen as leader.

The speaker makes jokes about pasta and a fake game show, and mentions Berlusconi's volcano. They offer themselves as a candidate for Prime Minister, admitting it may be a farce but still better than other options.

- Italy is holding an election with a rise in political violence and economic challenges.
- Fake news is a growing concern.
- Former Prime Minister Matteo Renzi and comedian Beppe Grillo's 5 Star Movement are key players.
- Far-right party leader Matteo Salvini has a hardline stance on immigration.
- Silvio Berlusconi, known for his controversial history, is making a comeback and leading in recent polls.
- Italy faces a difficult choice between an awful prime minister, political limbo, or a non-politician as leader.

Italy is in the throes of a turbulent race to elect a new prime minister. John Oliver discusses the colorful contenders and introduces an equally ridiculous candidate.

Connect with Last Week Tonight online...

Subscribe to the Last Week Tonight YouTube channel for more almost news as it almost happens: www.youtube.com/user/LastWeekTonight

Find Last Week Tonight on Facebook like your mom would: http://Facebook.com/LastWeekTonight

Follow us on Twitter for news about jokes and jokes about news: http://Twitter.com/LastWeekTonight

Visit our official site for all that other stuff at once: http://www.hbo.com/lastweektonight

-♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ Italy, the country that gave us spaghetti, the Colosseum, and in a roundabout way, the guy who played Turtle.

So, it's a rich tapestry, that's basically what I'm saying.

Now, Italy is holding an election next Sunday to select a new parliament and eventually a new prime minister.

And you're probably thinking at this point, I don't even know who Italy's current prime minister is.

I assumed it was just a Vespa in a tank top.

This will actually be Italy's 65th government in just over 70 years.

So at that rate, it's probably hard for Italians to remember who their leader is.

I just typed Italian man into a stock image site, and he is what came up.

But this election is coming at a pivotal time for Italy, and the run-up to it has been toxic.

Italy is seeing a rise in political violence ahead of its national elections on March 4th.

On Thursday, riot-equipped police fired water cannons and tear gas as they clashed with far-left protesters marching against a nearby neo-fascist rally.

Over the past month, there have been series of political motivated stabbings and beatings in some Italian cities.

Italy is in turmoil and is dabbling with fascism.

Because the last time they did that, they wound up with Mussolini, the, to put it nicely, Turner to Hitler's hooch.

And sadly, the conditions are ripe for fascism to flourish there.

Italy is Europe's third largest economy, yet its public debt is 130% of GDP.

For context, that's second only to Greece.

And the Bank of Greece is currently just a goat dancing around an open fire.

Meanwhile, unemployment is high, and politicians have been stoking anti-immigrant sentiments as more than 600,000 migrants have landed on Italian shores in the last 4 years.

And on top of all of this, Italy is facing the same problem that has plagued American elections.

Patrizio Nisirio is a senior editor at ANSA, Italy's leading news agency.

He says fake news is exploding across Europe.

It's such a danger that, you know, figures like Pope Francis warned the press not to spread, you know, what he actually made a very strong parallel between feces and this kind of news.

The Pope reportedly said, fake news is like getting sexually aroused by feces.

-♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ So, it seems, yet again, a large European country is teetering on the edge of chaos.

And because of that, it is worth looking at the Italian election, because everything about it is fascinating.

First, former Prime Minister Matteo Renzi.

He is a centrist and he had to resign dramatically after making a bold attempt to reform Italy's political system.

A referendum that did not go well for him.

I lost, and I said loud and clear, even if I have a lump in my throat, I wasn't able to win.

That's like a pilot coming on over the loudspeaker and saying, well, folks, looks like old Captain Doug came up short this time.

Anyway, sit back, relax, and good luck to all of us.

And I would say that that was Renzi's most humiliating defeat, but that honor really has to go to his actual appearance in the 90s on Italy's Wheel of Fortune.

Well, of course, in Antarctica, ships sail.

Look, it is not good when the host is joining in.

Hey, I know my only job on this show is to move things along, but the people have spoken.

Renzi is attempting a comeback, but he's gonna be facing an uphill battle as Italy's experiencing a wave of anti-establishment sentiment, and that is entirely understandable.

The country has well-documented problems with corruption, and their government is famously gridlocked.

And 1 of the most interesting parties attempting to harness this anger is called 5 Star.

It started just 8 years ago in a very unusual way.

Beppe Grillo, comedian turned fire-breathing, curse-flinging critic of the status quo.

Grillo founded this so-called 5 Star Movement, first railing on his blog, and more recently in piazzas across the country against sky-high taxes, Italy's legendary red tape, corrupt politicians, greedy businessmen, and lazy bureaucrats.

5 Star was started by a comedian who organized demonstrations called Va Fanculo Day, which translates to Fuck Off Day.

Which is actually a pretty great idea for a holiday.

Hallmark should really take that concept and run with it, because I can think of a lot of people I would like to send a card to.

Now, Grillo has since stepped away from the party, and 5 Stars candidate is 31-year-old Luigi Di Maio, and I would argue that 31 is a little young to be the leader of a major European nation.

To give you some perspective on that, Di Maio is 1 year younger than Frankie Muniz.

I don't even want him running his own Twitter account because 2 days ago he tweeted, -"I have a toothache." -$1,000,000 Come on, Frankie, sell your brand.

The point is, when you see Di Maio in action, he lives up to your worst assumptions of what a 31-year-old candidate for Prime Minister could be.

Parties are a weight with their conflicts of interest.

We have to fly high, bring this country and make it fly high.

And this is why today, we will actually fly.

Although, to be honest, that's not really flying, is it?

To be accurate, he should have said, the country is weighed down with conflicts of interest, so we have to make Italy pathetically hover 20 feet off

circles and gripping an attendant's hand.

And while there is a lot to like about some of 5 Star's policies, there is also a lot to be concerned about.

Because while they are against a lot of things, it is much less clear what they're actually for.

And in recent months, they've shown an ugly side, taking an increasingly hard-line stance regarding immigration, with DiMaio criticizing some rescue efforts in the Mediterranean as sea taxi services that must end.

In addition, some party members have engaged in vaccine skepticism, and DiMaio recently proposed rolling back mandatory vaccinations for children, which is pretty dangerous considering Italy saw nearly 5,000 cases of measles, including 4 deaths just last year.

And that should not be happening in this day and age.

It's like hearing 4 people were trampled to death in line at a blockbuster video.

We're supposed to have collectively moved past that by now.

It's a far-right party led by Matteo Salvini, who incredibly, like Renzi, also appeared on an Italian game show.

Not just as a 12-year-old child, but also later again when he was 20, answering trivia questions and racing around with boxes on his feet.

And I do hope that you enjoyed those clips, because that is as likable as Salvini gets.

He has grown up into a truly poisonous politician.

He compared the female speaker of the house to an inflatable sex doll.

He's taken a hard line on immigration, saying out-of-control immigration leads to drug dealing, rape, theft, and violence, and he has trafficked in some pretty alarming rhetoric.

There's a need for a mass cleaning, even in Italy.

And the frightening thing is, not all Italian voters are concerned by Salvini.

1 told the New York Times, I like him because he puts Italians first, and I guess he's a fascist too, what can you do?

To which the obvious answer is, Don't vote for him!

That's literally the only thing you should do.

And if you're thinking at this point, wait, I think I know someone who might really hit it off with this guy.

Oh, I'm sorry, you thought maybe Trump would not pop up in this story.

He is truly the Forrest Gump of human misery.

Salvini met with Trump during the 2016 campaign, and Trump reportedly told Salvini that he hoped he would become Prime Minister of Italy soon.

And I hope, sincerely, that that does not happen, because Salvini's tone has attracted some nasty followers.

Just look at what happened earlier this month.

A far-right supporter in central Italy is accused of opening fire on African migrants on Saturday, wounding 6 of them.

After the shooting, he drove in front of a war monument and made a fascist salute wearing what looked like an Italian flag.

Now, that man in question reportedly called Salvini his captain and was 1 of the league's candidates for a local election last year, which is awful.

Although it should be noted that in that election, he received no votes.

Which means not only did his family and friends not vote for him, he didn't even vote for himself.

Even if you are a racist, murderous piece of shit, if you run for anything, you should at least get 1 vote or you're just a fucking idiot.

So in the midst of economic uncertainty, fake news and race-baiting, it is clear that what Italy needs is someone to step up and lead them out of trouble.

I'm talking about a bold new voice, a fresh leader of tomorrow.

So please, show us Italy, who shall be your knight in shining armor?

Many thought he was politically finished.

But Silvio Berlusconi, Italy's four-time prime minister, is making a comeback.

Sorry, that's just a condom filled with marinara sauce.

And the most recent polls actually had his coalition in the lead.

So if Italy is seriously considering taking Berlusconi back, it is worth the rest of us brushing up on him, because he is 1 of history's most ludicrous humans.

He once claimed, My greatness is without question, my human substance, my history, other people dream to have." And in the years that Berlusconi was in power, he built a quasi-cult of personality around himself, perhaps best exemplified by this campaign song from 2008.

C'è un grande sogno che vive in noi ♪ -♪ Siamo la gente della libertà

♪ That has to literally be Silvio Berlusconi's fantasy.

A world where he's apparently the only man left on Earth, and every woman sings about him whilst fondling produce.

Now, obviously, what most people know about Berlusconi can be summed up in 2 words.

He famously hosted sex parties, which allegedly featured scores of orgies and female guests dressed up as nuns, nurses, and even Barack Obama, which is both deeply weird and somehow deeply progressive.

Silvio Berlusconi would like to explore a mixed-race, quasi-homosexual experience.

He owns a stake in TV channels, some of which have broadcast shows that have been criticized for their coarse content, including literally treating women like pieces of meat.

He also owned a football team called AC Milan, but couldn't even talk to their players without getting weird.

When are you going to introduce me to your wife?

But because everyone says she is the prettiest 1.

Hello there, employee, where's your spouse I'd like to fuck?

Don't worry, I'm too old to fuck her now.

We're having fun, aren't we paid subordinates?

And, look, the fact that Berlusconi is an irrepressible horndog is funny, but it's worth remembering those Bunga Bunga parties allegedly featured a 17-year-old girl who Berlusconi paid for sex, and when the whole scandal broke, his response was less than charming.

I have always worked with no interruption.

And If it sometimes happens to me to see the face of a beautiful girl, I say, better to like girls than to be gay.

-...that's a terrible thing to say, and it's not even connected to the terrible thing you're being accused of.

He's basically Bernie Madoff saying, hey, better to be a complete crook than to be Puerto Rican.

And on the world stage, Berlusconi's diplomacy left a lot to be desired.

He joked more than once that President Obama was tanned, and allegedly made a comment about Angela Merkel that was so controversial, he was confronted about it in an interview that was spectacularly awkward.

Do you have a particular problem with Angela Merkel?

Is it true you called her an unfuckable lard-arse?

I have never in 20 years of politics insulted anybody ever.

Please, Silvio, your words say no, but your face, silence, and history of human interaction say, si.

And by the way, someone who looks like this should never say a thing about anyone else's physical appearance.

He looks like what would happen if a smoked brisket fucked Andy Garcia.

Now, Berlusconi's closest friend on the world stage is unsurprisingly Vladimir Putin.

They are so close that Berlusconi once gave Putin this actual bedspread with a picture of them on it, which isn't just creepy, it's pointless.

We all know that Putin doesn't sleep in a bed at night, he just sits in a chair and stares at a potato until it bakes.

--LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE --And if you think having a bedspread made of you and your friend is childish?

That's because Berlusconi is nothing if he is not a gigantic child.

He even had a remote-controlled volcano built at his house, featuring everything from fire to artificial earth tremors.

This thing was apparently extremely realistic because at 1 point, Berlusconi's neighbors were so alarmed by the belching flames, they called the fire brigade.

And I would love to show you a photo of it, but amazingly, we can't find 1 anywhere, which is insane.

Because it's not like there aren't hundreds of ludicrous photos involving Berlusconi.

Here is 1 of him receiving a rifle from Gaddafi.

Here is 1 of him and Putin wearing matching furry hats.

And here is 1 of him dressed like Pitbull at a slumber party.

--LAUGHTER --The point is, a photo of a belching in-home volcano wouldn't even be in his top 3 weirdest photos.

But what is even more amazing about Berlusconi's comeback is Italy was done with him.

He left office after he was finally convicted of tax fraud, and his conviction in 2013 included banning him from serving in public office for 6 years.

And I know what you might be thinking now.

And we did crunch the numbers on that all week, and it turns out it is a year from now.

So Berlusconi is still banned, and yet he's been going on a charm offensive with videos online of him either snuggling adorably with a baby lamb, or because it's Berlusconi, getting to second base with an inappropriately young sheep.

--LAUGHTER --And he's positioning himself as a kingmaker in this election, and may well end up having a key role in picking the next leader, and that is not good.

Because his alliance includes Matteo Salvini, the game show fascist from earlier, who could well get a high-powered position in the new administration.

So, really, what I'm saying is, you have to feel for Italy here, because the outcomes do not look good.

There are a lot of bad options, ranging from an awful Prime Minister to no outright winner, plunging Italy into political limbo.

But wait, because there's actually 1 more wild card here.

Under Italian law, the governing coalition, whoever that is, could still pick a non-politician who's had nothing to do with this campaign so far.

So it could be some random jackass that Italy has never heard of.

And if you don't see where I'm going with this...

-...you've clearly never seen this fucking

-...because we asked half a dozen Italian legal experts, And while they told me that I couldn't run for Prime Minister of Italy, they also admitted there is no explicit provision in the Italian constitution that says non-citizens can't run for Prime Minister.

Remember, the rules of basketball did not explicitly state that he couldn't play.

Well, I am that dog, Italy, so alley-oop, motherfuckers.

Because I would like to argue that I'd make just as good a leader as many of your political figures.

You like politicians who appear on TV with animals, please.

Someone bring me my Lambo You adorable little creature do you like this Italy?

Of course you do Yes, exactly plenty more where this came from.

Oh, Italy, You seem to like candidates who've appeared as contestants on Italian game shows.

Well, sadly, I have not actually done that.

However, since you are swimming in fake news over there, I see absolutely no reason not to lie and tell you that I have.

Why did I go to the trouble of faking a game show in which I lost?

I know that Berlusconi has a remote control volcano that he won't let you see.

And yes, Italy, my candidacy for Prime Minister may be a complete and total farce, but be honest, incredibly, I am far from your worst option.


Speaker 0: -♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ Italy, the country that gave us spaghetti, the Colosseum, and in a roundabout way, the guy who played Turtle. So, it's a rich tapestry, that's basically what I'm saying. Now, Italy is holding an election next Sunday to select a new parliament and eventually a new prime minister. And you're probably thinking at this point, I don't even know who Italy's current prime minister is. I assumed it was just a Vespa in a tank top.

Well, don't be too hard on yourself. There has been a lot of them. This will actually be Italy's 65th government in just over 70 years. So at that rate, it's probably hard for Italians to remember who their leader is. For the record, it's this man.

Also for the record, it's not that man. I just typed Italian man into a stock image site, and he is what came up. But this election is coming at a pivotal time for Italy, and the run-up to it has been toxic.

Speaker 1: Italy is seeing a rise in political violence ahead of its national elections on March 4th. On Thursday, riot-equipped police fired water cannons and tear gas as they clashed with far-left protesters marching against a nearby neo-fascist rally. Over the past month, there have been series of political motivated stabbings and beatings in some Italian cities.

Speaker 0: It's true. Italy is in turmoil and is dabbling with fascism. And that should worry everyone. Because the last time they did that, they wound up with Mussolini, the, to put it nicely, Turner to Hitler's hooch. And...

And sadly, the conditions are ripe for fascism to flourish there. Italy is Europe's third largest economy, yet its public debt is 130% of GDP. For context, that's second only to Greece. And the Bank of Greece is currently just a goat dancing around an open fire. -...

Meanwhile, unemployment is high, and politicians have been stoking anti-immigrant sentiments as more than 600,000 migrants have landed on Italian shores in the last 4 years. And on top of all of this, Italy is facing the same problem that has plagued American elections.

Speaker 2: Patrizio Nisirio is a senior editor at ANSA, Italy's leading news agency. He says fake news is exploding across Europe.

Speaker 3: It's such a danger that, you know, figures like Pope Francis warned the press not to spread, you know, what he actually made a very strong parallel between feces and this kind of news.

Speaker 0: That's true. The Pope reportedly said, fake news is like getting sexually aroused by feces. It truly is a magical time to be alive. -♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ So, it seems, yet again, a large European country is teetering on the edge of chaos. And because of that, it is worth looking at the Italian election, because everything about it is fascinating.

And let's begin with the key figures. First, former Prime Minister Matteo Renzi. He is a centrist and he had to resign dramatically after making a bold attempt to reform Italy's political system. A referendum that did not go well for him.

Speaker 4: I lost, and I said loud and clear, even if I have a lump in my throat, I wasn't able to win. Long live Italy, and

Speaker 5: good luck to all

Speaker 0: of us. -♪ Good luck to

Speaker 5: all of us

Speaker 0: ♪ -♪

Speaker 5: Good luck to all of us ♪ Wow!

Speaker 0: That is ominous. That's like a pilot coming on over the loudspeaker and saying, well, folks, looks like old Captain Doug came up short this time. Anyway, sit back, relax, and good luck to all of us. And I would say that that was Renzi's most humiliating defeat, but that honor really has to go to his actual appearance in the 90s on Italy's Wheel of Fortune.

Speaker 6: And a sea of ships. Of ships? No. Oh! A sea of ships.

What does it have to do with anything? Well, of course, in Antarctica, ships sail. Boo! Boo!

Speaker 0: Look, it is not good when the host is joining in. Hey, I know my only job on this show is to move things along, but the people have spoken. Boo! Boo to you! Boo!

Renzi is attempting a comeback, but he's gonna be facing an uphill battle as Italy's experiencing a wave of anti-establishment sentiment, and that is entirely understandable. The country has well-documented problems with corruption, and their government is famously gridlocked. And 1 of the most interesting parties attempting to harness this anger is called 5 Star. It started just 8 years ago in a very unusual way.

Speaker 7: He comes onto stage like a rock star. Beppe Grillo, comedian turned fire-breathing, curse-flinging critic of the status quo. Grillo founded this so-called 5 Star Movement, first railing on his blog, and more recently in piazzas across the country against sky-high taxes, Italy's legendary red tape, corrupt politicians, greedy businessmen, and lazy bureaucrats.

Speaker 0: That's right. 5 Star was started by a comedian who organized demonstrations called Va Fanculo Day, which translates to Fuck Off Day. Which is actually a pretty great idea for a holiday. Hallmark should really take that concept and run with it, because I can think of a lot of people I would like to send a card to. Now, Grillo has since stepped away from the party, and 5 Stars candidate is 31-year-old Luigi Di Maio, and I would argue that 31 is a little young to be the leader of a major European nation.

To give you some perspective on that, Di Maio is 1 year younger than Frankie Muniz. And I do not want him running Italy. I don't even want him running his own Twitter account because 2 days ago he tweeted, -"I have a toothache." -$1,000,000 Come on, Frankie, sell your brand. Do better, boy. The point is, when you see Di Maio in action, he lives up to your worst assumptions of what a 31-year-old candidate for Prime Minister could be.

Speaker 8: This country is weighed down. Parties are a weight with their conflicts of interest. We have to fly high, bring this country and make it fly high. And this is why today, we will actually fly.

Speaker 0: -♪♪ -♪♪ cool. Although, to be honest, that's not really flying, is it? To be accurate, he should have said, the country is weighed down with conflicts of interest, so we have to make Italy pathetically hover 20 feet off

Speaker 9: the ground while spinning in

Speaker 0: circles and gripping an attendant's hand. And while there is a lot to like about some of 5 Star's policies, there is also a lot to be concerned about. Because while they are against a lot of things, it is much less clear what they're actually for. And in recent months, they've shown an ugly side, taking an increasingly hard-line stance regarding immigration, with DiMaio criticizing some rescue efforts in the Mediterranean as sea taxi services that must end. In addition, some party members have engaged in vaccine skepticism, and DiMaio recently proposed rolling back mandatory vaccinations for children, which is pretty dangerous considering Italy saw nearly 5,000 cases of measles, including 4 deaths just last year.

And that should not be happening in this day and age. It's like hearing 4 people were trampled to death in line at a blockbuster video. How did that happen? We're supposed to have collectively moved past that by now. Now, next, there is The League.

It's a far-right party led by Matteo Salvini, who incredibly, like Renzi, also appeared on an Italian game show. Not just as a 12-year-old child, but also later again when he was 20, answering trivia questions and racing around with boxes on his feet. And I do hope that you enjoyed those clips, because that is as likable as Salvini gets. He has grown up into a truly poisonous politician. He compared the female speaker of the house to an inflatable sex doll.

He's taken a hard line on immigration, saying out-of-control immigration leads to drug dealing, rape, theft, and violence, and he has trafficked in some pretty alarming rhetoric.

Speaker 8: There's a need for a mass cleaning, even in Italy. From 1 street to the next. From 1 neighborhood to the next. Town square to town square. With strong methods if necessary.

Speaker 0: Wow. A mass cleaning with strong methods. He sounds like a fascist Mary Poppins. So, basically, Mary Poppins. And the frightening thing is, not all Italian voters are concerned by Salvini.

1 told the New York Times, I like him because he puts Italians first, and I guess he's a fascist too, what can you do? To which the obvious answer is, Don't vote for him! That's literally the only thing you should do. And if you're thinking at this point, wait, I think I know someone who might really hit it off with this guy. Well, don't worry.

Of course they've met. Of course they have. Oh, I'm sorry, you thought maybe Trump would not pop up in this story. Think again. He is truly the Forrest Gump of human misery.

But this is... This is true. Salvini met with Trump during the 2016 campaign, and Trump reportedly told Salvini that he hoped he would become Prime Minister of Italy soon. And I hope, sincerely, that that does not happen, because Salvini's tone has attracted some nasty followers. Just look at what happened earlier this month.

Speaker 10: A far-right supporter in central Italy is accused of opening fire on African migrants on Saturday, wounding 6 of them. After the shooting, he drove in front of a war monument and made a fascist salute wearing what looked like an Italian flag.

Speaker 0: Now, that man in question reportedly called Salvini his captain and was 1 of the league's candidates for a local election last year, which is awful. Although it should be noted that in that election, he received no votes. Which means not only did his family and friends not vote for him, he didn't even vote for himself. Even if you are a racist, murderous piece of shit, if you run for anything, you should at least get 1 vote or you're just a fucking idiot. So in the midst of economic uncertainty, fake news and race-baiting, it is clear that what Italy needs is someone to step up and lead them out of trouble.

I'm talking about a bold new voice, a fresh leader of tomorrow. So please, show us Italy, who shall be your knight in shining armor?

Speaker 6: Forza Italia! Forza di libertà!

Speaker 11: Many thought he was politically finished. Done. But Silvio Berlusconi, Italy's four-time prime minister, is making a comeback.

Speaker 0: Oh, it's true. He's back. Silvio Berlusconi... Sorry, that's HPV. Silvio Berlusconi...

Sorry, that's just a condom filled with marinara sauce. Silvio Berlusconi has returned. And the most recent polls actually had his coalition in the lead. So if Italy is seriously considering taking Berlusconi back, it is worth the rest of us brushing up on him, because he is 1 of history's most ludicrous humans. His ego is legendary.

He once claimed, My greatness is without question, my human substance, my history, other people dream to have." And in the years that Berlusconi was in power, he built a quasi-cult of personality around himself, perhaps best exemplified by this campaign song from 2008. -♪

Speaker 5: C'è un grande sogno che vive in noi ♪ -♪ Siamo la gente della libertà

Speaker 0: ♪ -♪

Speaker 5: Presidente, siamo con te

Speaker 0: ♪ -♪

Speaker 5: Meno male che Silvio c'è

Speaker 0: ♪ That has to literally be Silvio Berlusconi's fantasy. A world where he's apparently the only man left on Earth, and every woman sings about him whilst fondling produce. Now, obviously, what most people know about Berlusconi can be summed up in 2 words. The word bunga, twice. He famously hosted sex parties, which allegedly featured scores of orgies and female guests dressed up as nuns, nurses, and even Barack Obama, which is both deeply weird and somehow deeply progressive.

Silvio Berlusconi would like to explore a mixed-race, quasi-homosexual experience. Good on you, pig monster! But... But that is just the beginning. He owns a stake in TV channels, some of which have broadcast shows that have been criticized for their coarse content, including literally treating women like pieces of meat.

But that's not all. He also owned a football team called AC Milan, but couldn't even talk to their players without getting weird.

Speaker 12: When are you going to introduce me to your wife? Just to see her. I'm old. I can't do it anymore. But because everyone says she is the prettiest 1.

Speaker 9: 0, what a terrific boss! Hello there, employee, where's your spouse I'd like to fuck?

Speaker 0: Don't worry, I'm too old to fuck her now. Otherwise, I would though. We're having fun, aren't we paid subordinates? We do have fun. And, look, the fact that Berlusconi is an irrepressible horndog is funny, but it's worth remembering those Bunga Bunga parties allegedly featured a 17-year-old girl who Berlusconi paid for sex, and when the whole scandal broke, his response was less than charming.

Speaker 12: I have always worked with no interruption. And If it sometimes happens to me to see the face of a beautiful girl, I say, better to like girls than to be gay. -...we...

Speaker 0: -...that's a terrible thing to say, and it's not even connected to the terrible thing you're being accused of. He's basically Bernie Madoff saying, hey, better to be a complete crook than to be Puerto Rican. Fuck you, Bernie! How did you just make this worse?! And on the world stage, Berlusconi's diplomacy left a lot to be desired.

He joked more than once that President Obama was tanned, and allegedly made a comment about Angela Merkel that was so controversial, he was confronted about it in an interview that was spectacularly awkward. Do you have a particular problem with Angela Merkel? Is it true you called her an unfuckable lard-arse? -♪♪♪♪♪ -♪♪♪♪♪

Speaker 12: -...I would never come. I have never in... Excuse me. I have never in 20 years of politics insulted anybody ever.

Speaker 0: Oh, please. Please, Silvio, your words say no, but your face, silence, and history of human interaction say, si. Si. And by the way, someone who looks like this should never say a thing about anyone else's physical appearance. He looks like what would happen if a smoked brisket fucked Andy Garcia.

Now, Berlusconi's closest friend on the world stage is unsurprisingly Vladimir Putin. They are so close that Berlusconi once gave Putin this actual bedspread with a picture of them on it, which isn't just creepy, it's pointless. We all know that Putin doesn't sleep in a bed at night, he just sits in a chair and stares at a potato until it bakes. --LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE --And if you think having a bedspread made of you and your friend is childish? That's because Berlusconi is nothing if he is not a gigantic child.

He even had a remote-controlled volcano built at his house, featuring everything from fire to artificial earth tremors. This thing was apparently extremely realistic because at 1 point, Berlusconi's neighbors were so alarmed by the belching flames, they called the fire brigade. And I would love to show you a photo of it, but amazingly, we can't find 1 anywhere, which is insane. Because it's not like there aren't hundreds of ludicrous photos involving Berlusconi. Here is 1 of him receiving a rifle from Gaddafi.

Here is 1 of him and Putin wearing matching furry hats. And here is 1 of him dressed like Pitbull at a slumber party. --LAUGHTER --The point is, a photo of a belching in-home volcano wouldn't even be in his top 3 weirdest photos. But what is even more amazing about Berlusconi's comeback is Italy was done with him. He left office after he was finally convicted of tax fraud, and his conviction in 2013 included banning him from serving in public office for 6 years.

And I know what you might be thinking now. 2013 plus 6 is 2019. And we did crunch the numbers on that all week, and it turns out it is a year from now. So Berlusconi is still banned, and yet he's been going on a charm offensive with videos online of him either snuggling adorably with a baby lamb, or because it's Berlusconi, getting to second base with an inappropriately young sheep. --LAUGHTER --And he's positioning himself as a kingmaker in this election, and may well end up having a key role in picking the next leader, and that is not good.

Because his alliance includes Matteo Salvini, the game show fascist from earlier, who could well get a high-powered position in the new administration. So, really, what I'm saying is, you have to feel for Italy here, because the outcomes do not look good. There are a lot of bad options, ranging from an awful Prime Minister to no outright winner, plunging Italy into political limbo. But wait, because there's actually 1 more wild card here. Under Italian law, the governing coalition, whoever that is, could still pick a non-politician who's had nothing to do with this campaign so far.

So it could be some random jackass that Italy has never heard of. And if you don't see where I'm going with this... -...you've clearly never seen this fucking

Speaker 5: show before.

Speaker 0: -... -...because we asked half a dozen Italian legal experts, And while they told me that I couldn't run for Prime Minister of Italy, they also admitted there is no explicit provision in the Italian constitution that says non-citizens can't run for Prime Minister. So as far as I'm concerned...

Speaker 5: As far

Speaker 0: as I'm concerned... We have ourselves an Air Bud scenario. Remember, the rules of basketball did not explicitly state that he couldn't play. Next thing you know, the dog's dunking. Well, I am that dog, Italy, so alley-oop, motherfuckers.

Because I would like to argue that I'd make just as good a leader as many of your political figures. You got a party started by a comedian? Technically, I'm 1 of those. You like politicians who appear on TV with animals, please. It's like Jumanji up in here.

Someone bring me my Lambo You adorable little creature do you like this Italy? Of course you do Yes, exactly plenty more where this came from. I've got 40 lambs backstage. Thank you so much. Thank you.

Arrivederci. Oh, Italy, You seem to like candidates who've appeared as contestants on Italian game shows. Well, sadly, I have not actually done that. However, since you are swimming in fake news over there, I see absolutely no reason not to lie and tell you that I have. Here is me on an old Italian game show.

Do you want to give us the solution? Spring pasta! BUZZER Spring pasta!

Speaker 9: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Spring pasta! Stupid English. What a joke!

Speaker 5: Oh! Ah That's the primavera no

Speaker 9: no no no no pasta

Speaker 5: primavera The question Boo! -...stupid... -...basta! Boo! Stupid!

Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo!

Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo!

Boo! Boo!

Speaker 0: Boo! Why did I go to the trouble of faking a game show in which I lost? I think deep down it's just who I am. Oh, and 1 final thing, Italy. I know that Berlusconi has a remote control volcano that he won't let you see.

Well, Italia... -...I'll

Speaker 9: let you

Speaker 5: see mine. -$1. I'll

Speaker 0: let you see mine.

Speaker 5: Yes!

Speaker 9: Oh, yes! Oh, yes, Italy! Trembled

Speaker 0: before the awesome

Speaker 9: power of Mount Oliver! And yes, Italy, my candidacy for Prime Minister may be a complete and total farce, but be honest, incredibly, I am far from your worst option.

See all LastWeekTonight transcripts on Youtube

Italian Election: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)